Always with you
by emilionaomikins
Summary: This is a sort of follow up to There's always a choice. It's a few years later, Emily and Naomi are happily settled until one day tradgedy strikes that will change their lives forever. Bit of a crap summary but please give it a go anyway.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: So ok I've run into a bit of writer's block with there's always a choice, I'm about halfway through the next chapter and I need to re-write some bits. Part of the reason I think was because this was going round in my head so I thought I'd start a new story. I'm not sure how long it will be or how quickly I will update it as I really want to finish there's always a choice.**

**It's set a few years after there's always a choice but you don't need to have read it before you read this.**

**Emily and Naomi are happily settled until tragedy strikes that changes their lives forever. **

**Please let me know what you think, good or bad.**

* * *

Emily sat at her desk, she was surfing the internet trying to find what she needed. It was Naomi's birthday, and she wanted it to be special. A couple of months ago she had seen the perfect gift, she had wanted to buy it but it was always out of stock, there was a phone number so she called it.

"_Hello, I was looking at your website. Do you have the limited edition diamond necklace in stock?"_

"_Yes madam, it is in stock but it is very popular and we only have one left."_

"_Perfect. I know it's popular, I've been trying to track it down for months, can you keep it for me? I can be in today at about one?"_

"_Of course, can I take your name?"_

"_Yes, it's Emily Campbell-Fitch, and I'll be in later to collect it."_

"_No problem, Mrs Campbell-Fitch, it will be here."_

* * *

Naomi sat staring at the computer as the phone rang, she picked it up.

"Short & Milner, Naomi Campbell-Fitch speaking."

"Naomi love it's me, Josh and Ben have been fighting again."

Naomi sighed, "Hi Mum, can you put Josh on the phone." She waited, and then there was a silence until a quiet voice said, "Mummy, Grandma said you wanted to speak to me?"

Naomi smiled, "Yes I did. Have you been arguing with your brother again?"

Silence for a minute, "A little bit, but he's horrible and mean."

Naomi shook her head, "Joshua Robert, what do I keep telling you?"

"That I am a big strong boy and I need to rise above it," he replied. "Mummy?"

"Yes baby boy?" Naomi replied.

"I don't know what that means."

Naomi sighed, Emily had spent so much time working out her feelings for her that she forgot that sometimes it was hard especially if you were a three and a half year old boy.

"Joshy, it means that Ben looks up to you, he wants to be like you."

"But he said I was stupid." The young boy replied.

Naomi smiled, "Josh, he calls me stupid mummy all the time. He's only just started to speak properly and stupid is his favourite word at the moment for some reason. I need you to be a big boy about this and help him, ok?"

"Ok Mummy, I'll look after him." Her son replied.

Naomi smiled, "Good boy, I'll see you tonight ok? I love you."

"I love you too Mummy bye."

Naomi put the phone down and it immediately rang again, she looked at the extension number and a grin broke out on her face. "Hey sweetheart, how's work?"

_Emily sighed, "A bit boring, I wish we were back on holiday with the boys, it was so nice."_

"I know baby, but unfortunately we need to work to be able to afford holidays." Naomi replied.

"_Anyway, I can't meet you for lunch as I've got to pop out."_

Naomi smiled, "this wouldn't have anything to do with my birthday present would it?"

"_Might be, but Naomi I've told you to stop fishing. I want your present to be a surprise."_

The blonde looked around her to make sure no one was in earshot, "Does it involve you and very little clothing?"

_Emily laughed, "Definitely at some point but I'm getting you a gift too."_

"Ems, you know I hate surprises, can't you give me just a little clue?" Naomi whined.

"_No, I can't tell you anything otherwise you'll just guess. You'll like it though."_

Naomi smiled, "I'll always like anything you pick for me. So I suppose I'll be meeting Effy alone for lunch then. By the way Mum called, the boys have been fighting again, apparently Ben called Josh stupid."

_Emily sighed, "When I find out who was responsible for teaching him that word I'm going to kill them. Although I suspect it was Auntie Katie, Cook or Uncle James so I might need a rethink. Anyway I'll see you later, I thought we might go early tonight as it's our first day back?"_

"Good idea, I'll see you about 4.30, I love you Mrs Campbell-Fitch."

_Emily smiled, she'd never tire of being called that, "I love you too baby."_

* * *

Just as she was putting the phone down Effy came up to her, "Hey Em, glad to be back?"

Emily shook her head, "Not really, the holiday was fantastic. The boys loved the sea and beach and having our own pool was brilliant."

Effy smiled, "I'm guessing that the boys didn't love the pool as much as you and Naomi did?"

Emily blushed, "It was like our first holiday again, I couldn't keep her off me. Not that I'm complaining. It's strange, I always thought once we settled down everything would get boring and into a routine but I can honestly say I don't think I've ever loved her more."

"So are we still on for a catch up over lunch?" Effy asked.

Emily sighed, "Sorry, it'll have to be you and Naoms. I'm going to get her birthday present."

"Ooooh, spill the details. I love presents." Effy asked eagerly.

Emily called up the website on her computer and showed Effy the necklace. "I figured I'd spoil her with a bit of bling. I got the fancy engagement ring so I thought Naomi deserved a big diamond of her own."

Effy whistled, "It's beautiful, she's going to love it." The brunette stopped as she saw the price, "Fuck me Emily, how much?"

Emily shrugged, "She's worth it. Keep this to yourself though, I don't want to find out you've cracked over lunch and told her ok?"

Effy nodded, "You have my word, no matter how hard Naomi tries or how dirty her tactics are, my lips are sealed."

* * *

Emily entered the jewellers at precisely one o'clock, she wanted to make sure she got that necklace. The bell rang and she walked up to the counter, and the assistant turned to her with a smile, "Hello, can I help you?"

"I hope so, my name is Emily Campbell-Fitch. I rang earlier and spoke to someone about keeping a diamond necklace to one side for me."

The assistant's smile grew, "Ah yes, Mrs Campbell-Fitch, I'm the person you spoke to." She held out her hand, "Natalie Jones at your service."

Emily shook her hand and smiled, "Nice to meet you and thank you so much for putting aside for me, I've been trying to track it down for ages."

"It is a popular necklace, helped of course by the fact it's very exclusive. Shall I go and get it for you now?" Natalie asked.

"Please, I'm quite excited." Emily replied.

Natalie walked out through the back of the shop. This is going to be one hell of a commission, she thought to herself, although I assumed she'd be older. She sighed, maybe one day someone would think she was worth spending all of that money on. She picked up the box and went back through to the shop.

"Here we are, I made a point of hiding it as I didn't want it to be sold by mistake." She placed the box on the counter and removed the necklace. "It's IGI certified 0.5 carat diamond, set in a platinum casing. The diamond is very high quality, G/VS1 which is probably about as good as it gets without going to a specialist sale and is conflict free. You can see the way the light goes through it that there are very few imperfections. Coincidentally, it's called the Emily. Is it for you? I know I always make sure I pick out a present for myself from my boyfriend, God knows what I'd end up with otherwise."

Emily picked it up, mesmerised by the way the light was sparkling through it. "Sorry, it's just so beautiful. No it's not for me, it's a birthday present for my wife. I wanted to get her something special and I couldn't believe they actually made a range called the Emily. She's going to love it, especially as it's conflict free."

Wow, I didn't see that one coming, I just thought she'd be maxing out the old man's credit card, Natalie thought. She smiled, "Your wife is a very lucky woman indeed."

Emily shook her head, "Actually, I'm the lucky one. I'll take it but I also need something smaller, and definitely not as expensive, to go with it. It's a present from our children, who would actually give her a Dora the explorer pencil if they had their way. Can you recommend something else?"

Natalie responded, "Of course, how many children do you have, if you don't mind me asking?"

Emily laughed, "I don't mind at all, I'm afraid I'm one of those really annoying parents who loves any opportunity to pull out the family snaps." She reached into her bag and pulled out her purse, she opened it to reveal a picture nestled inside. "That's me, Naomi and our two boys. Josh is three and a half and Ben is 20 months." She smiled proudly.

"You make a lovely family." Natalie said genuinely, "The necklace comes with a white gold chain why don't you buy a platinum one from your boys?"

Emily nodded, "That's a great idea, then it can be from all of us. Thank you Natalie."

Natalie carefully put the necklace back in its box and pulled out a platinum chain, "How about this one, it almost matches the one that comes with it."

"That's perfect, I'll take it. Now for the moment of truth, and I warn you Natalie, I may faint when you tell me how much this all costs." Emily said

Natalie smiled warmly, "Don't worry I'm used to it although it's usually men and engagement rings. Would you like them gift wrapped?"

"Please, I'll probably only make a pig's ear of it and spoil the effect." Emily replied.

The assistant quickly cut the paper and expertly wrapped the two boxes, finishing them off with ribbons and a bow. "Here you go, and this envelope contains the certificate of authenticity and a valuation for your insurers."

Emily picked up the boxes and envelope and put them inside her bag, "Thank you they look beautiful." She handed her card over to the assistant, "I'm doing this now so you don't have to prise it out of my hand later."

Natalie laughed, "Ok, so are you ready?" Emily nodded, "in total that comes to £3,800."

Emily let out a gasp, "That's fine, I knew how much it was, but when you say it out loud it seems a scarily large amount of money."

"Shall I process the payment?" Natalie asked.

Emily thought of the look on Naomi's face when she opened the box, "Absolutely, she's worth every penny."

Natalie watched her walk out of the shop and thought what a lovely woman, and how lucky is her wife? She knew the commission would be good but she wasn't bothered. Emily had been so happy and she just hoped the necklace would make Naomi as happy when she received it.

Emily walked down the road and checked her watch, "Shit, I've been in there longer than I thought, I'm going to be late back to work." She pulled her work blackberry from her bag and quickly typed an email to Effy.

_Eff, it took me longer in the jewellers than I meant. I'm on my way back now but cover for me just in case._

She had just pressed send when she started to cross the road. She glanced down to check that the message had gone, which is why she didn't notice the van come hurtling around the corner. She heard the squeal of brakes but it was too late. She was flung into the air and her bag and blackberry crashed to the ground. A picture of Naomi, Josh and Ben flashed through her mind before everything went black.

* * *

While Emily was at the jewellers Naomi had met Effy for lunch as planned, they'd also been joined by Katie.

"So then sister in law dearest, how was your holiday and how are my two favourite boys?" Katie asked.

Naomi grinned, "Hey Katie, the holiday was amazing. It was like our honeymoon but even better because Josh and Ben were there. They loved it, making sandcastles and bobbing up and down in the sea all day. Luckily that meant they were knackered by the evening so Emily and I could get some time to ourselves."

Effy smiled her trademark enigmatic smile, "Plenty of naked swimming in the pool I expect?"

Naomi looked surprised, "Actually yes. How do you do it Eff?"

Effy decided to come clean, "Actually for once this isn't down to the famous Stonem sixth sense. Emily told me you were all over her earlier."

"Was she complaining?" Naomi asked.

Effy shook her head, "Far from it, in fact she told me she'd never loved you more."

Naomi smiled, "Even so I shall be having words with my wife later on, I mean she can't just go around revealing private details to all and sundry."

Katie snorted, "She normally doesn't need to as you two pretty much let us see a live show most of the time."

Naomi grinned, "Look I can't help it if your twin sister is so hot that I find it hard to keep my hands off her."

Effy noticed her blackberry flash, she read the email. "Speak of the devil, she's going to be late back from picking up your present, which you will love by the way."

Katie clapped her hands together, "Oh the present, I can wait to see it. Effy's right, you will love it, but if you don't can I have it?"

Naomi stared at the two of them, "So you both know what I'm getting and neither of you will tell me?"

They both shook their heads, "Sorry Naomi, my lips are sealed and I'm not going to incur Emily's wrath by letting the cat out of the bag." Effy stated

Naomi pouted, "But you're my best friend."

Effy shook her head again, "Don't care, I'm not going to spoil Emily's surprise."

Naomi turned to Katie but the twin just laughed, "She's my sister, there's no way I'm going to be on your side."

For the next twenty minutes Naomi tried in vain to get even the smallest clue out of them but they refused. They finished their lunch and made their way back up to the office, "Come on Eff, I thought you were supposed to be covering for Emily in case she was late. She'll have been back ages ago at this rate."

* * *

As they approached the corporate division where Emily and Effy worked they were greeted by Mr Stevens, the vice president of recruitment and HR, and a policeman in the corridor. "Naomi, I've been looking for you, can you come into my office please."

Naomi stood rooted to the spot, "No, no please God don't let anything have happened to Emily or the boys." She ran up to Mr Stevens, "Tell me now, what has happened?"

The older man looked at her kindly, "Naomi I think it would be best if you came into the office, we're already starting to attract a crowd."

"FUCKING TELL ME NOW." Naomi screamed at him.

Mr Stevens sighed before relenting, "Emily has been involved in an accident, she was hit by a van. She's alive but badly hurt and she's been taken to Bristol Royal Infirmary. This police officer is here to escort you there."

Naomi looked around wildly until she focused on the policeman, "Please take me there now, I need to get there as soon as possible."

Katie looked through the crowd, "Cook, you need to let my Mum, Dad and James know and Gina and the boys. Meet us at the hospital as soon as you can." She took Naomi's hand, "I'm coming with you."

Naomi nodded as Effy came up to her and gave her a hug, "It'll be ok, she's strong. I'll get your stuff and meet you there. Now GO, Emily needs you."

The policeman motioned for the blonde and Katie to follow him, "Don't worry madam, we will get you there in no time."

In the car, with the sirens blazing Naomi sat and stared out of the window. Katie had her hand in a vice like grip and they were both locked away in their own thoughts but each of them was bargaining.

_Not my Emily, nothing can happen to her. Please God, I will do anything, anything at all if she's ok._

The policeman was true to his word and they arrived at the entrance to A&E in record time. They rushed in to the reception, "Excuse me, my wife has been brought in, Emily Campbell-Fitch? Can you tell me if she's ok?"

The receptionist took an age looking at her computer screen, "Oh yeah, road traffic accident. Take a seat and I'll get her doctor to come and see you as soon as she can."

Naomi narrowed her eyes, "Listen you stupid bitch, do you understand what I've just said? My wife is in here and I don't even know if she's alive or dead, so no I won't FUCKING SIT DOWN AND WAIT. I WANT TO SEE SOMEBODY NOW."

The receptionist recoiled, "I have a right to work free from abuse."

Katie pulled Naomi back just in time, "Naomi, NAOMI, punching her is not the answer and it's not helping Emily. Let's sit down and wait."

They had been sat down for 15 minutes or so when Cook and Effy came into the A&E closely followed by Emily and Katie's parents and their brother James. Finally Naomi's Mum walked in with Josh and Ben. They all rushed over to where the two were sitting, "We got here as fast as we could. How is she?"

Naomi stared blankly, "I don't know, because NO ONE HAS TOLD ME WHAT IS GOING ON," she shouted towards the reception. Suddenly a petite blond woman came into view, "Mrs Campbell-Fitch? I'm Dr Robbins, if you'd all like to come through there's a room you can wait in."

When they reached the room Naomi turned to the doctor. "Please I need to know how she is. What's happening?"

Dr Robbins looked directly at her "Emily was hit by a van when she was crossing the road, eye witness accounts say that she was tossed in the air and she landed heavily."

Jenna interjected, "I'm her Mum, please tell me my baby is going to be ok."

Dr Robbins turned to her, "I won't lie to you, Emily has sustained a number of serious injuries and is currently in theatre being operated on. We are doing everything we can to save her."

Naomi looked bereft, "So what do we do in the mean time?"

"The only thing you can, you wait and if you believe in God, you pray. I'll let you know as soon as she's out of the operation."

* * *

They all sat in the room for hours, Naomi paced up and down like a caged animal. Freddie, Panda and Thomo had come to join them as soon as they heard the news.

"Why aren't they telling us anything?" Naomi asked for the 1,000th time.

"I don't know love, but they will as soon as there's news to report." Gina replied, it was killing her to see her daughter like this. She looked over at Jenna and gave her a weak smile, imagining the hell she was going through.

Naomi looked down as a small hand took hers, "Is Mummy going to be ok?" Josh asked.

Naomi sat down and pulled her son onto her lap, Ben was asleep in Katie's arms, and Naomi thought he was lucky that he didn't really understand this. She looked at Josh, his face was screwed up with hurt and confusion. "I don't know Josh, she's been badly hurt but the doctors will do their very best."

"Would it help if I gave Mummy Mr Froggy, he helped me when I hurt my knee." The little boy said.

Naomi smiled a faint smile at him, "Mr Froggy might help, it's worth a try eh?"

They all looked up as the door opened and Dr Robbins walked in. Naomi handed Josh to Gina and took a deep breath. "How is she? Did the operation go ok?"

Dr Robbins looked around the room, "Emily suffered a number of injuries as a result of the accident and there were a few complications in surgery. But we managed to stem the internal bleeding and fix her up. She's in recovery now."

Naomi burst into tears, "Oh thank God, she's going to be ok."

Dr Robbins paused, "As I said she's in recovery, but the next 24 hours are crucial, she's not 100% out of the woods yet."

The blonde surgeon was surprised as she was lifted off her feet by Rob Fitch, "Thank you so much, I don't think we can ever repay you for saving our baby girl."

The whole room gave a collective sigh of relief and several people were crying and hugging each other. Dr Robbins turned to Naomi, "Would you like to see your wife?"

Naomi nodded, "Please, I need to see her." She turned to her son, "Joshy, I'm going to see Mummy now, she's not better yet but hopefully she will be soon."

The young boy looked up at her and handed her his stuffed frog, "Don't forget to take Mr Froggy."

Jenna and Katie turned to the surgeon, "Can we see her too?"

Dr Robbins shook her head, "I'm sorry, I can only let Mrs Campbell-Fitch in right now."

Naomi hugged Jenna and Katie, "Sorry I know it seems unfair, but I'll give her your love, all of you." She followed the surgeon out of the room.

"You need to prepare yourself, she looks very sick because she is." The doctor told Naomi.

Naomi nodded, "It's ok I understand, but I need to see her."

They walked through three sets of double doors before Naomi was shown into a room, she gasped as she saw Emily. She was covered in bandages and virtually every part of her that wasn't had a machine linked to it. She was on a ventilator and she looked so small and vulnerable. Naomi stopped as her heart contracted in her chest and tears spilled down her cheeks. She was motioned into the room by a dark haired woman, who pulled up a chair for her.

"Mrs Campbell-Fitch, I'm Dr Torres, I was one of the surgeons who operated on your wife. I know it's hard to see it now, but she is a very lucky woman, we almost lost her a couple of times."

Naomi looked at her gratefully as she sat down, "Thank you. Can I touch her? I mean take her hand?"

Dr Torres nodded, "Of course, we'll leave you alone."

"Can she hear me? If I talk to her?" Naomi asked tentatively.

The doctor smiled, "I'm not sure, but it can only help right?"

She walked over to where Dr Robbins stood and took her hand, "Oh God Arizona, I don't know how I'd cope if that was you." She whispered.

"Let's hope we never find out, Calliope." The blonde surgeon replied. As they left the room they could hear Naomi talking.

"Oh Emily, I thought I'd lost you. I was so scared, I don't know how I'd manage without you. You're my world."

* * *

Naomi woke suddenly, she'd only drifted off for a minute but she didn't want to fall asleep in case Emily came round. She was still holding the redhead's hand and she felt a squeeze, that's what woke her up, Emily had squeezed her hand.

She looked up expectantly and saw the beautiful brown eyes of her wife staring at her, she smiled and said "Hey you," before bursting into tears.

Emily had been taken off the ventilator just a little while ago because she had been trying to breathe on her own. She opened her mouth to speak but only a croak came out. Naomi looked around the room and found some water and poured Emily some. She held the cup to the redhead's mouth and gently tipped it so she could drink.

Finally Emily managed a weak smile and said very quietly in a raspy voice, "Hey you back."

"How are you feeling? Sorry stupid question." The blonde asked

Emily smiled again, "I've been better. What happened? The last thing I remember was emailing Effy to say I'd be late."

"You got hit by a van while you were crossing the road, you nearly died and they spent hours operating yesterday." Naomi replied. "Oh Ems, I nearly lost you, the pain was unbearable. Don't ever scare me like that again ok?"

The redhead squeezed her hand again, "I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere, I couldn't leave you alone."

Naomi leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips, "Too right, the deal was that we'd get old together remember?"

Emily smiled, "I know. How are the boys? Are they with your Mum?"

"They're down the hall in a waiting room along with my Mum, your Mum, Dad, Katie and James. Oh and Effy, Freds, Cook, Panda and Thomo are there too."

Emily blinked, "That's half of Short & Milner's hot shots, I hope they didn't mind."

Naomi smiled, "Tough if they did, you're more important than some stupid job."

The blonde flinched as Emily gripped her hand tightly, "Ouch, that hurt. Getting your strength back already eh?"

Emily stared at her, "Naomi, please look after the boys, don't let any harm come to them."

"Of course I will, we both will." Naomi replied.

"I mean it, promise me." The redhead said.

Naomi nodded, "Ok I promise to look after the boys."

Emily smiled weakly and gripped her hand again, "You're the most precious thing in the world to me, always remember that I love you Naomi."

"Baby, I know you love me. And I love you Emily, more than life itself."

She felt the grip on her hand ease off and watched as Emily's eyes slowly closed. Suddenly the machines started beeping and flashing. She stood motionless as the room was flooded with people.

"Her BP is dropping fast, quickly get the crash cart. And get her wife out of here." Arizona Robbins shouted.

Naomi felt someone trying to move her, "Mrs Campbell-Fitch you need to leave now."

She shook her head, "I'm not leaving her again."

This time she was more forcibly moved and as she left through the door she screamed, "EMILY!"

She was led back to the waiting room where all of the anxious eyes were on her. The tears started to fall as she repeated over and over again, "But she was awake, she was talking to me. I don't understand."

Back in the hospital room Dr Robbins felt someone grip her shoulders and she heard her girlfriend say, "Arizona, you've done all you can.

She stared ahead and said, "Charging to 320, and clear." She placed the paddles onto the redhead's chest and shocked her again. The machine showed a flat line.

"Arizona, you need to call it." Said the dark haired woman.

She turned around, "No Callie, I don't. You saw them together, I'm not giving up. I wouldn't want anyone to give up on you." There were tears spilling down her cheeks. Slowly Callie reached over and took the paddles from her hand.

Arizona Robbins looked at the clock, "Time of death, 6.05am."

That short statement created an Emily Campbell-Fitch shaped hole in the universe, as everything she was and could have been was suddenly extinguished.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello I said I would to try to update this story by early this week and so here is chapter 2. I promise I won't leave it so long between chapters next time.**

**I know it is a bit strange to start a story where Emily dies (and I'm sorry she really is dead) but I'm hoping you'll stick with it and see what I had planned, she will feature heavily in this story both in terms of flashbacks but also in a slightly different form in the present, all will be revealed below.**

**This and the next two chapters are pretty short on laughs I'm afraid but like I have said previously the overall plan for the story is much more upbeat, albeit bitter sweet in some places.**

**So I hope you - I was going to say enjoy but that might be asking a bit much for this chapter - appreciate (is probably better) the update and if you have time to review please let me know what you think. ****

* * *

**

DAY 0, A.E. (After Emily)

Arizona watched as Callie set down the paddles "This is the part of my job I hate, I now have to go down the hall and tell that woman her wife is dead. Everything they've planned, everything they hoped for, is gone. All because I couldn't save her."

Callie pulled her into a hug, "I know it's hard babe, but we did all we could, it's not your fault. Do you want me to come with you?"

Arizona nodded and took her hand, "I know it makes me chicken but I'm not sure I can do this alone."

They walked in silence for a short while until Arizona stopped, "Callie, I've been thinking, I know I said I didn't want kids but seeing something like today, when everything is snatched away from you without any notice makes you reassess things. I'm not saying a definite yes but I am telling you we can talk about it, it's not a taboo subject anymore."

Callie stared at her girlfriend, "Look Arizona, don't rush into things and say something you don't mean. It's hard when you lose a patient, it can fuck up your head."

Arizona sighed, "Calliope you're not hearing me, sometimes I panic, in the heat of the moment I call things wrong. What I'm saying is that I'm sorry for ruling out having kids and never wanting to talk about it. We're in a relationship, a beautiful pink bubble, but it's not fair to keep avoiding big issues just because they make me uncomfortable. We'll talk about kids ok? I don't know how it will turn out but it's not off limits."

Callie squeezed her hand, "Ok, we can explore the idea of having kids, but you know I'll always love you no matter what right?"

Arizona smiled, "If there's nothing else I'll take away from today it is the fact that you and I have each other, we're lucky to be together and we need to cherish that every day."

Callie nodded, "I do. But right now we need to be strong professionals going to tell Mrs Campbell-Fitch that her wife didn't survive."

* * *

Back in the room Naomi gasped and doubled over, the pain was unbearable and she knew instantly what it meant. She looked up and stared blankly at the wall. "She's gone." Naomi whispered quietly.

Katie began to shake her head, "No, no way. Em is going to be fine, she's strong. You fucking spoke to her Naomi, you said she was awake and talking to you. She's going to be ok."

Naomi stared at her and said matter of factly, "Katie, Emily is dead."

Tears began to spill down Katie's cheeks, "How do you know? How could you know and not me?"

"I know." Naomi stated.

Katie moved towards her, "I'm her twin, we're two halves of a whole, we're connected. I'd know if she didn't make it."

Effy stood up, "Katie stop shouting, you're scaring Josh and Ben."

"Fuck you Effy, this is my sister. All I'm asking is how Naomi knows." Katie said with anguish on her face.

"I can sense the world has shifted, my world has shifted. Everything I knew and trusted is gone, everything is wrong. Every fibre of my being is crying out in pain and loss and there is a hollow space in my chest where my heart used to be. Only now it's been shattered into a million tiny pieces, because it was Emily's to keep and protect and she can't do that anymore and the only way she would ever let it go is if she were dead. That's how I fucking know Katie." Naomi spat at her.

They were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door and as soon as they saw the two doctors they knew Naomi was right.

Arizona coughed, "I'm so sorry, we did everything we could but we couldn't stem the internal bleeding. I know it's not any consolation right now but she wouldn't have been in pain."

Jenna wailed and started repeating over and over, "My baby, my baby." Katie clung to her and the two women sat rocking backwards and forwards as their bodies shook.

James watched in horror as his father began to repeatedly punch the wall, with tears spilling down his cheeks. He walked over to Rob and grabbed his arm, "Dad don't, you'll hurt yourself."

Rob stared at him like he didn't know who he was before pulling his son into a bear hug. At first James was embarrassed, they weren't really the hugging type but then the enormity of what had happened hit him. Emily was dead. His sister, the only member of his family to ever treat him semi-normally, was gone. Nothing was ever going to be right again. He hugged his Dad tightly back, never wanting to let go.

Arizona squeezed Callie's hand tightly and looked away, unable to deal with the grief that was pouring into the room, unable to watch as the faces screwed up tightly contorted with pain.

The only person not crying was Naomi, she sat in the centre of the room staring into space. Callie let go of Arizona's hand and walked over to the blonde. She stood patiently until Naomi noticed her.

"Thank you, I know you did your best." Naomi said in a monotone.

"Mrs Campbell-Fitch, would you like to see your wife?" Callie said gently.

Naomi shook her head, "No I saw her before, other people should have a chance to say goodbye."

Callie nodded, "Fine, but when you're all ready we'll be down the hall."

Naomi nodded as she watched the two women leave. Then she went back to staring into space. Effy walked over to her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Naoms, you should go and see her. The boys need to say good bye too." Effy said looking at her friend through her red eyes.

Naomi looked at her friend, "Sorry what did you say?"

"I said Josh and Ben need to say goodbye to Emily." Effy repeated.

Naomi nodded and turned to Gina, "Mum, you can take the boys to see Emily can't you? Then can you take them home with you, I don't think this is the best place for them to be right now. There's so much I need to sort out."

Gina nodded, "Of course love, but Naomi don't you want to take Josh and Ben with you? You know, see Emily one last time as a family."

Naomi sighed, "Why is no one listening to me? I don't need to see Emily, I've seen Emily, I spoke to her. Now she's dead and I don't need to see her to know that's true. I need to get on with arrangements for things, sign papers, I don't have the energy to look after the boys as well."

Upon hearing her words Jenna looked up, "Why don't you want to go to Emily?"

Naomi blinked a few times before focusing on her mother-in-law, "Like I said other people probably need to say goodbye."

Jenna's face twisted, "Jesus Christ, what's the matter with you? Your wife, my daughter, is lying dead on a hospital slab and you don't want to see her? Don't you even care?"

Katie lay a restraining arm on her Mum, "Please Mum, of course Naomi cares."

Jenna sneered, "This is all her fault anyway, if Emily hadn't been going to get a stupid birthday present for her none of this would have happened."

There was a collective gasp around the room. Naomi stood up and walked towards the door, before she exited she turned back, "Don't you think I know that," she said quietly before leaving.

After what seemed like a lifetime Effy stood up, "I'm going to find her."

Once the brunette had left Gina stood in front of Emily's Mum, "Jenna, I can't even begin to pretend I know what you are feeling at this moment so I won't try. But if you ever speak to Naomi like that again, if you ever imply any of this was her fault or that she doesn't love Emily I really won't be responsible for what I do to you."

Jenna nodded at her, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but the pain is intolerable."

Gina sat beside her and held her tightly, "I know love, I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but there isn't. Why don't you go and see her, I can stay here and take the boys down afterwards."

Jenna blew her nose and rose from her seat, she leant against Katie for support and was the first to take the long journey down the hall where her worst nightmare as a mother would be confirmed – she had outlived one of her children.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the hospital room the ghost of Emily Campbell-Fitch floated around the ceiling. She felt strange, well technically she couldn't feel anything but she thought she would feel peculiar if it were possible. She stared down at her lifeless body and watched as the nurses moved round the room removing the various machines she had been attached to.

Suddenly there was a popping noise and a teenage boy with light brown hair and green eyes appeared next to her.

"Hiya, sorry I'm late, nightmare of a day so far. Have you been waiting long?" he asked.

Emily stared at him, "Sorry, you've had a nightmare day? How do you think mine's been? Anyway who the hell are you?"

The boy huffed, "There's no need to be rude, not that you'll be able to tell you're being rude. I'm Kevin, I've been sent to teach you the ropes."

"Teach me the ropes?" Emily asked.

Kevin nodded, "Yeah, everyone who becomes a ghost gets a guide to make the first few years easier. After that you'll be a dab hand at it and able to manage by yourself."

Emily paused, "What do you mean after the first few years? Does this mean I'll be like this forever, always destined to walk the hallways of Bristol Royal Infirmary?"

Kevin rolled his eyes, why did he always get the melodramatic ones, "I think you've watched too many crappy horror films. Don't you know anything about ghosts?"

"Not really no, seeing as I've only been one for about half an hour. That would have been said sarcastically by the way, if I could actually put any emotion into my voice." Emily replied.

"Oh don't worry about that, the emotions come eventually after a lot of training. You shouldn't expect to get them straight away. But you're obviously clever because you've worked out that you can say the emotion you think you should be feeling, that's half the battle in the beginning." Kevin said with a smile.

Emily thought the word '_frown'_ before saying, "What do you mean training? I've only just died, don't I get any rest?"

Kevin shook his head, "It's best to try to get the emotions going straight away, it can take a long time and some ghosts just find it too hard to fully develop them. They're the ones that haunt places and give the rest of us a bad name. People think they're trying to scare them but they never managed to get past the bad emotions, they're just really, really grumpy. That's why the gym is so important in the early days."

Once again Emily stared at him and thought the word '_indignant'_ before speaking, "What do you mean gym? Let me tell you one thing Kevin, my Dad owns a chain of gyms all across the South West. When I was alive I took pride in the fact that I never visited any of them unless it was to meet him for pizza. I'm not going to start being a gym bunny now that I'm dead."

Kevin shrugged, "Please yourself but it will make life as a ghost ten times harder."

"Are you always this annoying? I know I can't actually feel annoyed, but I know that is exactly what I would be feeling right now if I could." Emily asked.

Kevin looked hurt, "I'm here to help you but if you don't want my assistance I can go, there's an old lady down the hall who doesn't want to leave before her dog finds a new home."

Emily paused, "Wait don't go, I'm sorry."

"You could say that like you meant it," Kevin said with a pout.

"I would have said it with more feeling if I could, but I can't so you'll have to believe me when I tell you what I think I would be feeling. So are you going to stay and help me?" Emily replied.

Kevin nodded, "I suppose so, I chose you because you're prettier than the other woman and to be honest she smelled like her dog. Shall I start with the basics?"

Emily nodded.

Kevin took a deep breath, "Right you know why you're here yes? The age old tale of unfinished business, it's all true. Normally when you die your spirit, soul whatever you want to call it goes off and reconnects with the world around it. It becomes one with nature again and some people call that heaven I guess. But sometimes your spirit isn't totally free, there's something keeping you here on earth, not alive but not totally dead either, we call that your anchor."

"So basically, there's something keeping me here and in order to be totally free I need to work out what my anchor is and find a way to release it?" Emily asked.

"See I said you were clever, you're really getting the hang of this now. So do you know what the anchor might be, what is stopping you transcending?" Kevin said with a smile.

Emily nodded, "It'll be Naomi, I won't be able to move on until I know she's ok."

"Sorry, I didn't have much time to read your file from cover to cover, we often don't when it's an unexpected case like yours. Is Naomi your sister?" Kevin asked.

Emily shook her head, "No Naomi is my wife." She stopped as she saw Kevin trying to suppress a giggle, "Is there a problem with that?"

"Are you a lesbian?" Kevin asked.

"Hmmm Kevin, what was your first clue? Obviously if I'm a woman and I'm married to a woman then yes it pretty much all points towards me being gay. Just so we're clear, that would also have been said sarcastically. How old are you?" Emily responded.

"I'm 14 and technically you were a woman who was married to a woman, now you're a ghost." Kevin said huffily.

Emily thought the word '_exasperated' _as she remembered what James had been like at 14, "Oh great, so my guide is a hormonal teenage boy who will be trying to imagine me without any clothes on most of the time and will be constantly picturing me and Naomi having sex."

"I don't need to imagine you naked, I can pop down and take a look under the sheet right now." Kevin stated.

Emily narrowed her eyes, she might not be able to feel anything yet but she was pretty sure she could still do a stern look, "Don't you even dare think about it."

Kevin stopped, "Alright, I won't, but hey I'm pretty sure you were almost angry then, a few trips to the gym and you'll start to get a much bigger range of emotions."

Emily thought both '_sigh_' and '_groan_' at the same time, not only did it look like for the first time in her life, or rather death, she'd have to go to the gym but she'd also have the pleasure of being accompanied by a 14 year old guide who would be perving on her the whole time.

_Being dead totally sucks_, she thought while also imagining the word '_irony'_.

* * *

Effy paused and leant against the wall, she had been searching for Naomi for a while now but there was no sign of the blonde woman anywhere. She saw one of the doctors from earlier standing at the nurse's station and made her way over.

"Hi I'm really sorry to interrupt, I'm here with Naomi Campbell-Fitch, her wife has just died and I can't seem to find her. She's not in with Emily is she?" Effy asked.

Arizona shook her head, "No, Callie, Dr Torres has just taken Emily's Mum and Sister in to see her. How long ago did she leave the room?"

Effy shrugged "about 20 minutes I suppose. I'm starting to get worried about her. Jenna, that's Emily's Mum, said something pretty horrible to her."

Arizona nodded, "Grief can affect people in lots of ways, we often see huge arguments taking place as people try to cope with their loss. I'll ask some of the nurses if they've seen her."

Effy gave a small smile, "Thanks I'd really appreciate it."

She watched as the doctor spoke briefly to a few of the nurses who were staffing the desk before making her way back to the brunette, "One of the nurses thinks she saw your friend leaving the toilets and heading towards the stairs about 15 minutes ago. She asked where she could smoke within the hospital and we told her about the secret place we go up on the roof, otherwise it's a long walk to the official smoking area."

Effy thanked her before heading for the stairs, Naomi hadn't smoked in years, she stopped the moment she found out Emily was pregnant with Josh and had never touched one again, even when she was drunk.

_Oh God this could be bad_, Effy thought as she climbed the flights before she shook herself, _of course it's bad you fucking idiot, Naomi has just lost the most important thing in the world to her. Bad doesn't even come close._

Suddenly Effy had a sense of dread as she thought of a devastated Naomi on the roof of the large hospital building, she began to take the stairs two at a time silently hoping Naomi hadn't done anything stupid.

She reached the fire exit and threw the door open, she quickly scanned around looking for the blonde and relief flooded through her as she saw her friend perched on the edge of the roof smoking. She made her way over and quietly sat next to Naomi, who held out the packet of cigarettes to her. She took one and lit it. They sat in silence watching the sun continue its rise in the sky signaling the beginning of a new day.

"Don't worry, I wasn't about to throw myself off," Naomi said quietly, finally breaking the silence.

Effy paused slightly too long, thereby letting her friend know that's exactly what she thought she might do, "Well you can't blame me for thinking it, the roof, the fags, losing Emily."

She felt the blonde flinch when she said the last two words, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be so blunt."

"Why do people use that phrase?" Naomi asked as she lit another fag.

Effy finally looked at her, although Naomi's eyes were bloodshot and full of pain she knew that the blonde hadn't cried yet, "What phrase?"

Naomi stared directly at her before looking back out over the sky line, "Losing someone, it's like you've been careless, you've misplaced something and it's only a matter of time before it turns up again. You lose your keys for Christ's sake, why would you ever lose someone you love. People aren't blunt or direct enough if you ask me. People should be more like Jenna."

Effy took her hand, "Naoms, Jenna was hurting she didn't mean what she said."

Naomi laughed bitterly, "You're wrong. She might calm down and regret saying it out loud but she said exactly what she was thinking, what everyone was thinking. It's my fault Emily is dead."

Effy shook her head, "No it isn't, it was a tragic accident. No one thinks it was your fault."

Once again Naomi turned to look at the brunette, "Really? I do. Jenna was right, if Emily hadn't been rushing because she was late back from lunch picking up my birthday present she wouldn't have been hit by the van. She'd have been sitting in the canteen with us all, laughing and telling stories about our holiday, not fucking lying dead on a cold metalic table in a faceless hospital."

They lapsed back into silence after Naomi's outburst, for the first time in her life Effy didn't have a clue what to say to make her friend feel better so she decided that saying nothing was the best course of action. She was surprised when Naomi spoke again, her voice was quiet and laden with emotion.

"It's not just Emily who died today." The blonde stated.

"I don't know what to say to help, I know right now it feels like you might as well be dead…..." Effy began falteringly.

Naomi interrupted her, "Much as I love you and your attempts to read my thoughts, that's not what I meant. Emily was pregnant."

Her admission stunned the brunette, who could only gasp as her hand flew to her mouth.

"We found out a few weeks before we went on holiday. Happened first time again, just like with Josh and Ben. We didn't say anything because we wanted the all clear at the 12 week scan. Obviously it was too early to tell but Em said it felt different this time so we were hoping it would be a girl. So in a little under seven months we were due to become a family of five, now instead we're a family of three." Naomi said, her voice cracking as she spoke.

Effy couldn't help herself as she felt the tears spill down her cheeks, "Oh God Naomi, I'm so, so sorry. About the baby, about Emily, about the fact I can't do anything to help."

Naomi shook her head, "You're here and there's not much anyone can do. I have to get up, go back downstairs and sign some papers before they take my wife, no correction my dead wife's body, into a morgue where she'll lay all alone overnight. My Mum is going to take my two sons home with her because I can't stand to look at them right now because they remind me too much of Emily. I can't be any comfort to anyone, least of all two little boys because I'm afraid if I start to cry I might never stop. I just want to go home, if you can call it that anymore, and curl up into a small ball and make the pain go away. But the only person who has ever been able to take my pain away, the only person who always made everything alright in my life is Emily and now she's gone. I'm all alone and I'm not sure I'm ever going to figure out on my own how I'm going to get out of bed everyday much less get on with what could laughingly be described as a life. So you being here is helping if only because temporarily I don't have to think about anything that is going to happen after I go back inside."

Effy reached over and hugged her friend tightly, "You're not alone."

They remained in the embrace for several minutes before Naomi pulled away. She stood up and held her hand out to the brunette, "Will you come back downstairs with me and stay while I sort out the paper work and stuff?"

Effy took her hand, "Of course I will, and I'll come with you to see Emily if you want."

Naomi shook her head, "Baby steps Eff, I'm thinking one step at a time. I'm not ready to face seeing Emily yet."

Effy nodded, "Ok, we'll go back inside and take it from there."

Naomi smiled sadly at her friend, grateful she understood not to push her. She took a deep breath, "Let's do this." She said as Effy led her back towards the fire exit.

* * *

While Effy and Naomi had been on the roof Kevin and Emily had been bickering again, the redhead had a constant stream of words popping into her mind as they continued to argue. The most common one was '_annoyed_'' as in '_I'm annoyed, he's annoying, it's annoying_.' The second most common was '_frustrated_'' as Emily began to tire of not feeling anything. She knew most of the emotions she was thinking about were things she should feel but she was still no closer to experiencing anything even resembling a reaction. She knew Kevin had told her it might take a while and she shouldn't expect to pick it up straight away, but she had always been competitive and besides she was special, Naomi had taught her to believe that.

Kevin sighed exasperatedly at her again, "I keep telling you, if you come to the gym now then you might start to feel some sensations within a week or so. I can't just pull out a magic wand and wave it, it's going to take hard work."

"As I keep telling you, I'll go to the gym soon. I'm not ready to leave my body behind yet, it feels wrong." Emily replied.

He was about to argue when they heard the door open and Callie Torres entered followed closely behind by Jenna and Katie. Emily immediately detected a shift in the atmosphere, "What was that?"

Kevin stared at her, "What?"

"The breeze when my Mum and sister walked in." Emily replied.

"You detected that?" Kevin asked, his eyes wide with surprise.

Emily nodded.

Kevin looked thoughtful, "Hmmm, now this is interesting."

Emily stared at him, "What is?"

Kevin shook his head, "Nothing, don't worry about it." In spite of his words his mind was racing, he had heard about this happening before but hadn't actually witnessed it. They called it multiple anchors, where someone who died had not just one but several reasons to stay around. There was always one main anchor but other people could exert a pull too. The fact that Emily had detected the shift meant she was already progressing towards getting her emotions back even if it was only slight progress. Of course he wasn't going to tell the redhead that, everyone had to do their time at the gym regardless of how advanced they might be. He stared over at Emily who was looking intently at her family. There was already a trace of expression about her features.

They watched in silence as Jenna walked over to where her daughter lay and gently pushed her hair back from her face, she bent down and softly kissed Emily's forehead which was badly bruised.

"Night, night, my beautiful girl." She whispered before the sobs took over her body again.

Katie followed her and repeated the gesture "Katie shum Ems, Katie shum." She said reverting to the twin language they had used as children.

She wrapped her arms tightly around her Mum, and both Fitch women stood routed to the spot lost in their own sense of hurt and loss. Rob and James came into the room and the two men's faces twisted in pain as they saw the redhead's lifeless body laid out before them.

Rob took his daughter's hand "What am I going to do without my Emsie to keep me on the straight and narrow?" he asked gently before breaking down.

James couldn't take anymore, not only was his sister dead but the grief of his family was overwhelming. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." He said before running from the room.

"It's ok James, I know it must be hard but please say goodbye." Emily whispered.

James never knew what made him turn around that day but he suddenly stopped running. No matter how difficult it was he knew he had to go back. He re-entered the room and walked over to Emily, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave without saying goodbye. I'll miss you."

They stood in silence with their arms wrapped around each other for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts with only the sound of their sobs and sniffs punctuating the air.

Emily watched as Gina came into the room with Josh and Ben, she felt a pain stab through her and turned to Kevin, "I felt a pain then when my children walked in the room, it was real."

"Are you sure?" Kevin asked.

"Of course I'm fucking sure, I know what I felt," Emily snapped at him.

Kevin looked taken aback, "There's no need to get angry."

Emily was about to reply when the implication of his words sunk in, "You could tell I was angry, I've started to feel things. I thought you said it would take ages?"

Kevin shrugged, "Normally it does, it can take months sometimes, but obviously in your case you've been able to draw on how strongly everyone feels about you and develop emotions straight away."

Emily nodded, satisfied with the explanation and turned back to her family. She saw Josh pick up Mr Froggy from where he had fallen to the floor and give him to Gina, "Please Grandma, give this to Mama, she'll be lonely with out it."

Gina placed the soft toy next to Emily's body, "There you go Josh, Mama isn't lonely anymore."

Emily watched as Gina picked up her eldest grandchild and lowered him towards her body, "Give Mama a kiss goodbye."

Tears sprang into Emily's eyes as she watched Josh and then Ben kiss her gently before Gina hugged them both tightly.

"Oh you're kidding me, you can cry already?" Kevin said not quite believing his own eyes.

Emily nodded, "I suppose so, is this unusual too?"

Kevin nodded, "For the day of death it's virtually unheard of, I mean some ghosts never manage to cry."

Emily looked towards the door as one by one Cook, Tommo, Panda and Freds walked into the room. They seemed unsure if they would be welcome but were motioned inside by Jenna and Katie. Cook immediately wrapped his arms protectively around his girlfriend and looked over towards Emily.

"See ya red, it's been a blast." He managed before his voice broke.

"Where's Naomi?" Katie asked.

Freds answered, "She's signing some sort of release papers so they can remove the body and picking up Emily's personal effects. Effy is bringing her in after they're finished."

They waited patiently until the door went again. Effy entered first and Kevin wiggled his eyebrows "Not bad, not really my type but pretty easy on the eye."

"Shut up Kevin, that's Effy our friend not Naomi." Emily said rolling her eyes. She gasped as her wife entered the room, she looked broken and Emily could tell immediately she was struggling to keep everything together.

Kevin whistled when he saw Naomi, "Now I know she's grieving but fuck me she's fit."

Emily sighed, the similarities with James were uncanny, "Thank you I am perfectly aware of how gorgeous my wife is, I don't need a 14 year old perv to tell me."

Kevin held his hands up, "Just telling it like it is, most people would be flattered when someone points out they've clearly been punching above their weight."

Emily stared at him, "Can I hit you, I mean physically cause you pain?"

"Eventually, if you go to the gym, then yes you could fight me." Kevin answered.

Emily nodded, "That's the first time you've made the gym sound worthwhile, but I wouldn't want to be in your shoes when I master the art of combat."

As soon as the blonde walked in Jenna came over to her, "Naomi, I'm so sorry for what I said. Please forgive me, I didn't mean it."

Naomi nodded, "It's ok, a little bit of you meant it but I know you were hurt and lashing out. There's nothing to forgive."

"I wonder what she said?" Kevin voiced the exact words Emily was thinking.

Jenna smiled sadly, "You were always far too generous when I was a total bitch but please believe me Naomi I don't think any of this was your fault, not even a tiny bit. I know you loved Emily more than anything else."

Naomi stared at her, "Love."

Jenna looked confused, "Sorry?"

Naomi swallowed hard, "You said I loved Emily more than anything else, I was correcting you, I love Emily more than anything else, present tense, the fact she's dead doesn't change that."

"Oh baby" Emily said unable to stop the tears falling as her wife's distress resonated through the room.

Naomi finally looked over to where Emily's body lay, she thought about the last time she had seen her, when she still had hope that the redhead would recover from the crash.

"Would you mind leaving me alone with Emily for a minute please?" the blonde asked quietly and was grateful as they left the room single file.

"Shall I go too?" Kevin asked Emily, who was touched by his thoughtfulness.

She shrugged "It's up to you although don't go too far as I'm still pretty new to all of this."

There was a pop and the teenager was gone leaving Naomi and Emily alone.

Emily watched as Naomi busied herself tidying things up. The redhead smiled in spite of the circumstances, at least she'd managed to achieve something in death that she had struggled with when she was alive.

Naomi pulled the sheet covering Emily's body up around her shoulders and tucked it in, she placed Mr Froggy inside the cover, "There you go baby, I don't want you to get cold or lonely."

The blonde gently pushed a strand of hair away from Emily's eyes and tenderly stroked her wife's cheek, "Don't think badly of me because I haven't cried, it's not because I don't want to. I just don't want to do it here in front of people, I need to wait until it won't matter if I completely break down. I know you'll understand that."

Naomi took Emily's cold hand in her own, "I'm going to go now baby, the boys are staying at my Mum's tonight so I'll be on my own at home but I don't want you to worry, I remember exactly what I promised and I'll take good care of them. I just need to be alone right now."

She leaned down and gave Emily a final kiss on the lips, "I love you with all my heart Emily Campbell-Fitch, I'll always love you, don't you ever forget that."

From her ceiling vantage point Emily watched Naomi reluctantly let go of her hand, "I love you too and I won't ever forget, I promise."

* * *

As Freds pulled up outside Naomi and Emily's house the blonde uncurled herself from Effy, who was sitting in the back seat with her, "Thanks for the lift and everything else."

Effy nodded, "It was nothing, I wish I could have done more."

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" Naomi asked.

Effy studied her, "Do you want us to come in?"

Naomi shook her head, "Not really, I would rather be on my own but I didn't want to seem rude."

Effy smiled, "I think it's ok to tell people what you want on days like today, even if that means being rude, which you weren't by the way."

The brunette got out of the car with her friend and gave her a hug, "If you need anything, and I mean anything, it doesn't matter what it is call me ok?"

Naomi nodded as her friend got into the front passenger seat, "Thanks Eff, I will."

She watched them drive off knowing she wouldn't call, the only thing she needed was the one thing Effy, or anyone else for that matter, could give her. She wanted Emily back, alive and well.

The blonde sighed as she let herself through the front door. She picked up their post and her breath caught as she saw her wife's name on one of the envelopes. She'd have to sort all of that out eventually but she knew she wouldn't be able to face it for a long time yet.

The house was eerily quiet and it felt empty, but this just mirrored the way she felt. She made her way to the kitchen and threw the post and her keys onto the worktop, she paused before picking up the letters, putting them in the tray and hanging her keys on the holder on the wall. Emily was always nagging her about being untidy and leaving things around to get lost.

_Emily won't be around to find things for me any more so I need to put them in their proper place_, she thought sadly as she opened one of the cupboard doors.

She found the bottle of whisky she had been looking for and automatically poured two glasses. Naomi looked down at what she had done and the futility of the gesture hit her hard. She picked up one of the glasses and threw it against the wall, it smashed to smithereens and the liquid left a trail towards the floor. She downed the remaining glass before quickly pouring herself another drink.

She wandered around, aimlessly moving from room to room, desperately searching for something, anything that would provide comfort. When she reached the study she saw Emily's phone charging in the corner. She had forgotten to pick it up the previous morning and Gina had phoned her at work to let her know. She had told her Mum it didn't matter because Emily still had her work blackberry if she needed to be contacted while she was away from the office. The work phone that now lay smashed in the box of things she had brought back from the hospital, the personal effects that her wife no longer needed.

She got her own phone from her bag and pressed the #1 speed dial. Pain saturated her body as she heard the voice on the other end when it went straight to voicemail.

"_Hi this is Emily, I can't take your call right now but leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."_

She breathed deeply before speaking, "Hi Em, it's me. I just wanted to hear your voice. I love you."

She finished her drink and went back to the kitchen to get another, but the alcohol wasn't doing anything for her. How could it? She was drinking to send herself into oblivion, but it was pointless when she already felt like she was there. She placed the glass down and made her way slowly upstairs, unsure how she would feel when she finally reached their bedroom, only now it was just her room, not her and Emily's.

Suddenly she felt tired, physically and mentally exhausted. She doubted she would sleep but at least she could try. She climbed onto the bed fully clothed and pulled Emily's pillow towards her before she inhaled the scent of her wife, it was a combination of mint and raspberry but it was also uniquely Emily. She squeezed the pillow tight before closing her eyes.

* * *

Emily watched as Naomi slept, her body occasionally jerking or a slight sound escaping her mouth. Even though she was tired and drawn Emily couldn't help marvel at how beautiful her wife was.

_I was so lucky to ever have you at all, even if it was for much shorter than we expected_, the redhead thought as she stared at the blonde's sleeping form.

She heard the popping noise before she saw Kevin. He appeared next to her and looked over at the bed. "It's good she's getting some rest, the next few weeks are going to be gruelling, they always are."

Emily stared at him, "So how come I'm here and not with Katie or my boys?"

Kevin looked at her, "I've told you she's your main anchor, she's your primary connection to the earth. The others are helping but they don't have the same pull as she does. When you get better at this you'll be able to see your connection."

"What do you mean?" Emily asked.

"There's a massively strong connection between you and Naomi, it's like a bright white cord passing between you both, that's what's anchoring you." Kevin replied.

Emily looked puzzled, "So how come I don't feel as much when I'm around Naomi than when I was with Josh and Ben or Katie and my Mum?"

Kevin paused, "Has she cried yet?"

Emily shook her head, "I don't think so."

"Hmmm," Kevin looked thoughtful, "Naomi hasn't properly accepted you're gone yet, she's saying and doing all the things a bereaved wife would do but she's acting, putting on a show for others. Until she finally gives in to her grief you'll only pick up the few lower energy emotions, it's not real."

They turned back to the bed as they heard Naomi stir. She had been a sleep for a couple of hours which although not enough was clearly better than nothing.

Emily watched as the blonde stretched and she breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent from the pillow. A small smile played around her lips as she turned over.

"Jesus Em, I've just had the weirdest dream, actually it was a nightmare. You got hit by a van and died, how sick is that?" Naomi said sleepily.

Naomi kept her eyes tightly shut waiting for the reply to come from her wife, when it didn't she slowly opened her eyes. She looked at the pillow she was cuddling and realised that the smell she had inhaled was not from Emily after all. Her wife was lying in a hospital morgue, it had not been a nightmare, it was all real.

For the first time since the accident Naomi truly understood, Emily was gone, her beautiful red haired wife was never coming back.

She would never again wake up next to her in the morning and watch her sleep before gently waking her with a kiss.

She would never again hear Emily reply "Good morning gorgeous" after she had said "Good morning beautiful."

They would never again travel into work together, meet for lunch and travel home to their children. There would be no weekend walks in the country, holidays or days out in the summer. There would be no more parties with friends, people they had grown up with, people they loved.

She would never again get to feel the soft touch of her wife's skin, nor feel Emily's touch on her own. They would never make love again, she would no longer see Emily look directly into her soul as she lost herself totally in her ecstasy.

Her soul mate was dead, the woman who had taught her what it meant to love unconditionally and be loved back, to feel safe and cherished and adored was gone, forever.

Her sense of loss hit her full force and for a moment she understood what Emily must have felt when she was hit by the van. The dull ache that had occupied her body since Emily died was replaced by a searing pain, a sharp, hot stabbing that felt like a thousand burning needles being pushed though her skin, into her muscles and vital organs all at the same time. She could not breathe.

She opened her mouth and the sound that escaped was the sound of nightmares, it started as a low growl before building to an ear splitting crescendo. The scream was almost primeval in origin, it was the oldest sound in the world. It was the sound of intense, raw grief.

Emily buckled as the wave of emotions emanating from Naomi hit her full on causing her ghostly shape to distort and ripple. She didn't need to see Kevin to know he too had felt the force of Naomi's anguish, as soon as the blonde had started to cry out she had felt his hand grab on to her arm as if he was scared she would be blown away.

She looked at her wife who was now lying on the bed sobbing uncontrollably as the full extent of her torment was laid bare for all to see. Emily felt it all and she was inconsolable. She had caused Naomi this misery, she was responsible for the heart broken state of the woman lying on the bed in front of her, and there was nothing she could do about it because she was a ghost.

So Emily did the only thing she could think of which might make either of them feel better, she used all of her energy to float on the bed next to the blonde. Slowly the redhead wrapped her arms around Naomi and she wept, with anger, sadness and frustration as she tried desperately to absorb some of her wife's suffering in a vain attempt to lessen the pain.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello there here is chapter 3. It is still a bit fraught but I tried to make it lighter than the first two. This may of may not have workded but in any case I don't think it's crying territory.**

**The reviews, as ever, where a dream to get and I'd love more. Thank you all so much.**

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**DAY 1, A.E.**Gina turned the key in the front door and let herself into the house. She squeezed Josh's hand and put her finger to her lips. "Shhh, we don't want to wake Mummy."

The little boy nodded and tiptoed into the house. Behind them Effy entered the hallway carrying Ben who was asleep. They made their way quietly to the kitchen and Gina sighed as she saw the shards of broken glass spread across the floor.

"Can you take the boys into the lounge while I clear this up?" she asked Effy and the brunette nodded.

"Come on Josh, let's put Dora the Explorer on." Effy said with forced cheeriness.

Gina moved over to the boiler cupboard and picked up the dustpan and brush. She set about sweeping the glass up and looked around for some newspaper to wrap it in. She picked up a copy of the local paper and opened it ready to place the glass inside. She stopped as she saw the listings page. One entry had been circled in red pen, an exhibition of renaissance paintings taking place in Bristol. On the outside margin was a scribbled conversation, the first and each alternate line was in red pen the rest in blue.

_If you come with me to see this next Saturday I promise I'll spend the rest of the weekend making it up to you. x_

_Fine you've got a deal, but I'm still waiting for my reward after last time so it better be something special. x_

_How does a long soak in a bubble bath followed by a massage sound? I'll get my Mum to babysit. x_

_It's a good start as long as it doesn't end there. x_

_When does it ever end there? x_

_Why Naomi Campbell-Fitch, I do believe you're making me blush. It's a date. x_

She recognised her daughter's handwriting and smiled. Emily always went to see things with Naomi; there wasn't normally a need to coax her. Then she remembered the redhead telling her once that it was a sort of game they played, where she would pretend she didn't want to go and Naomi would have to persuade her by offering all sorts of treats in return. Emily had laughed as she told Gina that Naomi wasn't that imaginative and inevitably sex was involved somewhere down the line. Gina sighed as she put the dustpan down, she tore out the page and folded it, Naomi might want to keep it. She put it aside and shook the broken glass into the middle of the paper before wrapping it and pushing it into the bin. She dampened the cloth and wiped down the wall where the whisky had left a stain. She wasn't sure how Naomi was going to cope without Emily, the redhead had been her rock for so long even if her daughter had been scared at first. Naomi had always been frightened she'd do something to mess things up but the rest of them could see they were destined to be together. Besides Emily was very patient, something Gina had always been thankful for where her daughter was concerned.

Gina thought back to the time Naomi had spent the weekend back at home after she and Emily had rowed. It was after all of that horrible business with John Foster and Naomi had refused to recommend Emily to work in the not for profit section at Short & Milner to keep her away from him.

"_Thanks for the advance notice Effy. I think I hear a car now so I'll have to go. I'm sure they'll be fine." Gina said as she put down the phone. She made her way to the front door and opened it to find Naomi standing on the other side._

"_Oh love, come in. Effy phoned to warn me you were on your way. What happened?" she said with a frown._

_Naomi's face crumpled as she started to cry, "Oh Mum, we had a fight and now Emily doesn't trust me anymore. What am I going to do without her?"_

_Gina pulled her into a hug, "You don't know it will come to that. How about some hot chocolate and you can tell me all about it?"_

_Naomi nodded and she led her daughter through to the kitchen. She told Naomi to sit at the table while she boiled the milk and made the hot chocolate._

"_Do you want some garibaldis with that?" She asked._

_Naomi sniffed and nodded again. She looks like a lost little girl, Gina thought as she placed the biscuits on the table._

"_So what was it that caused this big falling out then?" Gina asked gently._

_Tears welled up in Naomi's eyes again, "Emily found out today that she was moving into corporate because I didn't give her a recommendation."_

_Gina looked confused, "Why didn't you want Emily working with you, I thought you said she was brilliant at her job?"_

_Naomi nodded, "She is, it wasn't anything to do with me, I didn't want her anywhere near Foster. He threatened to hurt her again and all I could think about was keeping Emily safe. I mean he tried to rape me, who knows what he's capable of."_

_Gina felt her hand curl up into a fist at the mention of Foster. The animal had assaulted her little girl and practically got away with it because Naomi refused to say anything in case he hurt Emily too. "But surely Emily understands why you acted the way you did?"_

_Naomi looked sheepish, "I didn't tell her, well not until tonight. I went to see Mr Stevens and told him I'd resign if he didn't move Emily to corporate. I was hoping Em wouldn't find out the real reason, even though I knew she'd be angry."_

_Gina stared at her daughter, "Oh Naomi, how could you be so naïve? You shouldn't have gone behind Emily's back. I can understand why she's upset."_

_Immediately Naomi's face crumpled again and the tears began to fall, "See what I mean, even you're on Emily's side, and you're my Mum. She's never going to forgive me and I'm going to end up all alone again."_

_Gina reached out and pulled her daughter into a tight hug, she stroked her back as Naomi body shook with sobs, "There, there sweetheart. Emily loves you, she won't leave you. Give her some time to calm down and I'm sure things will be ok."_

_Naomi had stayed all weekend, hardly moving from the sofa. Gina had made sure there was a constant supply of tea and biscuits and she sat and listened to her daughter talk about how much she loved the redhead, how she was trying to protect her and how sorry she was. Sometimes Naomi would cry and Gina would hold her until the sobbing stopped. Gina had found herself smiling at various points as Naomi had entered into increasingly irate arguments with the television, even when she was upset her sense of injustice still bubbled just under the surface._

_She was in the kitchen on Sunday evening when her phone went. She looked at the number and answered straight away._

"_Hello Emily love, is everything ok?" She said._

_There was a pause as Emily spoke._

"_Of course it's fine. She's lying in the lounge watching telly, in fact she's barely moved from the same spot all weekend. She really is sorry for not telling you, she's terribly upset." Gina replied._

_Another pause._

"_I know love, but this is Naomi we're talking about, she often acts first and thinks about the consequences later. Do you want me to tell her?" Gina said with a sigh._

_The redhead answered._

"_Alright Emily, I won't let on you're on your way round. She'll be so pleased to see you." Gina said finally smiling._

_About 15 minutes later there was a gentle knock at the front door and Gina opened it to find Emily standing there._

"_Hi Gina, is Naomi still in the lounge?" Emily asked wearily._

_Gina nodded, "Yes, still in the same spot. I've just heard her telling the TV you weren't coming."_

_Emily gave her a weak smile, "Talking to the TV eh? It looks like I've arrived in the nick of time then."_

_Gina ushered her into the lounge and heard Naomi ranting about the X Factor. She watched her daughter spin round in surprise when Emily announced her arrival. Quietly Gina closed the door and went to wait in the kitchen. She was sure they'd sort things out but she still felt anxious. Naomi had changed so much since she'd met Emily, or rather she'd become much more comfortable with herself, Gina hated to think of them splitting up. After about 20 minutes the door opened and the pair of them walked into the kitchen holding hands._

_Naomi briefly kissed Emily and said, "I'll get my stuff and phone a cab."_

_Emily smiled at her, "Ok baby, I'll wait here. Don't be too long though, I'm already looking forward to the making up."_

_Gina smiled as Naomi dashed back into the lounge, speaking on her phone as she went. She turned back to Emily, "So everything's back on track?"_

_Emily nodded, "I know Naomi was trying to protect me, she didn't mean to upset me or lie. I forget she can have the emotional intelligence of a gnat sometimes."_

_Gina laughed, "God if you think she's bad now, you should have seen her before she met you."_

_Emily rolled her eyes, "I don't even want to think about that."_

_Naomi came back into the room with her bag, "The cab will be five minutes, don't want to think about what?"_

_Emily smiled at her, "Nothing. I was just telling your Mum how I find it hard to stay angry with you because I love you so much."_

_Naomi wrapped her arms around Emily, "Which is very good news for me because I seem to have a talent for upsetting you."_

_Emily crinkled her nose, "Seriously Naomi, no touching until you've had a shower. Jesus, did you even change clothes?"_

_Naomi shrugged, "I changed my top once because I spilt tea down the one I was wearing."_

_They heard the cab and said goodbye to Gina, she watched them walk down the path and smiled as she heard Emily telling her daughter off again._

"_All of those clothes are going straight in the washing machine when we get in, they're not going to have time to stink out the rest of the laundry. And no Naomi, I won't be washing them, you can bloody well do it yourself for a change. I'm not a housewife you know, I do have a full time job."_

Gina was brought out of her thoughts by Effy coming into the room. The brunette sighed, "The boys are watching a DVD. Oh Gina, Ben just asked when his Mama was coming back. I didn't have a clue what to say so I just left the room. I feel so awful but I couldn't bear to tell him when he was looking at me with such hope."

Gina nodded, "He wanted Emily to tuck him in last night too, I mumbled something about her loving him very much but having to go away. I suppose Naomi will have to sit down and explain when she feels stronger."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to go up and see how she is." Effy said moving towards the door.

"Ok, I'll keep an eye on the boys. Try to get her to come and see them, they missed her too last night." Gina replied as she put the cloth back in the sink.

Effy sighed, "I'll do my best but I have a feeling everything might still be too raw."

The brunette steeled herself as she climbed the stairs, she could tell Naomi was on auto pilot yesterday, even if the blonde had been hiding it well. It hurt her to see her best friend in such a zombie like state even if she understood why. _Please let her have cried or at least felt something_, she thought as she reached the bedroom door. She knocked gently before entering.

* * *

Meanwhile, Emily watched Naomi as she lay on the bed, her wife was motionless and staring into space. Emily had spent most of the night with her arms, or rather her ghostly approximation of arms, wrapped tightly around the blonde who had eventually managed to sleep. It had taken all of the redhead's concentration and energy to remain on top of the bed and a few times Emily had found herself slipping through. She didn't know if it was possible for a ghost to get tired, but she felt exhausted. When Naomi had woken in the morning Emily had finally let go and was now floating in the room again. It wasn't as comforting but it seemed to take a lot less effort. She looked around as she heard a pop next to her.

"Where have you been? I thought you were supposed to be helping me." Emily said grumpily to Kevin who had just returned to the room.

Kevin rolled his eyes, "Oh not so high and mighty now are we, Mrs this being a ghost is easy."

Emily folded her arms, "Alright I'm sorry if I was arrogant because I seemed to be making progress. I feel totally drained."

Kevin nodded, "You will do, you've only been a ghost for a day. Balancing on the bed like that uses a lot of energy; energy which you won't have unless you go to the gym to build up your stamina."

Emily groaned, "Not this again. Surely there's another way?"

Kevin shook his head, "Every ghost is made up of energy fields and the stronger these are the more 'solid' looking a ghost becomes and the more they can do. It's the same as when you were alive, the more developed your muscles, the stronger you were."

Emily sighed, "Ok, I understand that. But I was pretty strong and I never set foot inside a gym."

Kevin looked puzzled, "So how did you get any exercise?"

Emily smiled, "Kevin I had two boys under four. Seriously you try running around after them all day and then tell me you're not fitter as a result."

"So that was it? Your keep fit regime involved looking after two kids? Weren't you at work most of the day?" Kevin said frowning.

Emily shifted slightly, "Well yes in the week, but it was still hard work when we got home in the evening and at weekends."

Kevin still didn't look convinced, "Yeah but there were two of you so it can't have been that hard and I bet the boys went to bed early too. That can't be the only exercise you got."

Emily exhaled loudly, "Alright, I didn't want to have to say this as I know what 14 year old boys are like. Naomi and I had sex a lot. Very energetic and passionate sex ok? That's what kept me fit, lots and lots of sex."

She glanced over and saw Kevin looking at Naomi wistfully with a smile on his face, "I can understand why you'd want to have sex with her a lot. If I was alive I'd want to shag her too."

Emily waved her hand in front of his face, "Err, hello, that's wrong on so many levels. First, you're 14 there's no way a woman who's nearly 30 would even look at you. Secondly, she's gay which basically means that a penis doesn't really do it for her, well not one attached to a man anyway. Finally three, stop fucking perving on my wife."

Kevin blinked, "Sorry." He paused, "What do you mean? A penis not attached to a man."

Emily rolled her eyes, "I'm definitely not explaining that to you, you'll explode. Now are you going to tell me where you went that was so urgent you had to leave me alone?"

Kevin grinned broadly, "I enrolled you at the gym and booked your induction. Here look, this is your membership card and your free ectoplasm boosting starter kit."

Emily snatched the card from him, "That photo is awful, it looks nothing like me."

Kevin shrugged, "Sorry it was the best one I could get, some of the others were far worse."

Emily gave a resigned sigh, "I'm not getting out of this am I?"

Kevin shook his head, "Look, if you want to spend every night floating on the bed next to Naomi you're going to need to be much stronger."

"Fine, I'll go to the bloody gym, but I'm not happy about leaving Naomi alone." Emily stated.

She cursed as she saw Effy enter the bedroom and sit down on the bed next to Naomi.

"There you go, she's not alone now." Kevin said triumphantly.

Reluctantly Emily took his hand, "Right let's get this over and done with shall we."

There were two small pops as the pair of them left the bedroom and made their way towards the dreaded gym.

* * *

Naomi shivered as she felt Emily's ghost leave the room, she didn't know why she suddenly felt more alone but the change in atmosphere was noticeable. She didn't move as someone sat next to her on the bed. She felt a hand on her shoulder and wasn't surprised when she heard Effy's voice.

"Hey, how are you doing today?" the brunette asked gently.

Naomi shrugged and shook her head. She struggled as Effy pulled on her shoulder and attempted to turn her round. Eventually she faced her friend.

"What do you want me to say? I'm great Effy, I had a bit of a shit day yesterday but I feel so much better today that Emily is dead. Life moves on, what's for dinner?" Naomi said angrily.

Naomi could see her words had stung Effy but she didn't care, she didn't have the energy to care about anything.

Effy looked at her, she could see from the red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes that Naomi had cried. Although it made her feel sad that her friend was in such pain she was partly glad that she'd finally given in to her grief. "Did you get any sleep?"

Naomi closed her eyes, it was clear Effy wasn't going to leave her alone. She sighed, "Yeah I slept a bit. It was weird actually I had this dream that Emily had her arms wrapped around me and she kept whispering in my ear that everything was going to be ok. I know it's stupid but I actually found it comforting and it helped me sleep."

Effy gave her a weak smile, "It's not stupid and I'm glad you got some rest. The next couple of days are going to be really hard on you."

Naomi stared at her, "Eff the rest of my life is going to be hard on me, what's so special about the next few days?"

Effy shifted position, "Sorry, I just thought, you know, what with having to arrange Emily's funeral and all that stuff..."

Naomi continued to stare as her friend's voice trailed off, she hadn't even thought about the funeral, she could barely think about how she was going to get through the next hour. Suddenly she felt like there was a great weight bearing down on her and she struggled for breath, her eyes stared wildly at Effy while she clutched at her chest.

The brunette stoked her hair and whispered, "Hey it's ok, don't think about any of that right now. Please Naomi, you need to calm down and try to breathe."

Eventually the blonde's heart rate slowed and her breathing almost returned to normal, "Jesus Christ, I thought I was having a heart attack. What the hell happened?"

Effy looked concerned, "I think you had a panic attack when I mentioned the, well you know the thing I mentioned."

Naomi closed her eyes and took a deep breath, the word funeral screamed through her head. Her body began to shake as the tears started to fall again, "Emily is dead and she needs a funeral. Oh God, my wife is dead and she's going to be put in a coffin and I'm never going to see her again."

Effy held her tight as she continued to cry, repeating over and over that Emily was dead. "Shhh sweetheart, I know."

Eventually the blonde stopped sobbing. She looked at Effy and blushed, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so pathetic in front of you."

Effy stared at her, "Jesus Naomi, don't ever say that again. You aren't being pathetic, I can't even imagine the hell you're going through right now so don't ever feel embarrassed at showing how you feel in front of me."

Naomi nodded, "You know what I'm like. I only ever really felt comfortable being a sap in front of Emily."

"I know but this isn't an everyday instance is it? No one will think you're weak for being devastated because your wife is dead. I'm glad in a way you're crying, I was worried yesterday that you might stay on auto pilot." Effy replied.

Naomi sat up, "Effy, I need to be on auto pilot otherwise I'll never get out of bed again. I'm not sure I can cope with the pain all the time. The couple of times I've actually allowed myself to properly feel, it's nearly destroyed me. It was like I was exploding from the inside."

Effy nodded, "Like I said, I can't imagine how you feel at the moment but whatever you need me to do, I'll do it. It doesn't matter what it is, you only have to ask."

Tears welled up in Naomi's eyes again and she hugged her friend tightly, "Thank you."

Effy pulled away, "Look I know this might be a bit much, but do you want to come downstairs and see the boys?"

Naomi sighed as she got off the bed, "I suppose so. It's not that I don't care you know, it's just that they both look so much like Emily it's painful."

Effy nodded as she followed the blonde out of the room, "I know, but they might be a bit young to understand that."

Naomi reluctantly walked down the stairs, her legs felt like lead and it was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other at times. When they reached the hall they heard the doorbell go. Naomi looked at Effy.

"Can you get that and get rid of whoever it is, I can't face anyone today." She said wearily before walking towards the kitchen.

Effy nodded and watched her walk away as she opened the door, "Sorry, whoever it is you'll have to piss off."

"I got the first plane back when I heard what happened." George replied in her American drawl.

"You cut your holiday short?" Effy asked.

George nodded, "It didn't seem important. So can I see her?"

Effy sighed, "Technically Naomi doesn't want to see anyone but I'm not sure she meant you."

George entered the house and gave the brunette a hug, "I know it's probably a stupid question but how is she?"

Effy shook her head, "Not good. She's sort of in robot mode at the moment. She totally freaked out when I mentioned the funeral earlier. I mean I know it might be too soon, but someone's going to have to start sorting these things out. I'm just not sure Naomi is going to be up to it."

George frowned, "I'm sure Emily told me she'd made all of the arrangements herself. She insisted both her and Naomi saw a solicitor when she found out she was pregnant with Josh. I remember Naomi complaining about how morbid it all was at the time."

Effy's brow wrinkled, "Actually, I remember that too. I don't expect Emily ever dreamed her wishes would need to be carried out so soon though."

George sighed, "I don't think any of us ever thought that."

Naomi looked up as Effy and George entered the kitchen. The American immediately crossed the room and hugged Naomi tightly, "Oh Naomi, I'm so, so sorry about Emily. I came back as fast as I could."

Naomi hugged her back, "You didn't need to cut your holiday short, you and Dani were really looking forward to going back to the States."

"Don't be fucking ridiculous Naomi, how could either of us have enjoyed our vacation when we found out about Emily. Dani is coming back tomorrow by the way, I know it's strange but we didn't want to be on the same plane together in case anything happened." George replied.

Naomi turned to Effy, "Some sentry you turned out to be. I tell you I don't want to see anyone and instead you let my boss in to tell me I'm ridiculous."

George snorted, "Oh stop it, you know I'm not here as your boss, I'm here as your friend. Emily meant a lot to both me and Dani you know?"

Naomi nodded and looked at both George and Effy, "I know she did and I know she'd appreciate how kind everyone has been. I am grateful I've got such amazing friends." She took a deep breath, "Right I can't put this off any longer, I'm going to check on the boys."

They followed her into the lounge and smiled as Josh and Ben cried out when they saw her.

"Mummy, you're up. Come and watch Dora the Explorer with us." Josh said patting the sofa next to him.

Naomi smiled at him and ignored the pain in her chest when she looked into his expectant eyes that were exactly the same shade as Emily's, "Which episode is it?"

"Woof, woof, doggy." Ben said excitedly.

Naomi picked him up from Gina's arms and pulled him onto her lap as she sat down on the sofa and put her arm around Josh, "Thanks Mum. Oh good, I love the one where Dora gets a puppy."

Gina rose from the sofa, "Why don't we leave you alone for a bit."

Naomi smiled weakly at her Mum, "That would be great, best get used to it just being the three of us eh?"

As they left the room they could hear Josh talking, this episode always led to the same question.

"Can we have a puppy Mummy?" Josh asked.

Naomi squeezed him, "Not right now, maybe when you're a bit older. Let's just watch the TV."

Josh looked surprised, normally the answer was a definite no. He snuggled into Naomi's side trying not to get excited, maybe they'd be getting a doggy after all.

* * *

Emily stared at the object in front of her, she was rapidly finding out her limitations and discovering a whole host of new emotions a ghost could have. Kevin watched her, trying not to laugh.

"You can tell you've never been in a gym before, you're rubbish at this." Kevin teased.

Emily narrowed her eyes, "Oh right and I suppose you got this straight away?"

The boy shrugged, "Pretty much from day one, it came quite naturally to me."

Emily stared at him, "I don't believe you, I bet it took ages."

Kevin glanced at the pencil and flicked his eyes, it rose and he turned it around a few times before lowering it and placing it gently back on the table. He looked towards Emily with a smug look on his face and was pleased to see the redhead actually looked impressed.

"Alright I admit that was good, how long did it take you to master?" Emily asked.

Kevin paused, "About 25 years I think."

Emily looked shocked, "How long have you been a ghost?"

Kevin smiled, "Nearly 50 years."

Emily gasped, "Oh my God, why haven't you, what did you call it, transcended?"

Kevin sighed, "Well I was kidnapped and kept in a cellar under a field. I was sexually abused and my family didn't ever find my body so my kidnapper and murderer never got caught. I've got unfinished business."

Emily looked horrified until a frown appeared on her face, "Kevin, that's the plot of the Lovely Bones."

Kevin looked sheepish, "I wasn't sure if you'd read or seen it."

Emily nodded, "So what's the real story?"

"It's not as interesting, couldn't you let me pretend for a bit?" Kevin said.

Emily rolled her eyes, "Stop changing the subject and spit it out."

Kevin coughed, "Well technically I haven't been a ghost all of the time. At first I got in straight away and only became a ghost afterwards."

"Got in where?" Emily asked.

Kevin tutted, "Into heaven, where else would I mean? I got in and was minding my own business when they decided to send me back down to earth as a ghost for a bit."

Emily knew there was more to the story, "Why would they do that? What did you do?"

Kevin shrugged, "Look I'm a 14 year old boy, it's normal to play practical jokes and watch girls in the shower or when they get changed."

"So how many times have you been sent back down?" Emily inquired.

Kevin gave her a small smile, "About 10. You're not supposed to go into other people's heaven unless they invite you. I keep getting caught but it's been totally worth it."

Emily smiled back, amazed again at how like James he was, "So what is it like, heaven I mean?"

Kevin shook his head, "I can't tell you that, it's different for everyone. It'll be somewhere that's special to you and when other people enter your heaven, invited of course, they'll appear as you remember them best. So for example in your heaven you'll be the age you are now but if you go into your gran's heaven you might be a six year old girl."

Emily had never really believed in the idea of heaven but she thought that sounded nice, she thought of Naomi and smiled. She knew exactly what her heaven would look like. The redhead turned back to Kevin.

"Right come on let's get on with this and I can get back home to check on my family." She said with renewed determination.

* * *

Gina, Effy and George sat in the kitchen as Naomi bathed the boys and put them to bed. They all had worried looks on their faces but none of them voiced their fears. They sat sipping their tea before George finally broached the subject.

"Is it me or does Naomi seem a bit to normal to you?" she said tentatively.

Effy quickly glanced at Gina, "Err I'm not really sure what you mean?"

Gina sighed, "Come on Effy, you know exactly what George means. Naomi is walking round like a zombie, going through the motions with the boys but she's like an empty shell. I thought crying might do her some good but it's made things worse."

George nodded, "Look I know we weren't expecting her to cope with this but I thought I'd find someone bereft when I got here. I figured I'd have to hand out tissues and make cups of tea or whatever you British do. I didn't expect to see someone almost going about their normal business like nothing had happened."

Effy sighed, "When we talked upstairs Naomi said she needed to be on auto pilot, that the alternative was too horrible. She described it like exploding from the inside when she allowed herself to feel properly. I think this is pretty much the only way she's even contemplating surviving at the moment."

Gina rubbed the bridge of her nose, "I don't know what to do girls. It's not even like I can offer words of wisdom to help. I feel totally useless."

Effy reached over and squeezed her hand, "I think we all do Gina. I suppose the only thing we can do is keep doing the practical things and make sure we're around when Naomi finally breaks down."

George looked around the kitchen, her gaze fell on the box of Emily's things from the hospital. Silently she got up from her seat and brought the box over. She picked up the destroyed blackberry.

"Jesus Christ, how hard did the van hit her? Was he speeding?" she asked.

Effy shrugged, "We don't think so, from what the police said the driver is distraught. He genuinely didn't see her step into the road. She was e-mailing me to say she'd be late back when it happened." The brunette started to cry.

Gina reached over and took her hand, "Effy love, don't do this. We're only going to tie ourselves in knots if we keep thinking things we should have done differently. It was a terrible accident and the best we can do right now is be there for Naomi."

Effy nodded, "I know but it's horrible to think if Em hadn't been trying to tell me to cover for her she might have seen the van."

George shook her head, "Come on Eff, that's like me saying if I hadn't let Naomi go on holiday Emily might have gone to the jewellers last week instead of this one. It was an accident, it wasn't anyones fault."

She picked up Emily's engagement ring and turned it a few times so it sparkled in the light. "God I remember when Naomi bought this. It was just after the kissing incident and I asked Naomi if there was anything I could do to smooth things over between them." She thought back to the time in the office in New York.

_Naomi laughed, "Well you're already part of the way there by inviting her to Per Se, she loves good food. I'm the one who'll be in the dog house until she decides I've had enough punishment."_

_The __blonde__ paused as a thought occurred to her, "Actually, there is something you could help me with._

"_Name it." George replied._

_Naomi took a deep breath, "Well you know we've just spent the afternoon returning all of the things Emily bought?"_

_George nodded, "It was an impressive mornings shopping."_

_Naomi sighed, "Yeah, impressive is one word for it. Anyway, one of the things we returned was an engagement ring. It was totally disgusting, really over the top and I was surprised Em had picked it. It turns out that she'd chosen the most vile one she could find because she was going to throw it at me and didn't want to damage anything she thought was nice."_

_George laughed, "I was right, Emily is definitely feisty. Every time I hear something new I like her more."_

_Naomi waved her hand, "Ok, enough with the Emily appreciation. I've already acknowledged I'm the rubbish one in this relationship. So we got to the __jewellers__ and returned the ring and I saw her stop. I could tell she'd had a good look around so I asked her which ring she would actually have picked. Emily being Emily wouldn't tell me so we played this guessing game where I narrowed the search until I showed her the one I'd have chosen. Turns out I got it spot on, it was a princess cut diamond, 1.25 carat in platinum."_

_George nodded, "Very good choice."_

_Naomi rolled her eyes, "Thanks. But the point of all this is that the assistant came over and asked Em if she wanted to try it on. She really struggled, I could tell she was dying to put it on her finger but in the end she shook her head. It took all my strength not to grab it and go down on one knee there and then, but I though it might seem a bit false seeing as we'd nearly split up."_

_George looked embarrassed, "Like I said, sorry."_

"_George stop apologising, the important point is that I knew then that the thought of not being with Emily for the rest of my life was too awful to contemplate." Naomi said._

_George smiled, "So you're going to ask her to marry you?"_

_Naomi nodded, "Yeah, I'm going to ask Emily to marry me. Not right now but soon."_

_George squealed as she hugged the blonde, "Oh wow, this is huge."_

_Naomi grinned at her, "I know, but I think on some level I've always known this is what was going to happen. She's my soul mate, the only person I want a future with."_

_George suddenly frowned, "So how can I help?"_

"_Well, I couldn't buy the ring at the time and I'm on holiday after tonight so Emily will always be around. So I need you to call me tomorrow morning and say there's some sort of emergency. I'll only need half an hour but it needs to be early so it doesn't get in the way of our plans for the rest of the day." I'll send Em off for breakfast or something. Naomi replied._

_A smile spread over the brunette's face "No problem, consider it done"_

Effy laughed at George's reminiscing, "Oh God yeah, I remember Naoms phoning me up once she'd bought the ring and stowed it safely in their room at the Algonquin. She was bricking it in case she gave anything away to Emily once she got to the diner. I managed to calm her down enough by reminding her that she couldn't ice skate and Emily had her heart set on a session at the Rockefeller Centre."

They were all startled as Naomi's voice entered the room, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

George looked up before she stammered, "I was...just remembering...you know when you got this. I'm sorry."

They all held their breath as Naomi walked across the room and took the ring from George, "You had no right to go through that box, it's personal."

George gulped, "Naomi..."

The blonde stared at her, "Get out of my house."

Effy sighed, "Naoms, we didn't mean any disrespect."

Naomi turned to her, "You can fuck off as well, I told you not to let anyone in but you couldn't even manage that could you?"

"Naomi, don't be like this..." Gina started.

Naomi turned to her with fire in her eyes, "Be like what? Upset because my wife got killed crossing the road and now I find the people who are supposed to be helping me are riffling through the things she had when she died? What are you, vultures or something?"

"Naomi it wasn't like that." George said quietly.

Naomi picked up the crushed blackberry, "You can take this back as it's company property, but don't ever touch anything else belonging to Emily again."

Effy moved towards her, "Please Naomi, we're sorry. We didn't mean to upset you."

Naomi roughly pushed her before grabbing her arm and pulling her towards the front door, "FUCK OFF, all of you. I mean it, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. I don't need any of your kind words or your help. LEAVE ME ALONE."

One by one they left. Gina was the last to go "Give me a call tomorrow ok? I'll look after the boys if you need me to."

Naomi sneered as she shut the door, "I won't."

Gina, Effy and George looked at each other sadly as the door closed, "Maybe wanting a reaction wasn't the best idea in the world." Effy said as they made their way home.

* * *

There was a pop as Emily appeared in the house again. She saw Naomi slumped against the front door and all she wanted was to be able to comfort her. She noticed a change in the blonde's demeanor, Naomi suddenly appeared calmer. She watched as her wife walked into the kitchen and picked up her engagement ring. Naomi reached up to her neck and unclasped her necklace, slowly she threaded the ring through the chain and refastened it. Naomi then poured herself a drink and walked into the lounge. She sat on the sofa and picked up her phone. Emily watched as she saw the blonde type a message.

_I'm sorry. This is all too hard for me at the moment, it's unbearable. I didn't mean to shout at you. x_

Naomi pressed the button sending the text to her Mum, George and Effy. It was hardly seconds until the replies came back telling her it was fine and that they understood. She sighed and finished her drink before making her way upstairs. Emily floated behind her and looked on as Naomi checked Josh and Ben before wearily making her way to her own bedroom.

There was another pop as Kevin appeared beside Emily, "Sorry, I got held up at a meeting. Are you ok?"

Emily sighed, "Not really, I knew it was stupid to go to the gym."

Kevin gave an encouraging smile, "You did really well today. I might have exaggerated about how quickly I could move things, it takes time."

Emily shrugged, "But what's the point? Me being able to lift a pencil isn't going to help anything. It's hardly life and death, excuse the pun."

Kevin sighed, "No, but the better you get at that, the more likely your worlds can connect."

Emily stared at him, "What do you mean?"

Kevin motioned towards Ben's room, "Come with me."

They entered the youngest child's room, Ben was fast asleep and hardly even stirred as they passed over and Emily kissed him. Kevin frowned, "Ok so maybe not the best example."

They entered Josh's room. Emily leaned down and kissed the top of her son's head.

"Night night sweetheart." she said.

Josh opened his eyes and they widened in surprise, "Mama, you came back."

A look of confusion passed over his face as he tried to wrap his arms around Emily and they passed straight through her. Emily turned to Kevin.

"He can see me?" she asked.

Kevin nodded, "Children are usually quite receptive to these things. No time for the scepticism to set in."

Emily turned back to her son, "Go back to sleep Joshy."

Josh frowned, "Will you tuck me in tomorrow?"

Emily smiled, "Of course I will. I love you."

"I love you too Mama." Josh replied sleepily. Emily watched as his eyes closed and she kissed him again.

Emily turned to Kevin, "What about Naomi?"

Kevin shrugged, "There's no reason why she won't see you, if she really wants to. Like I said your connection is very strong. As long as you go to the gym it's always possible."

Emily groaned as she floated into their room. She took up her position next to her wife and wrapped her arms around the blonde.

"Right, I'll see you tomorrow." Kevin stated.

Emily sighed, "So if I work out there's more chance of Naomi seeing me?"

Kevin smiled, "Yep. I'll leave you alone now."

Emily nodded and heard the pop as he disappeared. She stared at Naomi. _I'm going to the gym everyday if there's a chance she'll see me_, Emily thought as she hugged the blonde tightly and concentrated on not falling through the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So folks here's chapter 4. Although it might make me sound a bit of an arrogant tosser, you might not want to read this at work or in public as bits of it made me cry as I wrote and edited it. So obviously I hope it they have the same (intentional) effect on you guys.**

**This really is the last chapter for a while that I intend to be sad, I promise it is going to be much more uplifting from chapter 5. But then again that's how I described chapter 3 and it still seemed to make some of you blub a bit.**

**A couple of people have said this is a bit like "What dreams may come" but it is purely coincidental as I've not see it (I even had to google it to find out it was a film). Anyway I'm assured that's not a bad comparison and have been ordered to watch it after I finish this story, so I will do that.**

**For now though I hope this is a well received update and thank you so much for reading it and your kind and helpful comments if you have the time to review. **

* * *

**DAY 7, A.E.**

Naomi sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror, she wasn't even dressed yet and she turned to look at the clothes that had been perfectly laid out on the bed. Her outfit, if you could call it something as frivolous as that, consisted of a black Dolce & Gabana trouser suit and a black top to go underneath. She had wondered whether to wear a different colour top as all black didn't really match Emily's personality but in the end she had opted for head to toe black which only partly matched her mood. Nothing could convey how much she was dreading today or how hard she was trying not to run away, shut the world out and curl up into a tight ball.

Today was Emily's funeral.

The redhead had made it a lot easier for her because she had made all the arrangements herself, they both had, but even so Naomi had never thought this day would really come and especially not so soon. Emily had been far more thorough than she had, no detail had been left out of the redhead's specifications. In a lot of ways it helped Naomi because she could sort things out with a minimum amount of thought, it was simply a case of signing a form here or ticking a box there. However, the fact that it was so easy just hammered home to Naomi how casually she'd taken the whole exercise. She swallowed back the tears as once again she felt totally inadequate as she thought how Emily would have been left to do much more if Naomi had been the one to die first.

She sighed again and spoke to her reflection, "I need to make another appointment at the solicitors to redo my arrangements. I can't have anyone having to think about anything when I die."

She picked up the clothes and slowly began to dress, feeling herself spiral further into despair. If she got dressed it was an acknowledgement of what was happening and she wouldn't be able to pretend that today was like any other day. Finally she would have to admit that today was the day she said goodbye to her wife, her beautiful redhead who made everything in her life better and seem worthwhile.

She continued to dress on auto pilot and allowed her thoughts to drift.

_Yesterday there had been a knock at the door and she'd opened it to find a courier standing on the other side with a parcel for her. She signed for it and took it into the kitchen where Gina was making the boys something to eat. Her Mum had looked up as she entered._

"_What's that in your hand love?" Gina had enquired._

_Naomi shrugged, "I don't know I haven't really looked yet, some sort of parcel for me."_

_She glanced down the address label and had to steady herself when she saw Emily's handwriting. Gina saw her stumble and rushed over to her daughter._

"_Naomi, what's the matter?" Gina asked in a concerned tone._

_Naomi took a deep breath and replied quietly, "It's from Emily."_

"_Oh sweetheart..." was all Gina could manage to say._

_Naomi placed the package down on the worktop and went over to a drawer to get a knife. She ran the blade along the edges of the parcel and eventually opened the box fully. Inside there were several letters addressed to her and the boys. Three of them were marked 'open immediately', the others were all marked with the dates of significant birthdays or anniversaries. Naomi pulled the letters out of the box and looked at the contents underneath. The rest of the box contained DVDs with various labels. Some were for her only, some for each of the boys and some were marked as for the whole family. Naomi sighed and placed the letters back in the box before carefully closing the top again. She took the parcel and made her way to the study where she placed it on the desk. She turned and walked silently back to the kitchen._

_Gina looked at her daughter as she returned, "Are you going to read the boys' letters to them?"_

_Naomi shook her head, "I can't, not yet."_

"_Oh Naomi, I know this is hard but it's tough on Josh and Ben too. You still haven't properly explained where Emily has gone." Gina said with a frown._

_Naomi looked at her with blazing eyes, "You know this is hard? How do you know Mum, who died and left you with two young children to look after? You have no fucking idea what I'm going through at the moment so stop with all the preachy crap."_

_Gina looked shocked, "I'm sorry love, I'm only trying to help..."_

_Naomi shook her head, "Really? So why does it feel like I'm constantly being judged and found to be lacking? What do you want me to tell Josh and Ben? Mama is dead and she's not coming back. Tomorrow we're going to watch her cold, lifeless body get turned into ash and sorry boys but that's it, Mama is gone and don't ask me where because the answer is nowhere. There's no fucking heaven, she's not at peace frolicking around with the angels. She's just dead."_

_During her outburst Gina had made her way over to her daughter. When Naomi stopped Gina reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. She rubbed Naomi's back as the blonde started to weep. It was hurting Gina so much to see her little girl like this and Naomi was right, she really had no idea what it felt like. Yes she'd been upset when Naomi's Dad had walked out on them, but she also knew it was for the best that he left if he wasn't prepared to be a proper husband or father. It was also true that she had never loved Naomi's Dad as much as Naomi loved Emily._

_Finally Naomi stopped crying and Gina had pulled away and looked straight at her, "Naomi, I __am__ sorry. I can't understand fully how this must feel for you because it's never happened to me. But I am trying because seeing you like this causes me so much pain and I don't know what to do to help. No one is judging you and absolutely no one thinks you're lacking. I'm so proud of the way you've kept things together for Josh and Ben as I know it can't have been easy."_

_Naomi sighed, "Sorry, I know this is tough for you too and the boys. But I'm not keeping things together Mum, I put on a brave face when other people are around and I'm sure you've all thought at one time or another that I seem uncaring or distant, but the alternative is so awful you wouldn't want to see. I've cried in front of you, Effy, George, even Katie but it's nothing compared to how I am when I'm alone, when I really left the grief wash over me. I have to close it off sometimes otherwise I really wouldn't bother getting out of bed."_

_Gina nodded, "I know love, we all know that. Maybe after the funeral Jenna and I can take the boys and give you some time to yourself, you know a few days off where you don't have to worry about other people at all."_

"_Thanks Mum, although I'll miss Josh and Ben it might be good to only have myself to take care of. That way if all I want to do is stay in bed and cry I don't have to feel guilty about not taking proper care of my sons." Naomi replied._

_Gina squeezed her tightly, "Right, I'll take the food in and tell them about their trip to stay with their Grandmas."_

Naomi was brought back to the room by the sound of a gentle knock at the bedroom door. She took a last look at herself in the mirror before she said, "Come in."

Gina entered and smiled sadly, "I was just coming to check that you were ready, the cars will be here soon."

"As ready as I'll ever be." Naomi replied confidently to her Mum, as she thought, _please, please just let me get through today._

* * *

Emily watched Naomi for a while as her wife agonised over which top to wear. Emily secretly hoped she'd go for the blue one which matched her eyes so perfectly but she wasn't surprised when the blonde had finally decided to opt for the plain black. She heard a pop and smiled as Kevin appeared beside her, her smile rapidly turned into a scowl as he uttered his first words.

"Wow, she looks even fitter in her underwear. I still can't quite believe you got to shag her regularly." He said with a whistle.

Emily's eyes narrowed and she reached over to hit him, "Kevin, stop fantasising about my bloody wife please."

"Ow, that hurt." Kevin replied rubbing his upper arm where he'd been slapped.

Emily smiled smugly, "I'm glad to see my trips to the gym are finally paying off."

Kevin rolled his eyes, "Yeah a bit, but you still can't move things."

Emily sighed, "I know and I am trying really hard, but I just can't do it."

The young boy's expression softened, "Hey, I've already told you, it will happen at some point. You're really progressing well."

Emily shrugged, "Naomi still can't see me though can she?"

"I know, but she's too caught up in her grief right now. Look at her Emily, it's taking all of her strength just to get dressed at the moment, she's hasn't got the energy to notice you as well." Kevin replied.

The redhead glanced back at her wife who had started to get ready, there was a faraway look in her eyes, "You're right, I need to give her some time."

Kevin nodded, "At least your children can both see you and they'll be able to help her when the time comes."

Emily smiled at the mention of Josh and Ben. Although neither of them really understood they weren't troubled by her present form in the slightest. They acted as if it was the most normal thing in the world that she was now a ghost and didn't seem to care that this meant they couldn't actually touch her. As long as Mama tucked them in and told them a story every night they were happy.

Emily took a final look at Naomi before saying to Kevin, "Speaking of the boys I'm going to check that they're ok."

She made her way to Ben's room but found it empty when she got there. She floated into Josh's bedroom and found the pair of them sitting on the bed arguing with Gina.

"But I don't like those shoes, they hurt." Josh whined at his Grandma.

"Yeah, hurt." Ben added eager to be just like his big brother.

Gina sighed, "Joshua, Benjamin, this is the last time I'm going to ask you nicely. Let me put your new shoes on please. You don't want to be the last ones to get ready."

Emily couldn't help smiling at her eldest son as he paused, clearly thinking of a suitable response.

"But Grandma, we won't be last. Mummy isn't even dressed yet. Is she going to get told off too?" Josh questioned.

Gina narrowed her eyes, "You know I sometimes wish you weren't so bright Josh. Mummy is getting dressed now and she'll be cross if you're not ready when she comes to get you."

"Mummy's always cross with me and Ben these days." Josh said sadly.

Gina looked at him, "Oh baby boy, Mummy's not cross with you. She's just sad Mama had to go away."

Just then Ben looked up and saw Emily who gave him a small wave.

"Mama!" he called out nudging his brother in the process.

Gina naturally misunderstood, "That's right Ben, Mama."

Ben shook his head and pointed, "Stupid Grandma. Mama."

Emily came down and floated between her two children, "Ben apologise to Grandma for calling her stupid."

The little boy looked sheepish, "Sorry Grandma."

"That's alright." Gina said slowly with a look of confusion.

Emily turned to her other son, "Josh, put your shoes on please. If you do it Ben will follow suit so be a good boy for Grandma."

"Grandma, can you do my shoes please?" Josh said with a smile as he held out his feet.

Gina's confusion grew as she stared at her grandson who had suddenly decided to be compliant. She quickly put his shoes on, "Well I'm not sure why you've suddenly decided to wear these but I'm not going to complain too much."

Josh opened his mouth to tell her the reason but shut it again as Emily shook her head and put her finger to her lips. Unfortunately Ben wasn't as observant.

"Mama said." Ben told Gina triumphantly as the older blonde finally managed to get his shoes on too.

Gina stared at him, "Mama said what?"

Ben tutted and pointed to his feet, "Shoes."

"Ben shut up." Josh hissed at his brother as he shoved him.

Ben pushed him back, "Bad Josh."

Emily gave her boys a stern look, "Right, stop fighting the pair of you. You'd better be on your best behaviour today otherwise it'll be me and not Mummy who's cross with you."

They both looked down and mumbled, "Sorry."

Gina looked between her two grandchildren who were sitting contritely on the bed, "I really don't understand what's going on here. I'm quickly going to check on Mummy and then we'll be back to take you downstairs ok?"

They both nodded as she left the room. Emily's heart melted when she saw the pair of them swinging their newly clad feet against the bed.

"Come on boys, stand up so I can take a good look at you." She said gently.

Josh got off the bed and helped his brother down. They stood in front of Emily with their arms by their sides. They were wearing identical suits and t-shirts, all in black and very much like Naomi was wearing.

Emily smiled at them, "My goodness don't you both look handsome today?"

They smiled shyly at her before Josh said, "Mummy said we could all be matching when we said goodbye to you."

Emily felt tears spring into her eyes, "Well all three of you look very smart and I love the fact you're wearing the same things."

Josh paused, "Will you be there Mama?"

Emily quickly looked at Kevin, they had already discussed the fact that it would be a bad idea. Apart from it being weird seeing your own funeral, Emily would need a great deal of energy just to be outside the house. Kevin had offered to attend and this made the redhead decide that it wasn't worth going herself because she'd rather save her energy for comforting Naomi as best she could afterwards.

"No sweetheart, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed." Emily replied.

Ben frowned, "Please Mama."

Emily stroked his cheek and he giggled as his skin tingled, "Sorry Benji, but I can't. I'll be here when you get home though."

Josh shook his head, "We're going to Grandma's and then to Nanna and Papi's."

Emily smiled, "Well ok, but I'll be here when you come home after your visits."

"You promise?" Josh asked.

Emily nodded, "I triple promise."

The two boys smiled and nodded their heads, satisfied with the answer. Emily gasped as the door opened and Naomi walked into the room, even though she was dressed for a funeral she still looked stunning and Emily couldn't help admiring her wife. The blonde took her sons by the hand and led them back to the bed where she helped Josh up before pulling Ben onto her lap.

"Grandma tells me you were refusing to put your shoes on and fighting." Naomi said sternly.

Josh nodded, "But we'll be good boys from now on Mummy, we promise."

Naomi smiled slightly, "I'm glad to hear that because today is a special day and Mama wouldn't like to think of you fighting with each other when you're saying goodbye to her."

"She said we looked handsome." Josh said before his hand quickly flew to his mouth.

Naomi stared at him, Gina had briefly told her about the boys' behaviour earlier, including the fact that Ben had said Emily was the one who had told him to put his shoes on. Although she had acted surprised to Gina, it wasn't the first time since Emily died that Josh or Ben had said Mama was talking to them. She didn't want to discourage them coping in any way possible, but it was starting to slightly worry her that they genuinely believed Emily was still around. It would hit them doubly hard when they finally realised the truth. She wasn't sure how to play this, but quickly decided avoidance was the best tactic. The cars would be here soon and this was already going to be one of the worst days of her life without adding in a confrontation with her son too.

She took a deep breath, "You do both look very handsome. Now shall we go downstairs and wait for the cars to take us to say bye bye to Mama."

The two boys nodded and Naomi smiled sadly at them.

From her vantage point Emily snorted, Naomi always was a master at avoiding conflict where the children were concerned, it was left to Emily to be the one who disciplined them. She watched them rise from the bed and make their way to the door. Just as they were about to leave the boys turned to look at her.

Emily blew them a kiss, "Bye boys, I'll see you in a couple of days. Be good for your grandparents."

"Bye Mama." Ben said with a wave.

Naomi sighed, "That's right Ben, but we don't need to say that until later."

Ben was about to explain again but Josh stopped him with a poke. Emily watched as her eldest child quickly waved at her and blew her a kiss without Naomi seeing. She marvelled at how quickly her son understood things sometimes even though he wasn't even four yet. The redhead watched them leave and decided she might as well go to the gym to get in a workout while Naomi was away. Emily sighed as she prepared to leave the house, _I really hope Naomi gets through today, I'm not really much use like this am I?_ she thought as she disappeared with a pop.

* * *

Naomi exhaled deeply and shut her eyes as she saw Jenna, Rob, Katie and James walk past the car. She was feeling nauseous and had been ever since they had left the house. She'd walked out of the front door with her Mum, Josh and Ben and had almost fainted when she saw the hearse with the coffin in it. Gina had to grab hold of her to stop her falling as her legs threatened to give way beneath her. The blonde knew the same thing was likely to happen when they got out of the car at the Church where the service was being held unless she concentrated very hard. She couldn't break down today, not in front of everyone, it would feel like she'd let Emily down when she was supposed to be strong. She'd be alone later and for the next few days, she could collapse into her grief then.

She looked up as her Mum squeezed her hand, "Ready love? Everyone will be waiting."

Naomi nodded, she had put this off for as long as she could and there was no way what was about to happen could be avoided any more.

The blonde looked at her sons, who were nervously fidgeting in their suits, "Boys I love you both very much and I know this is going to be hard but please, for Mama, try to sit still today."

They both nodded their heads solemnly and stopped moving.

Naomi took a final deep breath before she put her hand on the door handle, "Ok, let's do this. Let's say a proper goodbye to Mama."

She got out of the car and shielded her eyes, it was a brilliantly sunny day and this gave her mixed feelings. Emily always loved days like today and in a lot of ways it better reflected her wife's personality. But it also felt totally wrong given the task she was about to face. Somehow she would have preferred it to be dark and cold, almost apocalyptic as a sign that the world knew that it had lost one of its brightest stars. She put her sunglasses on and turned to help the boys from the car.

"I'll go and have a last check with the vicar." Gina said squeezing her arm.

Naomi nodded and stood for a while, staring at the hearse. Silently she took the hands of her sons and she slowly walked over to where people had started to gather.

Jenna, Katie and Effy looked up and couldn't help smiling slightly as they noticed the three of them walking towards them. They made a very eye catching family with their matching outfits. As soon as the smile had appeared it was gone as each of them was reminded of what was missing from the perfect picture.

"Hi, sorry we waited in the car a bit, it all felt so overwhelming." Naomi said apologetically as she reached them.

Jenna nodded, "I know, but to be honest I couldn't wait to get out of the car as the formality of it all was just a reminder of what it is we're here to do."

"Nanna, do you think we look handsome?" Josh asked.

Jenna smiled, "Yes sweetheart, I think all three of you look beautiful and I'm sure Mama would be so proud of you today."

Naomi turned to Katie, "Hey, have you got everything ready for your reading?"

Katie nodded, "I know Em was very specific but I've added in some bits of my own too. I'm pretty nervous about standing up in front of everyone but I don't want to let her down."

Naomi sighed, "Yeah me too. It's like this mantra I keep repeating over and over to myself, 'deep breaths, get through today, don't let Em down.' I'm not sure it's working but it takes my mind off things."

They paused as David and Barbara Stevens walked over, the VP and his wife kissed Naomi on the cheek.

"Naomi, I'm so sorry for your loss," Barbara started, "Emily was such a wonderful girl and I'll miss her very much. You and the boys must come over for dinner soon."

"Thank you Barbara, Emily was extremely fond of your dinner parties. We probably need a few weeks to get used to being on our own but I'll arrange something with David when I get back to work." Naomi replied.

David turned to the blonde, "Don't even think about returning to work Naomi, give yourself plenty of time. I've spoken with George and your diary has been cleared for the next month, longer if you need it."

Naomi smiled gratefully at him, "Thank you, but I have a feeling I'll want to go back sooner than that, if only as a distraction."

She was diverted again as JJ came over to her. He looked embarrassed and immediately got locked on.

"Naomi, I'm really sorry about Emily, we all are, she was a good friend. I haven't been over because I didn't know what to say and I've been busy, but obviously it's not as important as seeing you but I couldn't stand the thought of rambling in front of you, pretty much like I'm doing now. Oh God, why can't I just shut up..." JJ started.

Naomi smiled weakly at him, "It's ok JJ, it's not every day your wife has a baby. How is Lara and the new addition, I'm sorry I don't even know if you had a boy or a girl."

JJ's face lit up, "Lara's great and we had a little girl, we've called her Florence Emily, I hope you don't mind."

Tears pricked in Naomi's eyes, partly because of the gesture and partly at the loss of her third child. "I think she'd have been honoured JJ."

The blonde turned as she felt a tap on her shoulder and she was pulled into a tight hug "I'm so sorry about Emily and for not getting here sooner."

Naomi shook her head, "Hi Dani, I know it wasn't your fault but I'm so glad you managed to get here."

Dani sighed as she pulled away, "You have no idea how angry I got at the airport when I found out they'd overbooked. In the end I think they let me fly just to shut me up."

Naomi smiled, she knew George had been constantly phoning the airlines too and could well imagine the idea of getting rid of the pair of them was a huge factor in the decision to let Dani on a plane.

The blonde looked up as her Mum and George walked towards them. Gina gave her a weak smile before saying, "I've been to check and they're ready for us Naomi."

Naomi nodded and put her sunglasses away. She glanced towards the hearse and signalled to Rob and James it was time. She watched as Emily's Dad, brother, Cook and Freds rested the coffin on their shoulders and began the slow, painful walk inside.

Naomi took Josh and Ben's hands in her own and the three of them followed the coffin, behind them Jenna and Katie walked with their heads bowed. They in turn were followed by Effy, George, Dani and Gina. Everyone watched as the first group of mourners solemnly entered the building behind the coffin before they made their own way in. When the coffin was laid to rest on the stand at the front Naomi and the rest of Emily's family and close friends took their seats. The blonde looked around her as the rest of the people filed into the Church, it was standing room only and even then it was a tight squeeze. She was glad that so many people had turned up to pay their respects.

Suddenly the whole building fell silent as the vicar's voice came over the microphone.

"Welcome everyone, it is nice to see so many of you here and is a fitting tribute to Emily and how well liked and respected she was." He began.

Naomi stared at the coffin and almost zoned out, she didn't really want to hear kind words about Emily from someone who didn't even know her. David Stevens was going to say a few words on behalf of Short & Milner then Katie was due to speak representing the Fitch family. After that it would be her turn, she sighed and kept repeating her mantra 'deep breaths, get through today and don't let Em down,' over and over in her head, desperately hoping she would be able to do her wife justice when the time came.

* * *

Naomi squeezed Katie's hand as the vicar announced it was time for her to take the pulpit. The twin smiled briefly at Naomi and made her way to the front.

Katie coughed and took a sip of water before she started to speak. At first her words came out falteringly but her voice became clearer as she got into her stride.

"Hello, for those of you who don't know me, I'm Katie Fitch and I'm obviously Emily's twin sister. When they first meet us most people remark on how alike we look but once they get to know us they soon realise that's about as far as the similarities go." she paused as a ripple of knowing laughter echoed around the audience.

"Emily left very strict instructions about what I could and couldn't say at her funeral. Some of them, like the poem I'm about to read, I've stuck to. Others, especially the embarrassing stories Ems didn't want sharing, I haven't. Sorry sis but you don't get off that lightly and let's face it you knew exactly which rules I was going to break when you left your instructions." Again the twin paused.

Katie looked at her family before she continued, "Ems would have been so proud to see so many people here and it's right that there are because my sister was one of the greatest people I had the privilege of knowing. Even when we were little you could just see the goodness oozing out of Emily, she was kind to everyone and such a beautiful person. I was always a bit envious of her when we were growing up because she made everything look so easy, that's just the way she was, incredibly clever and nothing fazed her."

The twin took a deep breath, "To be honest I was a bit more than envious of her, I was downright jealous and I wasn't always nice to her. I didn't always stick up for her, especially when she realised she was gay. But it just demonstrates how special a person Emily was that we remained incredibly close until the day she died, as far as she was concerned we we're twins and that pretty much meant we stuck by each other through thick and thin, come hell or high water."

Katie looked over to the coffin, "It's ok Ems, you win, I won't tell any embarrassing stories. Especially not any about the countless times I've walked in on you and Naomi having sex, like that time in the pub toilets where she was..."

"Katie! That's enough in front of the children thank you," Jenna interjected with a warning note but she couldn't help smiling.

Katie looked at the audience and shrugged, "Sorry Mum, but you have to admit we caught them a lot. In fact I bet if we did a quick straw poll right now we'd prove it. Can you raise your hand please if you ever caught Naomi and Emily in a compromising position?"

Naomi began to blush as more than half the people in the Church raised their arm, including several senior people from Short & Milner.

Katie caught her eye and gave a small smile, "See, proof they couldn't keep their hands off each other. But on a more serious note Emily's life really did change the day she met Naomi. It was at a job interview and Em had only applied in the first place because I pushed her into it. That's until her eyes locked with Naomi's and she fell completely in love. Em always thanked me for making her go along that day because she met her soul mate. At first I wasn't sure Naomi was good enough for my twin sister but over time I came to love her nearly as much as Em did. You only had to see them together to realise they were a perfect match and they complemented each other completely. That's why we christened them Naomily."

The twin stared at Naomi with tears in her eyes, "I know Em woke every morning and thanked her lucky stars that she met you, got married and had two beautiful children with you. So on behalf of the whole family, thank you Naomi, Josh and Ben for making Emily's all too short life on this earth so happy."

The blonde swallowed hard and squeezed her two boys tight.

Katie looked back at the audience, "And on behalf of my family and Emily, I want to thank you all for coming today to pay your respects. The final thing I need to do is read a poem that Emily chose herself. I've practiced it a lot but I've never got to the end without crying so you'll have to excuse me if that happens. Emily picked this because she said it's how she wanted people to behave after she was dead. Again, I'm sorry sis but I'm not sure I can do what you ask. You see I'm not sure there will ever be a day that goes by when I won't miss you or stop feeling like something is absent from my life. But here goes with the poem anyway.

_**When I come to the end of the day,  
And the sun has set for me.  
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.  
Why cry for a soul set free?  
Miss me a little, but not too long,  
And not with you head bowed low.  
Remember the love we once shared-  
Miss me, but let me go.**_

_**For this is a journey we all must take,  
And each must go alone.  
It's all part of the maker's plan,  
A step on the road to home.  
When you are lonely and sick at heart  
Go to the friends we know.  
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds-  
Miss me, but let me go.**_

By the end of the poem there were tears cascading down Katie's cheeks as she stared at the coffin.

"Bye Emsie, we'll always love you and we'll all miss you very much." Katie said her voice cracking with emotion. James got up and went over to his sister, hugging her tightly as he led her back to her seat. Naomi looked along the row and could see Jenna, Rob, Katie and James holding on to each other for dear life while their tears spilled onto the floor.

Again the blonde swallowed hard, she couldn't let Emily down by crying because she'd never be able to get through her speech otherwise. She glanced briefly at her notes, Emily had left strict instructions for her too but like Katie she'd added in bits of her own. Suddenly she heard the vicar announcing her name and she panicked, she wasn't ready for this, it was too soon.

She felt Josh squeeze her hand, "Mummy, the man said you have to say goodbye to Mama now."

Naomi looked down into the chocolate brown pools looking at her expectantly and she knew the time had come to finally say goodbye to her wife and the boys' mother. She kissed both of her sons and slowly got up. As she made her way to the front there was a small pop and Kevin appeared. Emily had specifically asked him to report back on how Naomi was coping.

He looked at the blonde who was reluctantly standing behind the pulpit, _not very well if her face is anything to go by,_ he thought before settling down to listen to her speech.

* * *

Naomi took a sip of water and stared at the myriad of faces in front of her. She was used to public speaking due to her work but it was never like this. She coughed and stared at the paper in front of her, trying desperately to buy some time. Eventually she spoke but her voice sounded far away and echoy, like it didn't really belong to her.

"Katie was right, it was love at first sight for both of us that day at the interview. I spent a lot of time in denial but I remember telling Em later that I fell in love with her the first moment I saw her, and as soon as I spoke to her and stared into her beautiful chocolate brown eyes I knew that I would never love anyone else as much as I loved her." the blonde started in a monotone voice.

Effy stared at George and the American shrugged her shoulders. Effy turned back to Naomi who had continued speaking about Emily in a voice which was devoid of any emotion at all. _Oh shit, _Effy thought_, this is not good. I know this is the only way she thinks she can cope but she'll regret it forever if she doesn't say what she's really feeling._

Naomi continued to tell the people gathered about her life with Emily, using words like special, beautiful and wonderful but all the time her voice remained neutral. She looked up and caught her eldest son's eye, he had a confused look on his face, it was like his Mummy was saying all the right things about Mama but she didn't believe them. She paused and stared at her notes before looking back at the audience.

"Actually, what's written on this piece of paper isn't what I want to say at all." Naomi started and she tore the paper in half before throwing it away.

Naomi looked directly at the front row, "I can use all of these words about Emily, but it just sounds false, like they're someone else's. They're not, I wrote them, but when it came to saying them it didn't feel real because it's not what is going on in my head or my heart. I'm a bit scared of revealing that, but I know if I don't I'll never forgive myself for letting Emily down."

She paused and looked at the coffin before turning back to the mourners; she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

The blonde took a deep breath, "Emily Campbell-Fitch was a selfish fucking cunt."

There was a collective gasp around the Church.

Naomi shrugged, "There I've said what I'm feeling, Emily was a liar and a cheat and has made a total fucking mockery of our marriage."

Jenna started to get up but Katie lay her hand on her arm, "Mum, let her get it all out. It's better like this than the dalek voice she had earlier."

Naomi was now warming to her theme, getting angrier as she did so, "You know what? It's a good job she's dead because I'd kill her myself for what she's done."

The blonde stared at the coffin and began to point at it, "Do you hear me? You are a selfish, lying, cunt Emily Campbell-Fitch. I stood there and listened to you tell me in front of everyone that you'd never leave me, that we'd have a big family with at least three kids maybe more and we'd grow old together with our grandchildren. That was all a lie. Our third child died with you and now we're never having any more. We won't grow old together because you've gone and fucking died on me. You have left me, and our two boys, all alone. Tell me where I signed up to being widowed before my 30th Birthday Emily? Come on smartarse, tell me where I agreed that this was part of the deal when we got married? I signed up to a lifetime of happiness with you, the only person I have ever truly loved and the only person who has ever really loved and understood me. So what am I supposed to do now, when you haven't kept your end of the bargain?"

Naomi began to cry as she slowly walked over to the coffin, she picked up the picture of Emily from the top and gently stroked her wife's face.

"Tell me what to do Em, because I can't work it out on my own. You were always the strong one and you always knew how to make everything better. How am I going to cope without you? How am I going to make sure I'm a good enough mother without you there to guide me?" Naomi said softly as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

Kevin looked at the audience, by now most people were crying too after witnessing the grief Naomi was openly displaying.

They all looked on in horror as Naomi quietly began to bargain with her dead wife, "Please Em, don't leave me alone. Come back to me and I'll be good, I promise. I'll do anything, I'll be tidier around the house, I'll do all of those jobs you keep nagging me about, I'll even clear out the shed. I can't go on without you by my side. So please baby, come back. We made a deal so you can't leave me, come back and make us a proper family again."

As Naomi finished, she looked over towards her two sons, who were crying and being comforted by Gina and Jenna. She caught Effy's eye and as the brunette stared at her with a tear stained expression finally Naomi knew she couldn't hold it together any longer. The futility of her words suddenly struck her; Emily was never coming back, no matter how much Naomi begged her to. The realisation hit her hard and it was as bad as the first night when she had grieved properly. The blonde realised that she had been in robot mode most of the week and as a fresh wave of anguish washed over her she couldn't stand it anymore. The dull ache was once again replaced with the searing pain and the blonde gripped herself tightly as she buckled under the raw throbbing that had exploded throughout her body.

A stunned silence fell across the Church as Naomi let out an intense low growl that sounded like a fatally wounded animal before she collapsed weeping to the floor gripping the picture of Emily tightly. They watched the blonde in shock as she rocked backwards and forwards begging over and over for Emily to come back. Finally, Effy snapped out of her trance and she rushed to her friend, holding her tightly as her body shook with sobs.

"Come on babe, we need to get you home." Effy said gently while motioning for George to help her.

George quickly said something to her girlfriend before she walked over and helped Effy pull Naomi up, "Come on Naoms, let's get you out of here."

Everyone watched as they supported the blonde before leading her from the Church. Once outside they quickly got into one of the waiting cars and instructed the driver to take them back. Naomi lay with her head in Effy's lap as the brunette stroked her hair. She was still gripping the photo.

At one point the blonde turned and looked at her friends, "She's not coming back is she?"

Fresh tears appeared in their eyes as Effy said gently, "No sweetheart, I'm afraid not."

Naomi turned away again and soon her heaving sobs were the only sound that filled the car.

* * *

Emily was trying her hardest to move the pencil when she heard the pop. She looked around and saw Kevin standing in front of her with tears in his eyes, she could tell immediately something was massively wrong.

"Was it that bad?" She asked full of concern.

Kevin swallowed and nodded, "Naomi broke down completely at the funeral. She got really angry with you but then it was like something snapped and she crumbled right in front of everyone."

Emily closed her eyes as one of her worst fears was realised. Of course she knew Naomi wasn't coping but she also knew her wife would be horrified at the thought of showing everyone else how she was feeling. "So where is she now?"

Kevin sighed, "Effy and her boss took her back to your house."

Emily nodded, "That's why I stipulated the wake should be at Dani's bar. I always thought something like this could happen and Naomi would need to be taken back home. Right I'm going to see my wife and thanks for warning me, I really do appreciate it Kevin."

He nodded at her, "I know you think I'm some shallow kid and I just perv on your wife, but I genuinely do feel sorry that she's hurting this much."

Emily smiled weakly at him, "I know Kevin and I'll see you later ok? Just give us a bit of space, I need to be alone with Naomi."

The young boy nodded, "I understand that, so I'll disappear, but I won't be far if you need me."

Emily nodded and thanked him again before the popping sound signaled she had gone. There was a pop in their bedroom and the redhead gasped as she took in the scene that greeted her. Even though Kevin had advised her Naomi had crumbled, nothing could prepare her for the sight of the broken woman lying on her side on the bed in front of her.

Immediately Emily mirrored Naomi's position and tears sprung into her eyes as she looked at her wife. Naomi's eyes were red raw from crying but they were vacant as she stared straight ahead into nothingness. Emily reached up and stroked her wife's cheek which was stained with tears. The redhead saw Naomi blink as she touched her but soon the emptiness was back. Gently she leaned over and softly kissed Naomi's lips, willing her to notice. Again there was a faint sign of recognition before the blankness returned. The tears were openly spilling down Emily's cheeks as she wrapped her arms tightly around Naomi in a vain attempt to provide some comfort.

They stayed in that position for some time until Emily heard a quiet knock at the door and Effy and George walked in.

"Naomi." Effy said tenderly but there was no response from the blonde.

Effy tried a second time, "Naomi I've brought you some pills to help you sleep."

Wordlessly Naomi turned around and took the two tablets from her. She swallowed them and washed them down with the water George held out to her.

"You get some rest but we'll be downstairs if you need anything." George said gently.

They were all surprised as Naomi finally spoke, "I'd prefer you left me alone."

Effy looked at George, they were both clearly uncomfortable with the idea.

"Naoms, are you sure that's a good idea….." Effy started but she was interrupted by the blonde.

"Please Eff, I know you're trying to help but I can't be around anyone right now." Naomi reasoned.

George frowned, "If you're certain….."

Naomi nodded before turning away again "I really appreciate your concern but I want to shut everything out and grieve for my wife please."

They both leaned over and kissed the top of her head before making their way to the door.

"Ok, we'll leave you by yourself but we're only a phone call away if you need anything." Effy stated but once again the blonde had zoned out.

After they had gone Emily resumed holding Naomi tightly. She watched as the tears welled up in the blonde's eyes before they slowly closed as the pills kicked in. Just before Naomi entered a restless slumber it nearly broke her heart as she heard the blonde ask, "Why did you have to leave me Emily?"

Emily squeezed her as she replied, "Shush baby, I'm right here and I'm going to take care of you."

* * *

By the time Naomi finally woke it was dark. She looked at the clock and was surprised to find she had managed to sleep quite a few hours. She supposed that was the effects of the tablets, although she also had several comforting dreams about Emily where the redhead was holding her and telling her she was going to take care of her. Stiffly she rose from the bed and undressed, casually throwing her clothes onto the chair.

Emily watched as she opened a drawer and got some pyjamas out. The redhead smiled, obviously she preferred it when they went to bed naked but if they had to be clothed the one's Naomi had chosen were her favourites. Naomi quickly put them on before going into the en-suite to brush her teeth. Emily followed her wife downstairs and saw her look at her phone.

Naomi sighed, there were 10 missed calls and the same amount of texts. Clearly Effy and George had not kept their promise to leave her alone nor had they passed the message on to others like her Mum. She quickly typed out a standard reply which she could send to everyone.

_I managed to get some sleep and am ok. If I need anything I'll call you. x_

She got a glass from the cupboard and opened a fresh bottle of vodka before pouring herself a large measure. She sipped it as she wandered around the ground floor of the house before finding herself in the study.

Emily watched her wife pick up her phone that had been left charging ever since the accident. There were several voicemail messages and the redhead watched as Naomi carried out her now nightly ritual.

"_Hi this is Emily, I can't take your call right now but leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."_

"Hey Em, it's me again. God I love still being able to hear your voice even if I know it's recorded. It was your funeral today and I made a bit of a tit of myself, well a lot of one actually. I really wanted to make you proud but I couldn't cope with the pain of finally saying goodbye. Please don't hate me for not being strong. I love you with all my heart, now and forever."

Emily watched as she saw Naomi's gaze rest on the box. The blonde took a large gulp of vodka and slowly walked over to the parcel. She opened it up and stared at the contents.

"Please read your letter baby," Emily said even though the blonde couldn't hear.

Suddenly Naomi felt that she needed to read her letter so she removed it from the package. Her eyes fell on one of the DVDs addressed to her, the label said in Emily's handwriting.

"**I know I promised to destroy it but it was such juicy blackmail material."**

Naomi found herself intrigued even though she knew deep down it would be too painful to see Emily again, even if it was on film. She picked up the DVD and made her way to the lounge via the kitchen where she picked up the bottle of vodka.

She took the disk and placed it in the machine before turning the TV on and pressing play. She poured herself another drink and sat back on the sofa. Emily sat beside her and couldn't help smiling, if she wasn't already dead Naomi would have killed her for keeping this particular video footage.

The picture flickered to life and immediately Naomi recognised it was the ice rink at the Rockefeller Centre on their first trip to New York. In fact it was the same day she'd bought Emily's engagement ring.

Naomi gave a half smile, "You cow Em, but I always knew you wouldn't get rid of this."

The blonde watched several minutes of footage of her ice skating, something she was awful at. Emily's voice was loud and clear telling her to slow down but she wasn't having any of it. The video culminated in her falling spectacularly on the ice like one of the baddies in home alone when they slipped on the oiled floors. Her arms and legs went in completely different directions and she'd eventually landed on her back. All you could hear at the end was hysterical laughter from Emily who commented that it was one of the funniest things she'd ever seen.

Naomi got up and removed the disk from the player before putting it back in its cover. Only Naomi, Emily and George had ever seen it and the American had probably forgotten all about it by now. The blonde sighed, she could easily get rid of it but she knew realistically she couldn't destroy anything that provided a connection to Emily.

Emily watched as her wife sat back down and finally picked up the letter marked 'open immediately'. Naomi turned it around and carefully lifted the back of the envelope. The blonde gasped as she was greeted by the smell of Emily's favourite perfume which unlike her everyday mint or raspberry aroma was always used more sparingly. Emily knew it drove Naomi wild and the blonde inhaled deeply, her mind instantly filled with the memories of Emily getting ready to go out only to be delayed because Naomi would insist they made love as soon as the scent hit her nostrils.

Emily could see the smell had the desired effect on the blonde when she saw her wife lick her lips but when Naomi opened her eyes again they were filled with such pain the redhead instantly regretted her actions.

Naomi took a deep breath and removed the letter from its envelope. She placed it down on the table knowing the contents were likely to open the floodgates of sorrow she had successfully shut tight after the funeral. She needed more vodka before she could cope with this, so she downed two shots in quick succession. After the burning sensation in her throat subsided she finally picked up the letter and sighed.

Emily leant over her shoulder and looked at the words she had written only a few weeks ago thinking she had been uncharacteristically prescient in her first paragraph. Finally Naomi looked at the paper and began to read.

_Hey Gorgeous,_

_If you are reading this then I suppose I must be dead, which is a strange feeling when writing it. In fact you must be reading this only a short while after I've written it because we've just found out I'm pregnant again so I've updated my letter. However, like when we found out I was pregnant with the boys I'm intending to write another one after we have the 12 week scan so I can include the first picture of our baby. This basically means these letters have the shortest shelf life because they get updated in a matter of weeks not months or years like normal._

_God, I can even ramble in a letter can't I? Assuming what I've written is true and you haven't got this by mistake then the first thing I need to tell you is how sorry I am that not only have you lost me, you've also lost our baby too. I told you it felt different this time and I'm convinced it's going to be a girl so I'm sorry you've been deprived of the daughter we both longed for to complete our family and that Josh and Ben will never get the sister I know they would have doted on._

_There's so much I want to say to you in this letter to try to comfort you but as I hope you're reading this not long after I've died I have a feeling it might all still be too raw. If it's before your 30__th__ birthday I've written you a longer letter for you to open. If I was lucky enough to still be around then to see you open your presents (which you're going to love by the way) I will have told you all the things in my speech at your party. There is still another letter for you to read a month after I've gone when maybe more of my words will go in and help you with your grief._

_The day I met you was the day I really started living. Before that it was like I was a shadow or a ghost of the real Emily Campbell-Fitch (Nee Fitch). A pale imitation of the woman you helped me become, the strong confident woman you made me realise I could be. But that all changed at that interview when I locked eyes with the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and got totally lost in the deep blue pools that were focused on me, making me feel like the most special person in the world. As I have told you many times I fell helplessly in love with you that day and I knew even then you were the only person I could ever spend the rest of my life with. There never was, nor could there ever be, anyone else for me but you Naomi. I know it sounds like a corny Hollywood blockbuster but you complete me, you are the other half that makes me whole. _

_I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the most precious thing in the world to me, for loving me unconditionally and for letting me love you back. We have two beautiful boys whom we both adore and my life is so perfect with you, so please don't ever forget how much I love you and how eternally grateful I am that I found my soul mate on that day. It changed my life._

_I know it may not feel like it right now because you will be in pain, and believe me if I could I would be there to take it away from you, but things will get easier and you will learn to still miss me but see how wonderful and rare what we have is. I would never swap the years I had with you for an eternity with anyone else because in the short time we had together I knew what it was to be truly happy._

_I love you with all my heart and soul and that will never change. Even if I'm dead, I'll always be with you._

_Emily xxx_

Naomi stared at the pages before rolling the letter into a ball and throwing it to the floor. Emily was about to protest until she saw her wife slump forward and Naomi began to shake as the uncontrollable sobs once again took over her whole body. Everything Emily had written was true but reading the letter had merely highlighted the sheer enormity of what she had lost. It was like being shown paradise and being allowed to visit briefly before it was snatched away. Nothing would ever compare afterwards so how could her life ever be meaningful again?

Emily watched Naomi slowly get up from the sofa and pick up the letter. The blonde smoothed it out and laid it on the table. The redhead looked as her wife found a pen and scribbled an addition to the bottom of the letter but Emily couldn't read it. Naomi's tear heavy eyes wandered round the room until her gaze fell on the mantelpiece. Emily followed her wife's stare and suddenly she began to panic.

"Naomi, no, please don't even think like that." Emily begged but Kevin was right the blonde's grief was so intense she stood no chance of seeing her wife's ghost.

As the blonde got up Emily could see clearly what she had written on the letter.

_I can't go on without Emily, all I want is to be with her again. Tell Josh and Ben I love them and I'm so sorry I'm such a coward, but I can't deal with this pain anymore._

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I going to do? Think Emily, think." The redhead said to herself.

She floated quickly over to the mantelpiece and stared intently at the bottle of sleeping pills Effy had left out earlier. She summoned up all of her energy and focused on her gym training while she willed the bottle to move out of the blonde's reach. It was no good, she still couldn't move things and her wife picked them up and made her way back to the sofa.

"KEVIN, KEVIN. Please I need you here now. Please you have to stop Naomi doing this, I'm not strong enough yet. KEVIN, where the fuck are you?" Emily shouted into the ether.

She turned back to Naomi who had opened the bottle and tipped the contents onto the coffee table. Emily was no expert, but she was pretty sure there were enough to kill you on the table. It was certainly a much larger pile than she had accumulated when she attempted suicide as a cry for help at 15.

She wished Naomi could hear her, but she supposed if that had happened then they wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. She tried calling Kevin again but it was no use.

She stood in front of her wife and grew angry, "NAOMI, NO! I know this is hurting you but please don't take this way out. You even know you're being a coward but you're still prepared to do it. I didn't want to die and I'd never have left you or our boys by choice. Please don't leave them orphans."

She watched as her wife took a handful of the pills and swallowed them, washing them down with a large gulp of vodka. Emily didn't have much time. Emily had a sudden vision of Josh or Ben bounding into the lounge in a few days and finding Naomi's body. The image was so horrific she knew she had to do something, anything to get the blonde to see sense.

Suddenly her eyes fell on a picture of the four of them on the sideboard. She'd joked with Kevin that moving the pencil was hardly life and death, but she knew at this moment that if she didn't move that picture Naomi would die. She concentrated harder than she ever had in the gym and pictured the boys finding their Mummy. She stared at the photo, willing it to move.

All of a sudden the picture flew to the floor and the glass front smashed. The unexpected noise was enough to stop Naomi and she staggered over to where it had fallen. At first she had difficulty focusing but when her eyes adjusted the first thing she saw was the happy gaze of her two sons. She stared at the family portrait and it was enough to snap her out of her fug.

"Holy shit, what the fuck was I thinking? Josh or Ben could have found me. Oh my God, I'd have fucking orphaned them." Naomi panicked and looked at the table to judge how many pills she'd taken.

She realised it didn't matter because she'd only just taken them, she could get rid of them all as long as she could make herself sick. She went into the downstairs cloakroom and shoved her fingers as far down her throat as she could. Given the amount of vodka she'd sunk it didn't take much to get her retching and relief flooded through her as she brought back the pills as she continued to vomit.

Emily also let out a sigh of relief as she saw Naomi throwing up the tablets. She heard a pop as Kevin appeared.

"What's up Emily? You look like you've seen a ghost." He said with a small laugh.

His expression changed as Emily slapped his cheek, "Ow, what the hell was that for?"

Emily's eyes narrowed, "Where the fuck were you Kevin? I told you to be around in case I needed you."

"I thought you needed some space. What happened?" Kevin asked.

"Naomi almost tried to kill herself, I called for you to come and do something but you didn't help." Emily said bursting into tears.

Kevin put his arm around her, "Hey, I didn't realise, I'm sorry. So why didn't she go through with it?"

Emily sniffed, "I managed to smash a photo frame on the floor and it snapped her out of it. What if I hadn't been able to move it?"

"But you did and now you can move things so that's good right?" Kevin said gently.

"Not really a lot of consolation Kevin, I was scared shitless." Emily said angrily.

They looked up as Naomi re-entered the room drinking a large glass of water. She sat back onto the sofa and slowly put the remaining pills back into the bottle. She picked up the photo and began to cry.

"I'm so sorry Em, that's twice I've let you and the boys down today." The blonde said through her tears.

Suddenly a wave of tiredness washed over her and she panicked that some of the sleeping pills were still in her system until she realised how late it was and what a long day she'd had. Slowly she got up and took the water upstairs with her. She brushed her teeth again before she climbed into bed. She switched off the light and it wasn't long before she felt herself drifting off to sleep.

Although moving the photo had taken a lot of Emily's energy she was determined to stay with her wife, especially in light of what had just happened. As usual she spooned into Naomi and wrapped her arms tightly around the blonde.

Kevin stood awkwardly, "I am sorry Emily, I can stay if you like?"

The redhead shook her head, "It's fine, I think we'll be ok now."

Naomi stirred slightly, "Em, stop fidgeting, I'm trying to sleep."

Emily stared wildly at Kevin, unsure if what happened meant anything. "Can she feel me here?"

"See I told you your worlds were getting closer. It's not just children when adults first go off to sleep they're usually more sensitive to ghosts too. She might not be able to see you when she's awake yet, but it's not far off, I promise." Kevin said before he disappeared.

The redhead turned back to her wife and snuggled in closer before gently kissing her neck.

"Mmmm, that's nice but I'm too tired babe, maybe in the morning." Naomi responded.

Emily grew excited but decided to do one more test, "Naomi don't ever scare me like that again, do you promise?"

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to frighten you. I triple promise I won't do anything as stupid as that again. Night Em, I love you." Naomi said sleepily.

"I love you too baby, sleep tight." Emily replied but Naomi had already started snoring.

The redhead's smile grew wider as Kevin's words came back to her. _Naomi's not far off seeing me when she's awake, _the redhead thought, _Jesus, I'll even put up with this deafening noise if it means we can have conversations like that every night._

Emily leaned over and whispered in Naomi's ear, "Come on baby, I know you can do this. You just have to want it and believe."

As Emily settled down to watch over Naomi she noticed the blonde's face relax and a slight smile appeared as she slept soundly.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello again. The next chapter took me more time to write than I had anticipated as it was much longer than I originally thought. So I've split it into two updates. The bad news is that this chapter is a bit short and is not as actioned packed as I hoped, the good news is that the next chapter should be updated quickly because it's almost finished.**

**Thank you so, so much for the fantastic reviews I really appreciate you taking the time out to let me know what you think.**

**So on with the next chapter, which is mostly about Katie Fitch doing what she does best, giving Naomi a good kick up the arse. **

**I'm pretty sure it's ok to read this in public for a change.**

* * *

**DAY 17, A.E.**

Katie let herself in to the house and made her way to the kitchen where she found Effy, George and Gina sitting round the table talking in hushed tones. They all had the day off work because they were originally meant to be helping Emily with the final preparations for Naomi's 30th birthday party the following day, but obviously those plans had changed.

"I'm glad we all had keys cut although I'm not sure I wanted to be using mine so much." Katie said as she sat down.

She was met with a chorus of shhhhes so she lowered her voice, "Why are we whispering?"

Effy was closest so she answered, "Josh and Ben are allegedly in the lounge watching telly but we think they're listening in when we talk about Naomi because they keep asking all sorts of questions and saying strange things."

"Like what?" Katie hissed.

Effy shrugged, "Like why are we always keeping an eye on Mummy when Mama is looking after her?"

Katie pulled a face, "There not still mentioning the fact that Emily is here are they?"

George nodded, "They keep saying that Mama is speaking to them and watching them while Mummy gets better."

Katie's eyes widened, "Is she still in bed?"

Effy nodded, "You know she hasn't moved out of it since the funeral apart from to use the bathroom. She's still refusing to eat much and only says something to have a go. All she does is sleep. She's really depressed Katie and I've never seen her like this in all the years I've known her."

"Jesus Christ, Emily was my twin sister and even I'm managing to move around. Don't get me wrong some days it's harder than others, especially when Mum and Dad are low too, but you can't just stop everything. Em would have hated to see her give up like this." Katie said with a sigh.

Gina finally joined the conversation, "Yes, well she nearly totally gave up so I for one am grateful she's at least breathing."

They all went quiet, none of them could quite believe it when Gina told them the scene she'd found when she brought the boys back after picking them up from Jenna and Rob's. It had scared Gina half to death when she saw the broken glass, sleeping tablets, vodka and apparent suicide note. She had calmly told Josh and Ben to sit quietly and watch a DVD but inside her heart was racing. She'd rushed up the stairs two at a time, needing to know where Naomi was, but being scared of what she might find at the same time. Her relief was indescribable when she found Naomi pale and asleep but clearly alive in her bed. Gina had hugged her daughter and although Naomi pushed her off and told her to go away it was still far preferable than the alternative. After that they had the keys cut and made sure they checked on the blonde regularly.

"Sorry Gina," Katie said contritely, "I know it was a shock so I didn't mean to be dismissive. Has anyone even talked to Naomi about that night?"

They all shook their heads.

"Do you think maybe we should? I don't mind doing it." Katie said.

Gina smiled at her, "It's a kind offer Katie but I think it should be one of us. You've got enough on your plate as it is. The trouble is I'm scared to even broach it in case it sets her off again. I know lying in bed staring into space or sleeping all day isn't ideal but it's better than seeing Naomi in pain like at the funeral. It's the boys I'm concerned for, not just because they believe Emily is around but also because Naomi has basically abandoned them too."

"Speaking of which, I'm going to check in on my nephews." Katie said rising from the table.

After Katie had left the room Effy turned to Gina, "Do you want me to talk to Naomi?"

Gina shrugged, "It might be better coming from you, she might listen then."

George squeezed the older blonde's hand, "Gina, don't feel bad. Naomi isn't listening to or engaging with anyone."

Gina gave her a weak smile, "I know but it still makes me feel useless again. At least before the funeral there were practical things I could do to help."

They looked up as Katie returned to the kitchen, there was a deep frown etched on her face.

"Did any of you say something to Josh or Ben about Naomi and the pills?" she asked.

"Of course we didn't." Effy replied indignantly.

Katie rolled her eyes, "Calm down Eff, I didn't think you would. It just makes what happened in the lounge even more weird."

"Why? What's happened now?" Gina asked.

Katie sat back down, "I went in to see them and they were playing with some toys so I just watched them from the doorway for a bit as they looked so cute. They were giggling away and Ben said he missed Naomi. Josh said Mama told him Mummy would be back to normal soon and they needed give her some time. So anyway Ben didn't like that answer and he mumbled something about Mummy being stupid. Josh placed his hands on Ben's shoulders and gave him this little speech about how they had to listen to Emily as she knows Naomi best."

"Honestly he's nearly four going on 40 that boy" Gina said with a smile.

Katie nodded, "That's not even the strangest bit. Josh then said to Ben that Naomi had been trying hard to be with Mama again and when she finally was they'd all be happy as they'd be a proper family."

Effy frowned, "We've been really careful around them, they couldn't know Naomi thought about killing herself to be with Emily. So what did you do?"

"I came straight back to the kitchen. Listen, this has got to stop. I know Naomi is devastated but I can't have my nephews believing the best thing that could happen to them is if Naomi died so she could be together with their Mama." Katie said in a worried tone.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Effy sat up, "Katie's right, this isn't normal and we have to do something."

George nodded, "So what are we going to do?"

Katie got up, "There's only one thing for it as far as I'm concerned."

Effy also rose from the table, "Tough love?"

George joined them at the doorway, "Tough love it is then."

* * *

Emily watched Naomi sleep as she had done every day since her funeral. She knew in some ways it was good Naomi was resting but she couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed that her wife hadn't made as much progress as she'd hoped. The redhead had been excited the night they had their sleepy conversation and had been sure it would only be a matter of days until the blonde could finally see her. But it hadn't worked out like that, if anything Naomi had regressed since that night and had steadily retreated further into her shell. They'd managed a few more conversations since then, usually just as Naomi was falling asleep and on one level Emily knew they were a comfort to her wife, even if the blonde thought she was imagining them.

She heard the pop as Kevin entered the room and she smiled at him, "Hey, I thought you were busy today?"

Kevin nodded, "I am but I thought I'd 'pop' by and see how you're all doing."

Emily groaned, "Did anyone ever tell you that your jokes, and I use the term loosely, are terrible?"

Kevin smiled, "All the time, it used to drive my Mum mad."

"What was she like? You don't really talk about your family much." Emily enquired.

Kevin sighed, "I still miss them a lot so I suppose it's easier not to think about it. My Mum was beautiful, she had long black hair and really green eyes. She was Irish and she met my Dad when she was working in a bar in Dublin. They always joked how it was hate at first sight for them but my Dad wouldn't leave her alone so eventually she agreed to go out with him. They were married within six months and by the end of the year she was pregnant with me."

"Wow and I though Naomi and I were quick movers." Emily said with a smile.

Kevin shrugged, "My Dad hadn't been back in Ireland long, he'd enlisted in the Army during the war. He always said if it taught him one thing is was that life was too short to shilly shally around when you saw something you wanted, you might get your head blown off the next day."

"Or hit by a van." Emily said ruefully.

Kevin smiled, "Yeah, or hit by a van. I suppose they just didn't see the point in waiting in those days. So they had me and moved to London which is where most of the work was. After a couple of years they had another baby, my little sister Ailish and Brendan came along a few years after that."

"What were your parents called?" Emily asked.

Kevin laughed, "Connor and Naimh, hence the reason we all got traditional names too. When I'm not in everyone's bad books up there I do still see my Mum and Dad but it's not much use."

Emily frowned, "Why not? It must be nice to be able to see your family again and you're such a lovely lad I'm sure your Mum must enjoy spending time with you."

Kevin blushed, "Thanks that's really sweet. The trouble is she hates coming into my heaven because in there I'm 14 and it reminds her too much of when I died. So I only get to spend time with her in my parents' heaven; but in their world I'm about the same age as Ben and I can't talk very well."

"Oh Kevin, I'm sorry about that. It's a shame she's missing out. Tell you what, when I eventually make it up to heaven I'll go and have a word with her if you like, let her know how you feel?" Emily offered.

Kevin's face lit up, "Really, you'd do that for me?"

Emily smiled at him, "Of course, you've been such a big help to me it's the least I can do."

Kevin stared at her, "Katie was right you know? You really do have goodness oozing out of you and you're really kind."

Emily blushed, "Thank you, you annoy the hell out of me sometimes but I'm growing quite fond of you."

Kevin wiggled his eyebrows, "Hey, maybe you and I could hook up sometime?"

Emily rolled her eyes, "You always have to spoil things, you really remind me of my brother, he's a total pervy sex maniac too. I'm fond of you in a sibling or maternal way Kevin, nothing more."

Kevin held his hands up, "You can't blame me for trying. You're very pretty."

"Has it ever occurred to you that you might have more success if you tried with the right people?" Emily said.

Kevin sighed, "What like people who aren't 27, gay and still totally in love with their incredibly hot, blonde wife you mean?"

"Yeah that's exactly what I meant Kevin." Emily said with a smile as she turned back to gaze at Naomi.

* * *

Naomi stirred and stretched, it was odd but she'd woken up because she felt like someone was staring at her. She glanced around the room but there was no one else there. There was a knock at the door and she quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She was getting fed up with the constant checking and concerned questions. Why didn't they just bugger off and leave her alone to wallow? Actually she knew exactly why they were keeping an eye on her, she wasn't stupid. Although none of them had said anything she knew they'd found out about the sleeping pills, she'd overheard some of their whispered conversations about it. She wasn't about to bring it up though, she already felt guilty that she'd come so close to taking an overdose and she didn't need to keep raking over it. She sighed as a second knock came on the door. If she ignored it maybe they'd get the message eventually and go away.

All hopes of that were dashed a moment later when Katie crashed into the room, "Look we know you're not asleep so you might as well stop pretending."

Naomi sighed and opened her eyes to find the three of them standing with their arms folded, "What do you want?"

"We want you to stop being such a dick and get your fat arse out of that bed." Katie replied pulling no punches.

Naomi was shocked, "Hey, my wife has just died so I think I'm entitled to a bit of time to mourn her don't you?"

Katie snorted, "Newsflash Naomi, I lost my sister too, but you don't see me wallowing in self pity do you?"

Naomi shrugged, "Maybe you don't love her as much as me."

"Cheap shot Naomi." Effy entered the conversation.

"She started it." the blonde said sulkily.

George came over and took her hand, "Naomi, we understand that it's hard for you but lying in bed all day on your own isn't helping, surely you must see that?"

Naomi took her hand away, "Will everyone stop telling me they understand how hard this is, you don't, none of you. Otherwise you'd realise why this is all I can manage at the moment."

Katie tutted, "Yeah and how long is this going to go on for? Until you try to top yourself again? Don't worry we know all about that, even if the rest of them are too chicken shit to say anything to your face."

Emily floated protectively next to Naomi, she knew this was a Katie Fitch 'tough love' special and although she agreed it was probably needed she didn't want her twin being too harsh, it might send Naomi on another downward spiral. One of their sleepy conversations had been about that night and Naomi confessed that she was feeling guilty and embarrassed about what she'd nearly done.

"Why don't you all just fuck off and leave me alone?" Naomi sneered at them.

Effy looked at her, "Why would we do that Naomi?"

Naomi sighed, "Because I'm asking you to. You all keep saying you want to help but no one listens to me. Leave me alone so I can grieve for Emily in peace."

Effy shook her head, "But you're not grieving, you don't cry, you don't get angry, you just lie there staring into nothing. You're shutting yourself off and pretending this isn't happening just so you don't have to face up to the fact Emily is dead."

Naomi stared at her, "Why are you doing this to me?"

George stood back up, "You know exactly why. This can't go on Naomi, your Mum is knackered looking after Josh and Ben, we've all got to go back to work, we can't just let you carry on like this and not do something."

"Alright give me one good reason to get out of bed, tell me what's so important that I need to get up and carry on living and behaving normally." Naomi challenged.

"I can give you two, your children remember them? There are two little boys downstairs who are totally lost because they don't understand where their Mama has gone and why their Mummy won't see them. They're still saying Emily is talking to them you know that? They actually said they'd be happy when you and Emily were together again. I mean what sort of parent doesn't care when her boys think it's ok to be fucking orphaned as long as their Mummy is happy again?" Katie spat at her.

Emily watched Naomi carefully for signs that she was going to break down again, but her wife's next words made her sit up sharply.

"A fucking shit one ok? In fact Katie why don't you take them with you before you have to call social services in?" Naomi responded.

Emily sighed, although she hadn't wanted Katie to be harsh she also hoped Naomi wouldn't get defensive and say something she would regret.

Effy looked at the blonde, "Naomi, we're only trying to make you take some responsibility for your children."

"But they're not mine are they?" Naomi stated.

"What do you mean, of course they're yours." George said with a puzzled look.

"Not biologically, they're Emily's and a sperm donor's. Katie's more closely related to them than I am, she should have responsibility for them, not me." Naomi said as she turned away.

Emily was outraged at Naomi's words, she stood behind her wife and roughly shoved her in the back, "Don't you dare ever say that again."

Naomi turned round, "Oh that's really mature, shoving me in the back."

Katie looked at her, "We haven't moved from this spot, none of us shoved you anywhere, but I'm tempted to kick you up the arse right now."

Emily was too angry to register what had happened. She had started off trying to protect Naomi from Katie's brashness but now she was firmly on her sister's side, "Give it to her with both barrels Katie."

Katie sneered at the blonde, "You know what Naomi, you're pathetic. Josh and Ben have already had to cope with losing one parent and now your refusal to get up is making them feel like they've lost both their Mummies. I'm glad Emily is dead and not here to see this because she'd be fucking ashamed of you after what you've just said."

Naomi watched as the three of them marched out of the room with disgusted looks on their faces.

Emily glowered at her, "I know this won't have any effect because you're too fucking self indulgent to even notice I'm here, but Katie's spot on, I am ashamed of you. In fact I really don't want to be anywhere near you at the moment so I'm going to check our boys are ok. You really need to grow up, get out of that disgusting bed and start acting like a proper parent for once in your life. I'll probably be back in to check on you later if I've calmed down enough."

As Emily left Naomi felt a wave of guilt wash over her. She knew Katie was right and Emily would be ashamed of her. Jesus, she was ashamed of herself and couldn't believe she'd stooped so low. She sighed, of course she hadn't meant it but she was genuinely scared about not being a good enough Mother to Josh and Ben now Emily wasn't around. What if she fucked up? What if the boys hated the fact it was Emily and not her who died? What if they ended up hating her and threw the fact she wasn't their 'real' Mum back in her face? All of these possible situations had been swimming around in her head and so she did what she always did, she ran away. Rather than comfort her children and have to deal with difficult questions that she didn't have the answer to she simply retreated to bed and locked them all out.

Naomi pulled back the duvet and sat on the edge of the bed. She stood up and walked into the en-suite. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, she looked like shit. She sniffed a few times and wondered what the vile smell was before realising it was her. She switched on the shower and let it run for a while. She went back into the bedroom and stripped the bed, the bed clothes were so disgusting they practically walked to the laundry basket themselves. She removed the sweaty pyjamas she'd been wearing since Emily's funeral and threw them in too. Finally she made her way back to the bathroom and stepped under the hot water.

"God that feels good" she muttered to herself as she let the water cascade over her body. After she had showered she stood in front of the mirror again. She looked more like herself now.

She took a deep breath before speaking to her reflection, "Right Campbell-Fitch, stop being such a baby and make Emily proud of you."

* * *

They looked up as Naomi entered the kitchen, her hair was wet but she was dressed and at least looked vaguely human. They stood staring at each other for a while in an embarrassed silence.

Katie was the first to react, "Look Naomi, I'm sorry I said I was glad Emily was dead because she'd be ashamed of you."

Naomi shook her head and held her arms out to her sister-in-law, as they hugged tightly the blonde said, "No, I'm the one who's sorry. You were right Em would have been ashamed, both of the way I've been neglecting Josh and Ben and for what I said. I'm ashamed of myself."

"Can I get you a cup of tea love?" Gina asked gently.

Naomi nodded and went over to hug her Mum, "I'm sorry I've been so useless these past couple of weeks, it's not fair of me to expect you to look after them on your own."

Gina smiled, "They're my grandchildren Naomi, I love every minute I get to spend with them and anyway I've had a lot of help from Jenna and Rob."

Naomi looked guilty, "How are they both? I haven't even called them."

Katie shrugged, "They're ok considering and they knew you were in a bad way so I don't think they expected much contact."

The blonde turned to Effy and George "Ah the other two witches of tough love. Thanks you two for not giving up on me."

Effy hugged her, "Never going to happen, I'm going to be that really annoying friend you go into a home with. We'll spend the whole day bickering about nothing before we join forces and start terrorising the other residents."

Naomi smiled at her, "Wow, I can see you've got it all worked out Eff."

The blonde turned to George, "Sorry for being a twat."

"Hey, I'm just pleased to see you finally up and about, you really had us worried for a minute you know?" George said as she embraced the blonde.

As she pulled away Naomi reddened, "I didn't mean to honestly. It just felt like the only way I could cope."

They sat down at the table with their tea.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Effy asked gently.

Naomi shrugged, "Maybe a little bit but you know what I'm like when it comes to feelings. Emily always acted as a kind of translator for me; I'm not used to doing it on my own."

"Well why don't we try to help you? We'll ask you some questions and if it gets too upsetting or difficult we can stop." Katie suggested.

Naomi took a sip of her tea, "Why not. It might be good to work through some of the shit that is going through my brain. Where do you want to start?"

They looked at each other, they knew exactly where they wanted to start but none of them wanted to be the one to say it. As usual it was Katie who made the first move.

"What happened on the night of Emily's funeral?" she asked gently.

Naomi sighed, "I don't know, everything was so overwhelming. I'd made a show of myself at the service, I watched some video footage that Em had sent me and I finally read her letter. That's what tipped it. I don't know if any of you read it..."

There was a chorus of no, definitely not, of course we didn't.

Naomi continued, "Well basically it just hammered home how much I'd lost and it made me feel, just for a minute, that I had nothing to live for. I saw the pills and thought why bother fighting it anymore. I'd already downed plenty of vodka so I wasn't really thinking straight anyway, so I picked up a handful of the tablets and swallowed them."

"There were still a lot in the bottle when I found it, what made you stop?" Gina asked.

Naomi shrugged, "It was something really minor, one of the photos fell of the sideboard and smashed on the floor. I don't even know how it happened come to think of it, but it doesn't matter, the noise startled me and I picked up the photo and saw Josh and Ben grinning back at me. I was shocked at what I was about to do and I realised I did have something to live for. So I made myself sick and threw up all the pills."

Gina stroked her cheek, "Well whatever it was, I'm glad it happened. The thought of losing you as well as Emily is too awful."

The blonde nodded, "I know, I can't believe I was being so selfish. It's not their fault Emily died or that I'm upset."

"So after that you took to your bed and decided to never get up again?" Effy questioned.

Naomi paused, clearly struggling with something, she took a deep breath, "This is going to sound totally weird so please don't judge me too harshly or think I'm going mad."

She stopped but they urged her on, "While I've been asleep or just about to drop off I've felt much closer to Emily. It's like she's with me again and I can talk to her. We've had these conversations about her funeral and the suicide thing, and I know I've been making them up but they felt so real. When I'm awake I know she's gone but in those hazy moments it's like she's watching over me and taking care of me."

The blonde looked up and saw they were all staring at her strangely, "I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it..."

Effy shook her head, "No, you should. It's just a bit odd for us to get our heads around but I suppose it's just another way you've found to cope. Naoms, in spite of what you think we do get how upsetting and hard this is for you."

Naomi smiled at her gratefully, "I know you do and I'm sorry I've been such a bitch about it all. You've all lost someone you loved too and it was wrong to make it all about me."

"Egocentric cow." Katie said with a smile.

Naomi took another sip of tea, "I'm almost afraid to ask, but how are the boys? Please be honest and don't try to gloss over anything just to make me feel less guilty."

There was a pause and finally Gina spoke, "Truthfully love I'm not sure. They seem happy enough in themselves but they've missed you terribly."

Naomi blushed, "I missed them too. I'll think of something to make it up to them. God it's like Emily all over again, me fucking up and having to grovel."

"I think just being with you will be enough to make them happy." Effy said gently.

The blonde sighed, "I will go and see them in a minute but first I need to understand what's been happening. They're still saying Emily is talking to them?"

Katie nodded, "Yeah, they're doing it all the time; they act as if she's in the room with them."

"Well I can't say much given what I've just told you all, but I know Em's not there when I wake. I'm worried the effect this is going to have on them when they realise it's not real." Naomi said with a frown.

George looked pensive, "Was there some sort of trigger, you know an event that made them start seeing Emily."

Gina nodded, "It was the day of the funeral, it seemed harmless enough and it made them get their shoes on so I was grateful at the time."

"Actually Mum it happened before that. I acted surprised when you told me but Josh first mentioned seeing Mama a couple of days after Em died. I remember it well because he was taunting Ben about the fact that he'd been tucked in the night before and Ben hadn't. Ben was really upset. The next day he seemed a lot happier and when I asked him why he was so cheery he said it was because Mama had tucked him in too." Naomi told them.

"Hmmm, I suppose short term it can't do them any harm but if it goes on for too long it might be a problem. Maybe you need to gradually wean them off the idea." Gina said to her daughter.

Naomi sighed, "I guess so."

Gina looked at her, "What is it love?"

The blonde looked at her hands and said, "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?" Gina asked.

"Of being no good at this, of being a crap parent, of the boys getting fucked up and it being my fault." Naomi replied quietly.

Katie scoffed, "Don't be stupid, you're a brilliant Mum."

"I did alright when Emily was here but that's because we shared the responsibility. She was the strict one because I found it hard. I mean the boys laugh at me whenever I try to discipline them because I always go over the top and they don't take it seriously. Em could silence them with a look, when I try they think I'm pulling funny faces." Naomi said despondently.

Effy smiled, "You do sometimes look like you've got wind or something."

Naomi rolled her eyes, "It's not funny Eff, I promised Emily I'd take care of them. What if I can't do it?"

"Of course you can do it and we'll all help out where we can." George said.

Naomi raised her eyebrow, "Really George, you'll help? What happened to all children are the spawn of the devil?"

George shrugged, "When they're a bit older they're not too bad, and your two are totally adorable."

Naomi smiled, "Yeah they are. Right, on that note, I'd better go and find them and start making amends. Are you guys going to stay for a while?"

"We thought we might if that's ok?" Effy replied.

Naomi nodded, "It's fine. Maybe we can all take the boys to the park or something later?"

They watched the blonde leave the room before Katie turned to them smugly, "See what did I say? Tough love, works every time."

Effy turned to George, "Fine you were right, 'I told you so' was the first thing that came out of Katie's mouth."

The brunette moved aside as Katie took a swipe at her and aimed her own hit at the twin's arm.

"Bitch." Katie said.

Effy aimed another hit at her, "Cow."

Gina sighed and rolled her eyes, "Right stop it you two. Honestly, it took less effort to babysit the boys."

They sat back and apologised before smiling at each other and then at Gina and George. Each of them was thinking the same thing, although it was early days it was nice to have Naomi back.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Ok so I have decided to cut the flashback out as I think it did read a bit better as a shorter chapter. However what this did teach me is that I should probably just try to write each chapter as I've got planned and hope you all like it enough to keep on reading. Thanks to those of you who offered an opinion though, I really appreciate you taking the time to comment.**

**Sorry this has been a weird process but I'll try harder to update Naomi's birthday a bit more quickly, especially as you've read the flashback parts. I think there's something wrong with the site at the moment as I keep getting a blank page when I try to upload documents. Anyway onwards and upwards.**

* * *

**LATER, DAY 17, A.E.**

One person who wasn't feeling very charitable towards Naomi at that moment was Emily. She was still seething over her wife's remark and although she had been denying it to herself she realised she was also very pissed off with her for ignoring their children. After she left the bedroom she went downstairs and found the boys quietly playing in the lounge. They were pleased to see her but subdued. It had taken a lot of persuasion on her part but Josh finally revealed what was wrong.

"Mama, is Mummy going to send us away?" her son asked in a quiet voice.

Emily looked at the two boys who were staring fearfully at her, "Of course not. What on earth made you think that?"

Josh shrugged, "Nothing."

"Joshy, you can tell me, I won't get cross." Emily coaxed.

Her son sighed, "I followed Auntie Katie, Auntie Effy and Auntie George upstairs when they went to see Mummy, I just wanted to say hello. Mummy said we weren't really her children and we should go and live with Auntie Katie."

Emily scowled, she couldn't believe Josh had heard Naomi's comment. This was typical of the blonde and always had been right throughout their relationship. Naomi would get into a mess and it would be up to Emily to get her out of it. She grew even angrier with her wife but knew she had to calm down and deal with her sons.

"Sweetheart, Mummy didn't mean it. She was hurt and sometimes when you feel like that you get angry and say things that aren't true. She loves you both very much." Emily said gently.

"So why doesn't she want to play with us anymore?" Josh asked.

Emily sighed, "She's just very sad at the moment because I had to go away. She'll want to play with you again soon, I promise."

Josh frowned, "You said that before and she still stayed in bed all day."

"I know I did, and I wasn't lying, I really did think it was true when I said it to you. I thought Mummy might be able to see me like you two, but she can't." Emily replied.

"Stupid Mummy." Ben chipped in.

Emily laughed, "In this case I think you might be right sweetheart."

Josh chewed his lip and Emily couldn't help smiling. He had seen Naomi doing the same thing when she was concentrating or nervous and had copied her from an early age.

"Mama, what if we all tried to help her?" Josh said finally.

Emily paused, "I'd like that very much Josh but I've already tried and I don't think it's going to happen."

Josh shook his head, "Don't give up Mama, Campbell-Fitch's don't quit remember."

Emily laughed as one of Naomi's favourite phrases came out of her son's mouth. He may look like a Fitch but he was definitely a Campbell through and through, "Ok, what did you have in mind?"

Josh smiled, "We can tell Mummy that you're here and get her to try really hard to see you too."

Emily leaned down so she was level with Josh, "Ok baby boy, we'll give it a go."

Ben leapt up and punched the air, "Yes!"

They jumped as a voice behind them said, "What are you so excited about?"

They turned to see Naomi walking towards them. Emily's anger had all but evaporated and she was pleased to see her wife was up and dressed. Josh and Ben ran towards her with their arms out stretched and she picked them both up and carried them, one under each arm, to the sofa. They giggled as she threw them down before flopping between the pair of them and pulling them into a tight hug.

"So how are my two favourite boys today?" Naomi asked tentatively.

"We're ok and I'm happy you got up. You started to smell nasty." Josh replied.

Naomi smiled, "Did I now?"

Ben nodded and held his nose, "pooh"

"That's why I had a shower. Anyway, when did you come to see me?" Naomi asked.

"We came in every night to give you a kiss before bedtime; you were always asleep which is why you don't remember." Josh replied sadly.

Naomi sighed, "I'm sorry sweetheart. I know I haven't been a very good Mummy since Mama went away, but I'm going to try really hard from now on."

"Is it because you were sad that Mama left?" Josh asked.

Naomi nodded, "Yes Joshy and I'm still very sad she's gone but I love you both very much so I'm not going to stay in bed all day anymore."

Josh's face lit up, "But Mummy you don't have to be sad Mama left, she's still here."

Naomi looked quickly at her youngest son who had dozed off against her side, she was glad he couldn't hear this, "Josh, I know this is how you and Ben have been dealing with this but Mama isn't here."

Josh nodded, "Yes she is, we can see her and she tucks us in and tells us a story every night."

"Josh, please listen to me. Mama died and we went to the Church and said goodbye, don't you remember?" Naomi said.

Josh snorted, "Of course I remember, I'm not stupid. Mama wasn't allowed to go which is why she stayed here."

Naomi pinched the bridge of her nose, she couldn't quite believe she was having an argument like this with a three and a half year old boy. In fact she was just going to put her foot down.

"Joshua Robert, while I would love what you're saying to be true and I have to give you marks for your imagination, Mama is gone. Now stop with all this silliness, that's the end of it do you hear me?" Naomi said sternly.

Emily had been watching the exchange with an amused expression. Now she snorted, "Jesus Christ Naomi, not the 'I'm an adult, do as you're told' speech. Josh tell Mummy I said that she should try harder to explain things to you instead of avoiding them."

Josh looked at Naomi, "Mama says you need to explain things more and not avoid them."

Naomi looked startled, "Josh, I thought I said that was the end of it. Although to be fair it did sound like something Mama would say, she could be a right smug know it all at times."

Emily laughed, "Josh tell Mummy I heard that and it's better than being a stuck up cow."

Josh looked a bit puzzled but repeated what Emily had said to Naomi. The blonde stared at him, "Josh what have I told you about being rude and using naughty words?"

"But Mummy, I was only saying what Mama told me to tell you." Josh whined.

Naomi rubbed the back of her neck, _great now we're going to have imaginary Mama being responsible for all sorts of bad behaviour_, she thought, _this needs to be nipped in the bud_.

"Look Josh I'm not saying you're lying, I know you think this is real and you're annoyed because I don't believe you. What if I could think of a way you could show me that Mama is here?" Naomi bargained.

"Then you'd believe me?" Josh asked hopefully.

Naomi nodded, "Then I'd believe you, but if you can't show me then you have to stop pretending ok?"

Josh looked at Emily, "What should I do Mama?"

Emily smiled at him, "Ask Mummy what she wants you to do."

"Mama says I need to ask what I have to do." Josh said.

Naomi rolled her eyes, her son was certainly getting right into this.

"Mummy, don't do that. You promised you'd believe me when I showed you." Josh said crossly.

Naomi sighed, she would have to be more careful with her facial expressions and not let on she had already decided the outcome of this little test. "Ok, I'm sorry. To prove to me Mama is here I'm going to ask you a question that only she will know the answer to and if you get it right I'll believe you."

Again Josh looked at Emily, "Is that ok Mama?"

Emily nodded, she had a feeling she already knew what the question would be, sometimes Naomi was so predictable.

Naomi looked directly at her son, "Right the question is what comes next..."

Emily smiled as Josh said "What comes next Mama?"

"I hadn't finished Joshy. The full question is, what comes next? Pork and apple sauce, fish and chips, port and stilton." Naomi finished and nodded at her son.

Josh looked over again, "Do you know the answer Mama?"

Emily nodded, she'd been right about the question, "Josh tell Mummy the answer is leek and potato."

Josh smiled as he looked at Naomi, "I don't really understand but Mama said leek and potato."

Naomi went pale, "Wh...wh...what did you say?"

"Leek and potato, is that wrong?" Josh said sadly.

* * *

Naomi shook her head as she stared into space, _how the hell could he know that?_ she thought as her mind went into overdrive. She blinked as she felt a small squeeze on her arm. She looked down into the brown eyes of her eldest son.

"Did you fall asleep again Mummy?" Josh asked.

Naomi coughed, "No sweetheart, I was just remembering something."

Josh paused, "Something nice to do with Mama? You were smiling."

The blonde nodded, "Yes, something nice to do with Mama.

Emily watched as her wife rubbed her eyes and sighed, Naomi was clearly struggling to believe Josh. Eventually the redhead saw her turn to their son.

"Josh, please tell me honestly how you knew the answer to that question. It's important you tell me the truth." Naomi said seriously.

"Mummy, I am telling the truth. You said I should always be honest except if it would hurt someone, like the time I told Nanna she looked very old." Josh said earnestly.

Emily smiled at the memory of Jenna getting very offended when Josh had said that, she had refused to speak to them for days afterwards because she insisted a small boy wouldn't just say that unprompted and so it must have come from Naomi or Emily herself. It had been fairly difficult to explain the concept of a white lie to Josh but they'd managed eventually. The trouble was he quickly became an expert at spotting them and would point them out all the time, often in public, and always very loudly. Emily groaned as she remembered one incident when they had gone out for something to eat with Katie and Cook. A couple were sitting at the next table to them and the woman had asked if she looked fat in what she was wearing. Her boyfriend or husband had paused briefly before quickly replying no, she looked exactly the same as when they'd met. Emily had been mortified when Josh pointed at the man and shouted "white lie." In the end they'd found it easier to revert to the 'all lies are bad' philosophy.

The redhead waved at Ben as she saw him wake up and smiled as her young son waved back, something that didn't go unnoticed by Naomi.

"Who are you waving at sleepyhead?" Naomi asked while ruffling his hair.

Ben pointed "Mama wave."

Now they're both at it, she thought with a sigh. She paused as an idea came to her.

"Ben, Josh do you want to play a game?" Naomi offered.

Ben immediately said yes, but Josh was more cautious, "What type of game?"

Naomi smiled, "You both have to shut your eyes and I'll count to 10 while Mama moves around the room. When you open your eyes I want you to point at the place Mama is. Does that sound like fun?"

Emily couldn't believe Naomi was manipulating her own children like this. She obviously still didn't think they were telling the truth and wanted them to point in two totally different places to prove it was a lie.

"Josh, I think you should play Mummy's game, it'll be easy because I won't move very far and you can both see exactly where I am." Emily said.

Josh nodded and turned to Naomi, "Ok Mummy we'll play. Maybe then you'll believe us."

The blonde told them to close their eyes and slowly counted to 10, when she had finished she instructed them to open their eyes and point to Mama. She watched carefully as both boys blinked and in unison pointed to exactly the same spot. She tried again, the same thing happened, there was no hesitation as they both pointed to the same spot on the other side of the room. She tried a final time and gasped when Josh and Ben pointed out Mama because they pointed to the sofa right next to her.

A million things were going through her brain. Josh couldn't have known the answer to the question; it was something only she and Emily knew about. But it was impossible for Emily to be there, Emily was dead. On the other hand, both boys had consistently pointed at the same spot. They were far too young to have worked out some sort of system, so they must both have believed they were seeing Emily in the same place. She shook herself, this was ridiculous, there were no such thing as ghosts and yet she desperately wanted it to be true. She would give anything to be able to see her wife again.

She gingerly reached out her arms and looked at Josh, "Am I touching Mama now?"

Ben giggled as Josh answered, "Yes Mummy."

Emily raised her eyebrow as she saw the blonde's hands resting on her breasts, "I might have known you'd go straight for them."

"What's so funny?" Naomi asked.

Ben pointed, "Boobies."

Naomi quickly removed her hands, "Jesus Christ, sorry Em."

She paused and shook her head, "What am I doing? I'm apologising to someone who isn't even here. Boys, I really want to believe you both but I can't see Mama."

Josh began to cry, which in turn set Ben off, "But you're not even trying."

Emily tried to shush him, "Come on Josh, we've tried our best sweetheart."

"But it's so unfair, we're not lying and Mummy would be so happy if she could see you. What if she goes back to bed again or sends us away." He wailed between tears.

Seeing her sons in such distress nearly broke Naomi's heart, "Look if you stop crying I'll try one last time ok? I promise I'll concentrate and try really hard to believe."

Josh wiped his eyes and sniffed, "Like for Tinkerbell in Peter Pan?"

Naomi nodded, "Exactly like believing in fairies in Peter Pan."

The blonde closed her eyes and screwed them up tightly, _I just need to believe_, she thought over and over as she tried to push the negative thoughts from her mind. She thought hard about all the evidence that indicated no matter how impossible it seemed that Emily was in the room.

"Come on Naomi, I know you want this to be true, please baby, just believe you can see me and you will." The redhead urged.

Naomi quietly whispered, "I believe Emily is here." She repeated her mantra several times and suddenly she could swear she caught the faint scent of raspberry. She took a deep breath and said her mantra a final time before opening her eyes.

She found herself gazing into the pair of deep, chocolate brown eyes she thought she'd never see again.

She quickly screwed her eyes shut and opened them again; Emily was still staring at her.

"Hey gorgeous," Emily said gently.

The blonde instinctively reached out and tried to hug her wife. Like Josh she looked puzzled as her arms passed straight through Emily. The redhead looked distressed as Naomi promptly burst into tears.

Josh and Ben took her hands as she sobbed on the sofa, "I'm sorry Mummy, I thought you'd be happy."

Naomi squeezed their small hands and managed to nod between her tears, "I am sweetheart, it's just a bit of a shock."

Finally the tears stopped and Naomi looked up again, she smiled weakly at Emily, "It's really you?"

Emily nodded, "Well my ghost at any rate."

"This isn't some dream where I'll wake up and none of this has happened?" Naomi questioned.

Emily shook her head, "You're awake and I'm talking to you. Josh pinch Mummy to prove she's not asleep."

The blonde saw her son was reluctant to do as he'd been asked, "It's ok Josh, just this once I'll allow you to pinch."

Josh reached over and pinched her arm, "Ouch."

"Sorry Mummy." He said.

Naomi beamed at him, "It doesn't matter Joshy."

The blonde turned back to her wife, "Oh my God, this is amazing. There are so many things I want to ask you. Shit, everyone is still in the kitchen. I need to get rid of them all without arousing suspicion. What can I do?"

Emily smiled as the blonde continued to ramble, she leaned over and gently kissed her. Immediately Naomi stopped as she felt a tingling sensation on her lips, "I felt something then, like a tickle on my mouth."

Emily nodded, "It's not much but it lets you know I'm here. It'll get stronger the more I go to the gym."

"It doesn't matter if it's only faint, I can still feel you." Naomi paused, "Hang on a minute, did you say gym?"

"I'm afraid so. If I hadn't been going so much I doubt you'd have seen me at all." Emily replied.

Naomi reached out and stroked Emily's cheek, "Then I'm glad you went. Look let me get rid of everyone and we can talk properly, I mean you are staying aren't you? I won't leave and you'll be gone when I come back."

"I'm not going anywhere." Emily said gently.

Naomi nodded and turned to her eldest son, "Right Josh, I'm going to need your help. Here's what we're going to do..."

* * *

They all looked up as Naomi walked back into the kitchen and smiled weakly at them.

"Everything ok love?" Gina asked.

Naomi nodded, she needed to be careful and not arouse suspicion but it was difficult when all she wanted to do was grin and leap around, "Um hum, I think so."

She glanced at her watch, "Actually, you know what it's a bit late for the park now so you might as well go home."

Effy shrugged, "Honestly Naoms, we don't mind hanging around and helping with the boys."

Naomi sighed, "No really, it's fine. Everything is good, you should go. I'm sure there are plenty of places you'd rather be than with a saddo like me and two young boys. Go on, it's a Friday night, I'll bet you'd much rather be going to the pub than be here."

The blonde thought _shit, too insistent_ as she saw the odd looks pass between the four of them.

George looked at her strangely, "I'd actually prefer to be here and make sure you start eating sensibly again."

Naomi shrugged, "If you're sure, I just thought you might like a get out clause."

Katie shook her head, "I love bathing the boys and putting them to bed, I'm perfectly happy staying."

They all smiled as Josh came into the room.

"Your ears must have been burning little man, we were just talking about you. What would you like for your tea?" Gina said kindly.

They were all surprised when Josh burst into tears and wrapped himself around Naomi's leg, "Please Mummy, don't leave us again. We miss you so much."

Naomi crouched down and gave him a wink, "Oh sweetheart, I've only come out to the kitchen to see everyone."

"But we've been so lonely. Can't they all go home and then we can spend some time together, just with you." Josh wailed.

Naomi nodded, "If that's what you want baby boy?"

Josh nodded back.

Naomi got up and shrugged, "Maybe we do need some quality time together alone. Would you mind?"

Everyone shook their heads but they were still surprised at the speed with which Naomi ushered them towards the front door.

"Jesus Naomi, I'm glad you're getting back to normal but there's no need to be rude." Katie said as the blonde propelled her forward by the elbow.

"Sorry Katie but my first priority has got to be looking after the boys." Naomi said as she practically threw them out.

Gina stared at her daughter, "Ok, but we'll be back tomorrow with your birthday presents."

Naomi shook her head, "No don't do that. I think the boys and I will need a few days alone to properly reconnect. I'll see you all next week sometime and thanks again for all your help."

They all stared as the door was shut in their faces.

Naomi watched them go and didn't let out a sigh of relief until she saw the car pull away. She turned round to find her son smiling at her.

"Was that ok Mummy?" he asked.

Naomi grinned at him before picking him up, "It was perfect Josh."

They walked back into the lounge and Naomi placed her son on the sofa, Emily was nowhere to be seen. The blonde began to panic until she saw her youngest son giggling behind his hand.

"Hmmmm, I wonder where Mama has got to." She started as she crossed the room and pulled back the curtains. "Nope, not there."

She continued to search the room, looking under tables and behind furniture, each time she didn't find Emily it made her sons laugh. After a while she paused and shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh well, it looks like Mama has disappeared so we might as well go to bed." She said slowly.

Both Ben and Josh started to protest and look towards the ceiling. Naomi glanced up and saw the redhead floating there, she smiled as her wife came towards her.

"Boo." Emily said as once again she brushed her lips over the blonde's.

Naomi closed her eyes as she felt the tingle, "Shouldn't you be wearing a white sheet and wailing a bit more?"

Emily smiled, "I find they're so unflattering to the petite figure."

Naomi sat down on the sofa, she motioned to the boys to join her and Emily floated on her lap.

"So I'm assuming because they've all gone the plan worked?" the redhead asked.

"Like a dream." Naomi nodded and then turned to her son, "I can see I'm going to have to watch you when you get a bit older, that was an Oscar winning performance in there."

Josh looked puzzled, "Who's Oscar?"

Emily smiled kindly at him, "It's the name of a prize sweetheart, people get it because they're very good at pretending."

Josh nodded, "I fooled everyone, even Grandma."

The redhead turned back as she heard Naomi sigh, "What's up baby?"

Naomi shrugged, "You're always so much better at explaining things to the boys than me. I was about to launch into a description of the American film industry."

"Apart from the whole not getting out of bed for weeks you seem to be doing ok so far, I've been watching you carefully." Emily replied.

The blonde stared at her for a while "Oh Em, there are so many questions spinning around my brain, I don't even know where to start."

Josh bounced up and down, "Tell Mummy when I first saw you, when you tucked me and not Ben into bed."

At his words Ben frowned and looked like he was going to cry again, "Stupid Josh."

Emily looked at her youngest son, "Ben sweetheart, I did tuck you in. I gave you a kiss goodnight but you were fast asleep so you didn't notice. I'd never treat you and Josh differently like that."

Ben smiled and then stuck his tongue out at Josh.

"Hey, we'll have less of that thank you." Naomi chastised before looked at Emily, "So was that the first time you were here? The day after you, you know, died."

Emily shook her head, "I've been with you all the time, trying to get you to see me. I was at the hospital and then I came home with you. I tried to comfort you that first night by holding you when you finally slept but I wasn't really strong enough and I kept slipping through the bed."

Naomi's eyes widened, "That was real? I wasn't dreaming you had your arms around me and were telling me everything would be ok?"

Emily nodded, "You were in such obvious pain and I wasn't sure if it was any help but it was the only thing I could think of to make you feel better."

The blonde reddened, "So you saw me cry?"

"Yeah, it nearly blew me apart when you cried out. If Kevin hadn't grabbed hold of me I think I might have collapsed." Emily answered.

Josh stared at her, "Who's Kevin Mama?"

The redhead smiled, "He's another ghost and he's been helping me get used to being one too."

Naomi pouted, "So is he good looking, this bloke you've been spending all your time with?"

Emily noticed the strange look on her wife's face and decided to have a bit of fun, "He's incredibly handsome actually and he makes me laugh a lot. He's the perfect guide really."

The blonde scowled, "I always made you laugh."

Emily smiled, "Oh for God's sake Naomi, how can you be jealous? Kevin is a 14 year old boy and he's so like James it's untrue. He's a total perv and although he's fond of me, it's you he has a massive crush on."

Naomi brightened, "Really? On second thoughts he sounds alright and clearly has excellent taste. I'm glad you've got someone looking after you."

"Hmmm, you've changed your tune. Funny that." Emily said wryly.

"Mama, what's a perv?" Josh asked.

Emily looked at Naomi who was trying to hide a smile," Errr, it's a naughty word Josh and I shouldn't have used it."

Josh thought for a minute, "Is it as rude as cunt?"

"Joshua, where on earth did you hear that word?" a totally shocked Emily asked.

Josh shrugged, "Mummy called you that at the Church when we said goodbye. Grandma said it was a very rude word and I should forget I ever heard it."

Emily looked over at Naomi who had gone a deep crimson, "Grandma was right Josh, it's a very, very rude word and Mummy should have known better than to use it in front of you."

"I'm sorry, but I was so angry at you for dying I couldn't help it. It was swear or totally breakdown. In the end I did both so it didn't really matter either way." Naomi said sheepishly.

Emily's face softened, "Kevin said it was awful to see."

Naomi swallowed, "So you weren't there?"

"I wasn't really strong enough to leave the house so Kevin offered to check on how you were all coping for me. He told me briefly what happened but didn't go into too much detail. I could see for myself how devastated you were when you got back to the house." Emily said gently.

Tears welled up in Naomi's eyes as the implication of Emily's words sunk in, "So you saw me watch the DVD and read your letter?"

Emily nodded, "I was here the whole time."

"Oh Jesus Em, I'm so sorry you had to witness that. I can't believe I was so weak and selfish." Naomi said clearly ashamed of herself.

Emily sighed, "I'm glad I was here, I couldn't have moved the photo frame otherwise."

Naomi stared at her wife open mouthed, "That was you?"

Emily nodded, "I had to do something to make you stop."

Josh looked up, "Make Mummy stop what?"

Naomi looked at her two children before turning back to the redhead, "Maybe we can talk properly about this later after the boys have gone to sleep?"

They both grumbled at the mention of bed.

"Not fair." Ben said stamping his foot.

Naomi cleared her throat, "Ben, stop that right away. It's already past bath time so you're up later than normal, consider yourself a lucky boy. It's been a big day for us all so I know you're tired and ready for bed."

"But Mummy, we want to stay with you and Mama." Josh pleaded.

Naomi turned to him, "I understand that Josh and as I've already said that's why I've let you stay up until now. But now it's time for a bath and bed. Mama and I will both tuck you in and read you a story."

"That's better than nothing I suppose." Josh finally conceded.

"Come on you two, honestly you can hardly keep your eyes open. Em, do you want to meet us upstairs?" the blonde stopped as she saw Emily staring at her, "What?"

Emily smiled, "I just never thought I was going to get to do this again, you know, as a family."

Naomi smiled back, "Funnily enough it wasn't on my list of possibilities either. Last one to the bathroom is a smelly pig."

Emily laughed as they ran from the room towards the stairs, _I'd better give them a bit of a head start _she thought as she floated towards the ceiling.

* * *

Later that night they lay in bed facing each other. They had bathed the boys or rather Emily had watched with amusement as Naomi got soaked by Josh and Ben splashing their toys around. They put Ben to bed first and Naomi had barely got three pages into his favourite story before he was fast asleep. Josh had been more alert and insisted both Naomi and Emily read a Thomas the Tank Engine story to him, complete with all the voices. Finally he had yawned and fallen asleep even though he was trying his hardest to keep his eyes open.

Afterwards they went back downstairs and Naomi poured herself a glass of wine before they settled back onto the sofa to talk. They discussed everything that had happened since Emily died in more detail and Naomi felt it was like a weight being lifted to finally talk properly about what she was thinking and feeling. Emily had told the blonde about how she started to feel again, her trips to the gym, all about Kevin and what she'd learned about heaven. Naomi was fascinated, she was an atheist and so the idea of their being a paradise where your soul went after you died had always seemed ludicrous to her. It was something she dismissed as the incoherent ramblings of the religious nutters or the certifiably insane. She still wasn't sure she actually believed it but Emily was so animated when she spoke the blonde couldn't help warming slightly to the idea. Eventually she had to admit defeat as she was finding it a struggle to stay awake so they had gone up to bed.

Naomi yawned, "For someone who has spent the best part of two weeks in bed I can't believe how tired I am."

Emily smiled, "I can, the quality of the sleep hasn't been great and it's been a pretty intense day."

The blonde nodded, "Intense in a good way. It's been horrible not having someone to talk to. I mean Mum and the girls do their best and it was ok talking to them this afternoon but it's not the same. You were always the only person I could really open up to and be totally honest with."

"I know baby and I'm just glad we can talk at last. The half asleep conversations helped a bit but you thought you were imagining them so there was only so much they could do." Emily replied.

Suddenly Naomi laughed, "Jesus Em you should have seen their faces earlier when I told them I was talking to you. They think it's bad enough that Josh and Ben are still saying you're here but they put that down to it being similar to kids having an imaginary friend. I think they'd get me committed if I told them I believed it too."

Emily furrowed her brow, "Hmmm, I think we need to sit down with the boys tomorrow and work out a strategy. No one else will be able to see me and I don't want anyone thinking you all need counselling or something."

"Sounds like a plan." Naomi said sleepily.

Emily stroked her cheek, "You get some sleep baby we can talk again tomorrow."

Suddenly Naomi's eyes shot open, "You are going to be here tomorrow aren't you? I mean this isn't time limited?"

"I'll be here tomorrow Naomi, I promise. Like I said earlier, you're my anchor. I can't go anywhere until I know you and the boys are ok." Emily said calmingly.

Naomi sighed contentedly, "That's good."

Emily smiled, "Why is that good?"

"Because then you'll stay forever as I'm never going to be ok without you." Naomi said as she tried to keep awake.

The redhead leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips, "Night night. I love you."

"I love you too Em." Naomi replied.

Emily wrapped her arms around the blonde and glanced at the clock, "Naoms, are you still awake?"

"Um Hmmm." Naomi answered

"Happy 30th Birthday baby." Emily said.

"Mmmm." Was all Naomi could manage before she fell asleep with a contented smile on her face.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hello there {embarrassed smile}. I know it has been absolutely ages since I updated this story and to be honest there were times when I seriously questioned whether I should continue. There were a few negative things ****sent to me **(I don't mind constructive honestly, but mean is a bit hard to take) and I suppose I lost interest. Also I know the fact that this is a follow up to there's always a choice and Emily is dead has upset some people, believe me, I never intended to ruin my first story. Writing this was supposed to add to TAAC because I enjoyed writing it so much and was sad it ended but I can understand and totally respect if people don't want to read this.

**I don't want to ramble on [she says clearly about to ramble anyway] but I know this was upsetting in the beginning and there will still be angst and bittersweet moments in this story but honestly it will be much more about Naomi and Emily being totally in love and soul mates. Obviously as some of you have opined, this is going to eventually be about them both being able to move on and accept Emily's death but please trust me, I have no intention of this turning into a story about Emily helping Naomi find love again, which I don't think would be realistic and I'd feel crap and lazy writing it.**

**I appreciate that reading this means suspending your disbelief but essentially, I'm intending it to write this so Emily is exactly the same as when she was alive only with the slight inconvenience of not being solid flesh and no-one apart from Naomi, Josh and Ben can see her. At times that might come across as a bit strange, and if that happens please tell me, but I'm going to try anyway. **

**I hope you enjoy this chapter as I'm a bit rusty with this story and you good folks might read it after the long delay and maybe even leave a review if you have time, I really appreciate each and every one. If people want me to continue then I promise I won't take so long to update.**

**Thanks. **

* * *

**DAY 18, A.E.**

Naomi woke with a start and sat up, she stared wildly around the bedroom before she threw her head back against the pillow with a loud sigh as she realised she was alone.

_It was all a dream, I knew it was too good to be true, _she thought sadly as she felt all of her energy slowly drain away.

She buried her face in the pillow as angry tears stung her eyes, she had been so sure yesterday was real, that Emily was still here, even if she was a ghost. She supposed that's what happened when you wanted something so badly, you were prepared to let your mind play all sorts of tricks on you. Suddenly her sense of grief came hurtling back causing her head to pound, her stomach to churn and the hot, acidic tears to freely spill down her cheeks and into the pillow beneath her.

"Naomi what's wrong?" Emily's voice carried clearly across the room.

Naomi refused to look up, "Please just stop it, stop fucking torturing me like this."

Emily floated by her wife, "Baby, please tell me what's the matter. You were so happy to finally see me yesterday, what's changed?"

"I know you're not real and it's just my brain trying to fool me." Naomi said between sobs.

Emily reached over and ran a hand over the back of her wife's neck causing the blonde to shiver as her skin tingled. "Obviously I'm not alive, but I am here."

Naomi lifted her head and found a pair of concerned brown eyes staring back. Slowly the tears subsided and a small smile appeared on Naomi's face.

"It wasn't a dream?" she said unsurely.

Emily smiled and shook her head.

"Oh God Em, I was so upset when I woke up and you were gone. I thought I'd slept through and it was just some horrible trick of the mind." Naomi stated in relief.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke, I should have realised you'd need me." Emily said ruefully.

Naomi smiled more freely, "So where were you?"

Emily smiled back, "It's your birthday and the boys wanted to make you breakfast. So I came up to warn you."

Naomi raised an eyebrow, "warn me?"

Emily nodded, "Josh and Ben have made you breakfast in bed. I supervised as much as I could but it's hard when you can't touch anything. So you need to plaster a smile on your face and thank them without looking on in horror."

Naomi frowned, "Oh ok, I can do that."

"Naomi, I'm being serious, you need to look grateful but under no circumstances eat or drink anything they've prepared." Emily said gravely.

There was a thud at the door and Naomi went over to open it. She looked down as her two sons stood there holding a tray.

"Mummy, you need to go back to bed, we've made you breakfast, Mama helped." Josh said proudly.

Naomi beamed at them as they entered the room. She got back into bed and took the tray from Josh.

"Wow, I wasn't expecting this, I'm very lucky indeed." she said looking at the food.

Josh and Ben puffed their chests out, "it's all your favourites."

Naomi looked down and saw a bowl of cereal, a raw egg on some untoasted bread and a cup of tea. "I'll start with the tea shall I?"

Emily coughed and shook her head.

Naomi picked up the cup and realised it was stone cold, the tea bag was still in the mug but because it had been made with cold water it had barely brewed at all. She lifted the mug to her mouth as Emily looked on in horror. She tipped it slightly but made sure none of the liquid came anywhere near her.

"Hmmmm, what a lovely cup of tea." she said licking her lips.

"Do you want your cereal first or your egg Mummy?" Josh asked.

Naomi stared at the tray wondering how on earth she was going to get out of this. The cereal had gone soggy and it looked like the boys had poured water over it instead of milk. The raw egg had soaked into the bread and frankly it was making her feel sick just looking at it, let alone what the hell would happen if she attempted to eat it. She glanced over at Emily begging for her to help.

The redhead smiled, "Boys, why don't you go downstairs and watch a DVD for a while and let Mummy enjoy her breakfast in peace."

"No!" Ben said firmly.

Naomi sighed and picked up a spoon of cereal figuring it was the lesser of the two evils, slowly she raised it to her mouth and ate it. She was right, it was water and the cereal immediately turned to mush in her mouth. She winced slightly and swallowed.

"Yum, I've never had cereal with water before." she stated with a big grin.

Josh shrugged,"We couldn't reach the fridge, so we used the outside tap instead."

Emily couldn't help giggling as her wife turned a funny shade of green. "Seriously boys, go downstairs and Mummy and I will be down in a minute. You can get her presents ready."

Josh looked excitedly at Ben, "Presents, cool."

"Yeah, cool." Ben parroted as they left the room.

Once they had shut the door Naomi let out a big sigh before she started laughing, "Thank fuck for that, Jesus Em, I thought I was going to have to try the eggy bread."

"I wouldn't have let you, it's salmonella waiting to happen and we can't have you getting sick on your birthday can we now?" Emily replied also continuing to laugh.

Naomi went into the en suite and deposited all of the food and the cold tea down the toilet before she rinsed the dishes. She dried them quickly and put them back on the tray.

"Now remember, you watched me eat every last morsel of food ok?" she said sternly.

Emily smiled, "Your secret's safe with me."

Naomi beamed back at her, "Right, now off to your wardrobe for me."

The redhead raised her eyebrow, "and why would that be?"

Naomi paused as she reached the door, "Because you always hide a special present in there for me, one that's just for us."

Emily sighed, "Am I really that predictable?"

"Yup," Naomi replied with a nod of her head, "and I love it."

She started rooting around inside the bottom of the cupboard and triumphantly held out the gift wrapped present she found. The blonde eagerly tore off the paper and smiled when she saw what was in her hand.

"Someone was going to get very lucky indeed today." She said holding out the corset to get a proper look.

Emily sighed, "Sorry you'll never get to see me wearing it baby."

Naomi looked at Emily sadly, "Not as sorry as I am, but at least I can see you and talk to you even if I can't touch you. Compared to what I thought my birthday was going to be like this year it's a big bonus I can tell you."

"I know, but you always loved it when I dressed up for you." Emily replied.

Naomi nodded, "I'll always have the memories though, all I need to do is close my eyes and yep, there you are, all dressed up and waiting for me."

Emily shook her head and laughed, "Which time are you remembering?"

The blonde opened her eyes again, "Our first anniversary."

Emily snorted, "Yeah, well I was definitely waiting for you then, I was nearly fast asleep by the time you got back."

"I was furious with George." Naomi responded as she recalled the memory.

* * *

"_This is all your fucking fault, I blame you entirely." Naomi said pointing at her boss._

_George laughed, "How can a delayed plane be my fault?"_

"_Maybe you're not responsible for the delay but it was your stupid idea to arrange a meeting in Barcelona on the same day as my anniversary with Emily. It's our first one and she's going to fucking kill me for this, I'll be in the dog house for weeks." Naomi said bitterly._

_George shrugged, "Hey, none of this would have mattered if you'd listened to Emily when she dropped those massive hints about coming with you and making the trip special. Instead you had to go through this convoluted process to make her think you'd forgotten all together what day it was."_

_Naomi glared at her, "You know exactly why I did that. I want her to think I've forgotten so she's even more surprised when I finally propose to her. It was a plan, George."_

_The American snorted, "Not a very well thought out one, otherwise you wouldn't be stuck in Barcelona airport while your intended is sitting at home in Bristol, probably calling you all the names under the sun."_

"_It was a perfectly fine idea George until you screwed it up. If I was in Bristol today it would have gone brilliantly I can assure you." Naomi said angrily._

_George was about to reply but she was interrupted by her phone ringing. _

"_Hey baby" she answered the call and Naomi knew it was Dani on the line._

_Dani probably understands these things happen at work, Naomi thought uncharitably. Emily had gone ballistic when she'd called her earlier but in fairness today was supposed to be special and Naomi had ruined it by being stuck in another country. In reality she wasn't annoyed with Emily but with herself. She reached into her bag and felt for the ring box that she'd been carrying everywhere with her for the last month. She'd found Emily snooping in the desk one night when she returned from work earlier than expected and wasn't prepared to take any chances especially as she wanted everything to be perfect._

_When they got back from New York she'd carefully stowed the ring away in her desk while she waited for the right time to pop the question. Christmas and New Year had felt too clichéd. Emily's birthday was too fraught and Katie had pretty much taken over anyway so would always have to share their day with them. For Valentine's Day see Christmas. So the next big date was their anniversary, Naomi could hardly believe it was a whole year ago when she first set eyes on the redhead and had fallen in love. They'd debated what day their anniversary was, when they met? When they first kissed? When they had their first date? In the end it was Emily who insisted they start the clock from the interview day, her reasoning being that even after their brief meeting she knew Naomi was going to be the person she'd spend the rest of her life with. Naomi had jokingly said it was just because she wanted her presents sooner but had quickly shut up when she saw the hurt look on Emily's face._

_That's what had given her the idea to pretend she'd forgotten their anniversary. If she acted nonchalant and like it was no big deal it would throw Emily off the scent and she would be totally shocked when Naomi got down on one knee and begged her to become her wife. She was pretty sure Em had fallen for the story hook, line and sinker. All of their friends and family knew so they could reinforce the notion that Naomi wasn't planning anything special. But now it had all gone horribly wrong because she was stuck on her return from a business meeting and Emily probably thought she couldn't care less._

_She looked over as George was ending her phone call. The American had a frown on her face._

"_Well Naoms, the good news is that Emily doesn't suspect a thing about the proposal. She's just phoned Dani in tears and has been telling her what a thoughtless cow you are because you've forgotten your anniversary and won't be back in time for the special dinner she's prepared." George said._

_Naomi looked puzzled, "That's the good news?"_

_George nodded, "Afraid so hun, the bad news is that Emily thinks you're having an affair. She wanted to check with Dani that you hadn't been lying about being with me or getting delayed."_

"_Oh for fuck's sake, is there anything else that can go wrong with this? You don't think it's a sign do you?" Naomi asked in a panicked tone._

_George shook her head, "You two are made for each other, it's just bad luck."_

"_Thank God she told Dani and then she told you." Naomi said with a sigh._

"_Naoms I keep telling you, Em and Dani pretty much tell each other everything these days." George replied._

_Naomi frowned, "I know, it's a good job you and I are close because quite frankly some of the things Emily has shared about your and Dani's relationship, and I don't mean sex stuff, are not the things you'd want a stranger knowing."_

_George raised her eyebrow, "Yeah? Well Emily isn't so reticent when it comes to revealing stories from your sex life I can tell you."_

_Naomi looked horrified, "Really?"_

_George nodded, "Not that I'm complaining. Emily's top sex tips have really spiced things up for us. I love Dani to bits but the girl ain't that imaginative, well not as much as Emily anyway."_

_Naomi couldn't help grinning "Very few people are, it's one of the reasons I love her."_

_The blonde got her phone out, she'd have to call again and partly let Em in on the secret._

_The phone rang several times before a cold voice answered, "What do you want?"_

"_Em I'm not having a bloody affair and I haven't forgotten it's our anniversary ok?" Naomi stated._

_There was silence before the reply came, "I'm going to kill Dani, she's such a blabbermouth."_

"_Apparently she's not the only one is she Em, given her any top tips lately?" Naomi asked._

_Emily coughed, "Oh George told you about that eh? I'm sorry but honestly some of the stuff really isn't that wild and Dani acts like I've found the Holy Grail or something. I mean the spa bath idea, who wouldn't think of that? It came to me instantly."_

"_It wasn't the only thing that came instantly was it?" Naomi whispered into the phone._

_Emily let out a low, throaty chuckle, "That was only the first one, the others were much slower."_

_Naomi closed her eyes and moaned slightly at the memory, she snapped herself out of it, "Anyway, having phone sex in a public place wasn't the reason I rang. Why on earth do you think I'm having an affair?"_

_Emily paused, "Well you have to admit you have been acting strangely lately. You've been working late, you practically shoved me out of the bedroom when you found me looking in the desk drawers, you nearly dislocated my arm when you snatched the credit card statements from me and you've been buying me flowers."_

_Naomi sighed, "And that means I'm clearly having an affair?"_

"_They're classic signs Naomi." Emily stated._

_Naomi rolled her eyes, "I can't believe I'm going to justify this madness but because I love you I'll indulge you. I've been working late because I'm only a couple of months into a new job which is far more demanding than the ones I've done previously. I didn't shove you out of the bedroom, I shoved you onto the bed because I was horny and for once I was home early enough to do something about it. I didn't want you to see the credit card statements because I didn't want you to know how much your presents were. Finally, I buy you flowers all the time because I know you love them, not because I have a guilty conscience."_

_Emily sighed, "Ok, I'm sorry. I'm just being paranoid."_

_Naomi smiled, "A little bit. Anyway I'm not the only one who has been acting oddly, what about you? All those hushed conversations with Effy, Katie and Cook not to mention the last minute trips out with your Mum. Are you sure you're not hiding something?"_

"_I'm not hiding anything," Emily said too quickly, "You did forget our anniversary though."_

"_No I didn't, if you look inside the wardrobe you'll find a card and a present for you." Naomi replied._

_Emily squealed, "Hang on, I'm on my way upstairs now."_

_After a short time Naomi heard the wardrobe door opening followed by the ripping of paper. Then Emily came back on the phone._

"_Thank you, it's lovely." Emily said in a disappointed tone._

_Naomi smiled, although she had to reveal part of the plan early she could still pretend the anniversary wasn't that special and surprise the redhead when she proposed. She'd left a green silk shawl in the house for Emily to open._

"_I thought you could wear it tomorrow night when we go out for dinner." Naomi said casually._

_Emily paused, "It's Clare's writing on the label. So now you have your P.A. buy gifts for me?"_

_Naomi sighed, "Alright, I got Clare to get it because I was too busy, but I chose it. I saw you eyeing it up when we were in town the other week."_

_Emily snorted, "Was it really only the other week? I can't remember because I hardly ever see you these days."_

_Naomi took a deep breath, "Look Emily, I'm sorry I'm stuck in Barcelona on our anniversary and I'm sorry I've been working so hard. When things calm down a bit I'll make it up to you, I promise. I've got to go as finally our flight is being called. I'll see you later and I love you."_

"_Yeah, see you later." Emily replied sulkily._

"_Em, what did we agree?" Naomi responded with a warning note in her voice._

_Emily sighed, "Sorry, I love you too baby. Have a safe flight and I'll see you when you get home."_

"_That's better, I hate flying anyway but it's even worse if you're cross with me. I'll be as quick as I can." Naomi said as she hung up the phone._

_The blonde's attention returned to George, "Right let's hope there aren't any more problems."_

_George smiled, "So rescued enough but still no idea about the ring?"_

_Naomi nodded, "Placated but still disappointed. I can't wait to see her face tomorrow. Come on let's get this flight."_

* * *

_Later that night Naomi let herself into the flat. Everything was dark and it was quiet. Effy would be out clubbing with Freds, Katie and Cook so she wasn't expecting their housemate to be in but she thought Emily might have stayed up for her return. She took off her jacket and placed her briefcase in the hall before making her way to the kitchen. The table was set and she could see that Emily had made her usual big effort. She sighed, she was genuinely sorry and annoyed with herself for missing dinner but it couldn't be helped. _

_She made her way quietly upstairs and went into the bedroom. She undressed quickly and got into bed. Once there she reached over and wrapped her arm around Emily's waist. She was surprised as her hand came into contact with material instead of the naked flesh she was expecting. She moved her hand around Emily's body and she found herself growing wet as she realised her girlfriend was wearing a corset. The heat between her legs increased as she moved her hand down and realised Emily was also in stockings._

"_Will you stop feeling me up please, I'm trying to sleep." Emily said in an amused tone._

_Naomi moaned softly as she moved in to kiss Emily's neck, "Oh babe, I'd have been home much sooner if I knew this was waiting for me."_

_Emily sighed as Naomi continued to place hot, wet kisses along her collarbone, "I thought you said it was beyond your control."_

_Naomi paused, "Don't be difficult Em, you know I'm sorry."_

_Emily turned to face her, instantly pulling her into a kiss, "I know you are but I can't help being disappointed, I went to a lot of effort."_

_Naomi ran her hand slowly up the outside of Emily's leg, stopping at the top to squeeze her buttock "It's very much appreciated I can assure you."_

_Emily smiled, "Is that right? I'm not convinced so I think you need to show me how much you appreciate it."_

_Naomi raised herself up and moved so she was leaning over the redhead in a press up position. She slowly lowered herself onto Emily and placed her arms above the redhead's shoulders, softly running her hands through the red mane that was splayed out on the pillow. She leant down and captured Emily's lips in a slow, tender kiss. Emily moaned as the blonde moved down to her neck again and gently sucked her pulse point. The redhead ran her hands down Naomi's back, eventually letting them rest as she felt the blonde start to move against her._

"_Feeling more appreciated now?" Naomi whispered hoarsely in Emily's ear._

"_Hmmm, I think it's time you got one of your presents." Emily replied moving Naomi's hand down to her bare breast._

"_Oh fuck, the corset it's..." Naomi moaned as she felt the redhead's nipple grow hard at her touch._

_Emily nodded, "A special present just for you."_

_Naomi smiled as she moved in to kiss the redhead again, "Oh Em, I'm going to enjoy unwrapping this a lot."_

* * *

Emily smiled at the memory of that night, Naomi came home sorry she'd been delayed so was already eager to make it up to her. The fact Emily had worn a corset and stockings seemed to send Naomi's libido into overdrive and the sex had been amazing.

"What are you thinking? Not that it'd take me much to guess from the look on your face." Naomi said with a grin.

Emily blushed slightly, "I was remembering how fantastic the sex was that night, you more than made up for the fact you missed most of our anniversary."

Naomi shrugged, "What can I say? I'm a very talented lover."

Emily rolled her eyes, "And a modest one too."

The blonde smiled at her wife, "Only with you baby, you always did drive me crazy and I found it very hard to keep my hands to myself. If you weren't a ghost I'd be all over you right now and there would be very little clothing involved, believe me."

Emily sighed, "I can't tell you how much I'd love you to be able to touch me again. But you're right we should be grateful I'm here at all in any form. Shall we go downstairs to the boys?"

"I was going to hop in the shower quickly first." Naomi answered.

Emily kissed her, "Ok, I'll check on Josh, Ben and your presents and see you down there in a minute."

Naomi watched as Emily floated through the floor. It was still weird seeing her do that. She turned the shower on and brushed her teeth as she waited for it to warm up. Once the water was at the right temperature she got in and let her mind drift. She realised for the first time since Emily died she was actually horny. She supposed it was all the reminiscing about their anniversary and imagining the redhead in the new corset. She felt a bit embarrassed about the direction her mind was taking, but not enough to stop her hand travelling down her body.

She paused briefly when her fingers passed over her stomach while deciding if she should continue. She hadn't got herself off properly in years, she didn't need to as she and Emily had a very healthy sex life. The longest they had gone without sex was a week and a half after they fell out about them going to the company awards evening together. They both decided after they made up that they'd never go that long again if they could help it.

Even after the boys were born Emily had been insistent that she wanted to fuck Naomi even if Naomi couldn't return the favour. As soon as they got the all clear Emily was all over her like a rash. When she was away on business it was always Emily on the end of a phone, talking dirty, that made her come, the thought of going solo never entered her mind, she wasn't even sure she'd be able to anymore.

She bit her lip and finally made her decision, "Fuck it, Em won't mind."

Her hand travelled south and Naomi gasped as she made first contact with the wetness she unsurprisingly found there. She rested the palm of her other hand against the shower wall to steady herself and her eyes closed involuntarily as her fingertips slid easily across her clit.

Immediately her mind was filled with images of her wife dressed in her new corset lying expectantly on their bed, her legs already parted in anticipation of the blonde joining her. Naomi would be naked and although she was as eager as Emily, she would enjoy teasing the redhead for a little while as she admired the sight in front of her. Eventually Emily would grow impatient and Naomi would smile as she lowered herself on top of her wife. The blonde would begin by kissing Emily's shoulder, she was predictable like that, before she slowly moved across her collar bone and eventually found her way to the full lips waiting for her. All the time Naomi would be gently grinding against Emily, causing small murmurs to escape from her mouth which would turn into a soft moan as their tongues finally connected.

Naomi's fingers sped up and her strokes became firmer as she felt herself grow wetter while imagining what she would be doing to her wife if she could. Her breathing grew increasingly erratic as she screwed her eyes more tightly shut and continued with her fantasy.

Emily's arms would wrap tightly around her, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss as their bodies continued to slide against each other. Eventually they would pull apart, both in need of air but reluctant to disconnect any part of themselves from the other. Naomi would stare at the chocolate brown eyes pleading with her, eyes that grew darker as the blonde's hand slowly made its way down Emily's body before coming to a stop on the outside of her wife's thigh. Naomi would then slide her fingertips firmly across Emily's clit causing the redhead to twitch towards her before she moaned loudly as finally Naomi pushed two fingers inside her. The blonde's thrusts would immediately be deep and strong as she would be able to tell from how wet her wife was that was what she needed, no demanded.

Naomi found herself moaning softly as the image of her fucking Emily grew more vivid in her mind, if she concentrated hard enough she could almost convince herself that instead of her own fingers moving purposefully across her clit, they were Emily's and her wife was the one driving her forward. The blonde felt her stomach muscles begin to clench as her fingers pushed harder and faster. She felt her body begin to hum as the first signs of her orgasm took hold.

Eventually Naomi would feel greater and greater resistance with each thrust as her wife's walls began to clench in an attempt to keep her fingers deep inside. At this point Naomi would break the kiss so she could stare deeply into Emily's eyes as she curled her fingers inside the redhead making her wife scream out her name as she came hard against the blonde's hand.

"Oh God...oh God, yes..." the words spilled from Naomi's mouth in a jumble as her fingers tensed against her. The gentle humming had now become a tingling fire spreading rapidly through her whole body as she felt a twinge deep inside her as her hand continued to push and tease her clit forcing her nearer to the edge.

She let out a low growl when she finally exploded as a powerful climax ripped through her body, she continued to move her fingers wanting to prolong the feeling for as long as possible. Her breath came out in short bursts and her legs buckled causing her to slump forwards against the wall muttering the word fuck over and over as she gradually came down from her high.

"I sincerely hope you were thinking about me then." Emily said in an amused tone.

Naomi's eyes flew open and she hastily moved her hand, "Jesus Em, you scared the crap out of me."

The redhead raised her eyebrow, "Well you were a bit busy when I arrived and I didn't want to disturb you."

Naomi reddened at the thought of being caught in the act, "Sorry, have you been there long?"

"Long enough and don't apologise, but like I said I hope you were thinking about me as you gave yourself a birthday treat." Emily stated with a smile.

Naomi rolled her eyes, "Who else would I be thinking about? I was turned on after our conversation and so I decided to do something about it. I was imagining fucking you in that corset and it didn't disappoint."

"I could see that for myself," Emily paused "Is that the first time, you've, you know, since I died?"

The blonde nodded, "I haven't really felt like it before today, but now I can see you again, I suppose it didn't seem like such a crazy idea and my imagination ran away with me."

"Well it was a total turn on to watch." Emily said with a grin, "I'm even sorrier I can't touch you now because I really, really wanted to join in."

"Perv." Naomi said playfully.

"Hey you're still my wife and you never complained about me perving on you, or screwing you for that matter, in the shower when I was alive, don't try to ruin it for me just because I'm a ghost." Emily chastised.

"Yeah, but it's not fair though is it? You can sneak up on me whenever you want and I'll never get to watch you come again, I can only see it in my head from now on." Naomi said as she started to wash.

Suddenly a smile appeared on Emily's face, "How about I make you a deal?"

The blonde looked unsurely at her wife, "What type of deal?"

"I won't sneak up on you as long as you promise to always let me know when you plan to do the two finger tango." Emily said with a sudden huskiness to her voice.

Naomi smiled, "So you can watch every time?"

Emily shook her head, "No, so I can join in."

"What do you mean? You can't touch me Em, we've just established that." Naomi said with a look of confusion.

Emily stared directly at her, "I may not be able to touch you but I can float next to you and tell you exactly what I'd be doing to you if I could."

Naomi grinned, "Dirty talk from a ghost, very kinky. Emily Campbell-Fitch, you have yourself a slightly odd but somehow incredibly appealing deal."

"Now who's the perv?" Emily said with a smile as she floated back through the floor.

* * *

Naomi set the tray down on the worktop before she loaded the plates into the dishwasher. She absentmindedly picked up her phone and was surprised to see so many missed calls. She knew everyone would want to wish her a happy birthday but Gina and Effy had been repeatedly calling her this morning. She went through to voicemail and listened to the messages. As expected the first ones were quite cheery and simply saying 'happy birthday'. Gina's next message sounded a bit more worried as she asked her daughter to text her to let everyone know she was ok. Rather than go through them all she skipped to the end.

_Naomi, Effy and I are getting really worried now in case you're upset again, we've left a dozen messages asking you to get in touch but haven't even got a text. I know you said not to but we're coming over. It doesn't seem right that you're alone on your 30th birthday a few weeks after Emily has died. xxx_

The blonde checked the time the message was left and muttered a quiet shit under her breath, they'd be here soon. She quickly made her way into the lounge where Emily and the boys were watching a cartoon.

Josh's eyes lit up, "Mummy, you're here at last. Can we do presents now?"

"Not right now sweetheart," Naomi said with a sigh.

Emily looked at her with concern, "What's up baby?"

Naomi pinched the bridge of her nose, "even though I expressly asked them to give me and the boys a bit of space, Effy and my Mum are on their way over. They've got some notion into their heads that I've gone all grief stricken again because I didn't answer my phone."

Emily frowned, "I did hear the phone go quite a few times, sorry I should have warned you."

Naomi shrugged, "It's not your fault, I should have guessed they'd be looking for any excuse to come over today."

Emily sighed, "Do you want me to go?"

"I don't _want_ you to go, no, but it's probably easier if you're not here. The boys and I are far less likely to slip up if we can't see you." Naomi replied apologetically.

Emily nodded, "I know you are. It's ok I can go to the gym."

"I promise I'll get rid of them as quickly as I can. All I wanted was to spend the day with you, Josh and Ben." Naomi said frowning.

Emily went over to her wife, "That's all I wanted too, but we can open your presents later ok?"

They turned to their children, who both looked sad Emily had to leave.

"Now boys, you have to listen to me carefully. No one else can know Mama is here, it's got to be our secret ok?" Naomi said solemnly.

"Why?" asked Ben.

Josh rolled his eyes, "Because they can't see her stupid."

"So?" was Ben's next response.

Emily crouched down in front of her youngest son, "Benji, sweetheart, Grandma and Auntie Effy won't understand that I'm a ghost if they can't see me like you all can. Adults don't often believe in things like children and they'll get worried about you and Mummy."

Ben frowned but nodded his head, "Ok."

Naomi ruffled his hair, "Good boy and you too Josh. I think this deserves a special Campbell-Fitch promise don't you?"

Both boys nodded eagerly and looked at their parents.

Naomi held her hand out, "I promise not to mention Mama being here."

Emily's hand hovered over her wife's "I double promise."

Josh added his hand, "I triple promise."

They all looked at Ben, up until now he had been too young to understand what to do so they had done it for him. In any case Naomi and Emily doubted the word 'quadruple' would feature heavily in their youngest son's vocabulary for some time yet.

"Come on Ben, put your hand in too." Josh prompted.

The young boy thrust out his hand so it was covering his brother's, "Ben promise."

Emily saw Josh frown, "Come on sweetheart, that'll do for now. When Ben gets older we can correct him but he's a bit young."

They all jumped slightly as they heard a key in the door and Gina's voice carry down the hall, "Hello, anyone home?"

Emily quickly kissed all three of them, "I'll see you later, I'll find Kevin and ask him to check when the coast is clear."

"Ok baby, I hope they don't stay long." Naomi said with a sigh as Emily left with a pop. "Right boys, let's sit and watch telly and remember act normally and don't mention Mama."

Josh and Ben nodded solemnly as they turned back to the cartoon and Naomi couldn't help smiling as her eldest son locked his mouth and pretended to eat the key.

_I hope I can be as disciplined, _she thought as she waited for the inevitable whirlwind that was about to hit.

Gina, Effy, George and Katie burst into the lounge trying not to look concerned and all four of them couldn't hide their surprise when Naomi looked up with a calm smile on her face as she cuddled with the boys.

"Err, happy birthday Naoms. Everything alright?" Effy said tentatively.

Naomi nodded, "Yes thanks, everything's fine. We were just watching some tv before I cook lunch weren't we boys?"

Josh nodded, "Mummy's already eaten lots because Ben and I made her breakfast in bed."

Gina frowned, "Naomi, the boys weren't cooking unsupervised were they?"

Naomi smiled, both because they hadn't been unsupervised and also because there hadn't been much cooking, "I had a very unique birthday breakfast, one that didn't require any cooking at all. I'd thoroughly recommend cereal made with water, I might not go back to milk again."

Both Josh and Ben smiled proudly as the grownups tried not to laugh.

"Don't forget your egg Mummy and your tea?" Josh reminded.

Naomi smiled at him, "I don't think I'll forget either of those things in a hurry sweetheart. Speaking of tea, can I get anyone a cup?"

The blonde couldn't fail to notice the odd looks that were passing between the four of them.

"I'll come and help you if you like." Katie said unsurely.

Naomi shook her head, "You stay with your nephews, they'd like to play with their Auntie Katie for a bit. I'll be right back."

They watched the blonde exit the room and could hear her moving around the kitchen.

"Is she humming to herself?" George asked incredulously.

Gina turned to her grandchildren, "Josh, Ben, is Mummy ok today? She hasn't been upset has she?"

Both children shook their heads, "No Grandma, she's been fine. After we made her breakfast, she had a shower and then Ma... I mean we watched telly."

"Well she looks like she's on D-R-U-G-S or something." Katie spelt out just as Naomi re-entered the room.

"Oy, I heard that. I'm not on anything medicinal or recreational thank you. I've just been enjoying the time with my two favourite boys." Naomi admonished as she set the tea down.

Her sister-in-law stared at her again, "Have you had S-E-X? You've got that look about you."

"Katie! How could you suggest something like that so soon after Emily? I can guarantee you that isn't something I'll be doing again for a very, very long time." Naomi said in astonishment.

Katie shrugged, "Sorry, but you seem so different today, that's all."

The others mumbled in agreement.

Naomi sighed, she had to play this carefully if she didn't want to arouse suspicion, "Look, I know you're all here because you were worried I might have spiralled downwards again and I should have replied to your texts but I thought you'd be glad your pep talk worked yesterday. Of course I'm still devastated but I promised you, and more importantly the children, I wouldn't wallow in bed anymore."

"Well I'm glad to see you up and about love." Gina said gently. "Do you want your presents?"

Josh and Ben clapped their hands, "Yippee, presents."

Naomi laughed, "it looks like that one's been decided then."

Effy placed her hand on Naomi's arm, "Have you opened Emily's gift yet?"

The blonde shook her head sadly, "I think I need to be alone when I do that, I might seem brighter today but it's all there bubbling under the surface Eff."

"Right, you can open your birthday presents and then I guess we should leave you alone." George decided holding out a wrapped package.

Naomi smiled gratefully, "Thank you, I do appreciate you looking out for me, even if I don't show it all the time."

She read the label and tore off the paper, inside was a box containing a 30 year old Scottish single malt whisky.

"It's won awards and stuff, and there's only 500 or so bottles of it, Dani sourced it through one of her suppliers." George offered as Naomi let out a whistle.

"God, thanks so much George, this must have cost a fortune. I'm definitely going to save it for a special occasion." Naomi said as she gave her friend a hug.

Effy handed her an envelope, "Freds and I got this ages ago and it was meant for you both but obviously that's not going to happen now. What I'm saying is if you don't want it, I'll totally understand."

Naomi swallowed as she removed the gift inside, it was lunch for two on the orient express.

"I always promised I'd take Em one day." the blonde said sadly, "Thanks Eff, I mean it, it's a lovely present."

Effy smiled weakly at her friend, "If you're sure?"

Naomi nodded, "At least one of us can say we've crossed it off the list."

Katie handed over a large parcel, "Before you start I wanted to get you a really nice pair of shoes, mainly because most of yours are tragic. But Em said you'd like this more, even if I think it's boring."

Naomi rolled her eyes, "Nice build up Katie, I can't wait to see it now."

Josh and Ben helped tear the wrapping off to reveal a new briefcase, Naomi smiled, it was something she spotted a while back and knew Emily had made a note at the time. "Thanks Katie, it's great."

Katie shrugged, "like I said not my first choice, but you're welcome. Mum, Dad and James have got you something as well but they wanted to give it to you in person."

"I'll take the boys over in a couple of days, it'd be good for us all to spend some time together." Naomi stated.

Finally she turned to her Mum who held out three presents. Gina was almost as predictable as Emily when it came to gifts so she already knew there would be some kind of arty present, a book and something random.

She opened the first package and gasped, it was a limited edition photograph from one of her favourite photographers, "Is this an original?"

Gina nodded, "Katie wasn't the only one Emily helped out."

"But Mum, you can't afford this." Naomi said, immediately feeling ungrateful.

Gina tutted, "It's not every day your little girl turns 30 you know."

Naomi sighed, "Sorry Mum, I love it really I do."

She opened the next gift and smiled as sure enough it was a book, she placed it on the table before moving on to the final parcel, this would be the random item. She tore off the paper and turned the metal box around in her hands a few times, it was a name a star gift box.

"I know it's a bit of a cliché, but I thought it might be nice for you and the boys to be able to look for it together." Gina said unsurely.

Naomi opened the tin and removed the certificate which showed that the Emily Campbell-Fitch star now existed, "Look Josh, Ben, there's a star named after Mama."

Both her children peered at the certificate and said "cool".

Naomi turned to Gina with tears in her eyes, "Thanks Mum, it really is a thoughtful gift. In fact, thank you all, I feel very spoilt."

Katie smiled, "Wait until you see what Em has got you, then you'll feel spoilt. Oh shit Naomi, I didn't mean that the way sounded."

Naomi smiled wanly, "it's ok Katie, I know what you meant. Group hug?"

They all embraced tightly, even the boys tried to join in.

"Right I think we should go and leave you alone like you asked us to yesterday." George reaffirmed.

Naomi showed them out and thanked them again, "I'll text you tomorrow, just so you don't get the urge to rush round again."

After they had gone the blonde walked back into the lounge, "Come on boys, let's get you something to eat and we can wait for Mama to come back so we can tell her all about her star."

* * *

Meanwhile Emily was in the gym again, she was becoming quite a fixture and if she was totally honest it wasn't actually as bad as she'd thought. She'd done a gentle work out and was now fixated on the pencil in front of her. Since the night she'd moved the photo frame she'd become much better at lifting objects, but her precision still left a lot to be desired. She focused on raising the pencil into the air and was about to attempt to twirl it, like Kevin had shown her, when she heard a cough behind where she was sitting.

"I didn't expect to see you here today, I thought it was Naomi's birthday." Kevin said in surprise.

Emily groaned as the pencil clattered back down onto the table, "cheers Kevin, I'd only just manage to control that."

"Are you in a bad mood?" Kevin asked.

Emily sighed, "I hate it when people ask that, even if I'm in a great mood it always makes me annoyed."

Kevin nodded, "Yeah, you're in a bad mood. What's up?"

The redhead rolled her eyes, "Look I'm not in a bad mood ok? I may be slightly grumpy that I've been forced to leave my own house because some of our friends can't follow simple instructions. I mean seriously what part of 'leave us alone for a few days' don't they understand?"

"I'm guessing all of it if your face is anything to go by," Kevin replied with a snort.

"That was a rhetorical question Kevin," Emily said with a sigh, "We'd been having such a nice day, the boys had made Naomi breakfast, and I use the term very loosely, it was hilarious watching her trying to get away without eating any of it. Then there was the shower, which was a definite highlight."

"Whoa there, hold up a minute. Naomi was in the shower? What all naked and everything?" Kevin asked, his eyes widening.

"Well she's hardly likely to be fully clothed in there is she?" Emily responded sarcastically.

Kevin's expression became wistful until Emily hit him on the arm, "Ow, what'd you do that for?"

"Stop imagining my wife in the shower Kevin, it's rude." Emily chastised him.

"If you let me look then I wouldn't have to imagine anything," the teenager mumbled sulkily.

Emily glared at him, "Kevin, I'm not going to keep telling you. If I catch you anywhere near our shower or anywhere else where Naomi might be in a state of undress I will personally see to it your voice goes up two octaves because I'll have your balls. Are we clear?"

Kevin looked shocked, "Alright, Jesus Emily, there's no need to be so graphic, I'm only 14."

"I know, which is why I've been lenient with you." she sighed, "I'm really happy that Naomi and I can talk to each other but I don't think you understand how upsetting it is knowing that I'm never going to be able to touch or feel her properly again. Looking is all I've got, so please don't try to ruin that for me."

Kevin looked sheepish, "Sorry, it's all my hormones, I didn't mean to upset you."

Emily smiled, "I know, like I said, you really do remind me of my brother sometimes. He's had a massive crush on Naomi for years now."

The teenager brightened, "I know what might cheer you up, you've been wearing the same clothes since you died, why don't you get changed?"

The redhead looked confused, "what do you mean?"

"Haven't I showed you your wardrobe yet?" Kevin asked with a puzzled look.

Emily's eyes narrowed, "no Kevin, you haven't."

"Oh right come with me then." he said taking her hand as they popped out from the gym and turned up in an unfamiliar room.

Kevin walked across the room and opened a set of doors, "this is your wardrobe, it's a bit sparse at the moment but you can either get clothes from home or new ones."

Emily shook her head, "let me get this straight, I could have got changed out of the business clothes I've been wearing all this time and it's taken you until now to explain this?"

Kevin nodded, "I'm telling you now. I don't get what the big deal is."

"Jesus Christ Kevin, I'm a bloody woman, clothes are always a big deal. You won't ever get anywhere with girls unless you start understanding them better. So how does this work then?" Emily said exasperatedly.

Kevin shrugged, "If it's something you already own then you just think about it and it'll appear. Otherwise you can browse the rails of new clothes in the shops, you get a monthly allowance so you can either buy something smaller each month or save it up for something special."

The realisation dawned on Emily, "So you're saying if there's something in my wardrobe at home I can just magic it here and I'll be able to wear it?"

Kevin nodded, "Pretty much."

Emily couldn't help the smile on her face as she thought about some of her clothes and they appeared one by one in her ghostly wardrobe, "So how do I change?"

"Just touch what you want and you'll be dressed in it." Kevin explained.

Emily tried a few things and finally settled on an outfit, "That's better, much more comfortable. Now come on we haven't got much time if I want to get home at a reasonable hour."

"Are we going back to the gym?" Kevin questioned.

Emily looked at him like he was mad, "Fuck the gym Kevin, we're going where any self respecting woman goes on a Saturday afternoon."

The teenager's face fell and he groaned as he worked out what Emily meant.

"We're going shopping."

* * *

Naomi was listless, she had prepared lunch for Josh and Ben and even eaten something herself while she waited for Emily to return. She had played with the boys and the pair of them were now taking a much needed nap, which gave her some time to herself but nothing seemed to help her concentrate. She had tried reading the papers, checking her e-mails and she'd even done some cleaning, but it hadn't provided the distraction she was after. So she found herself pacing the kitchen trying desperately to stem the panic that was slowly rising in her. Logically, she knew her wife was coming back but it didn't stop the anxiety as each minute ticked by. She and Em had both noticed how much calmer she was when the redhead was around, it was like a soothing presence was there, but that also meant when Emily was gone she grew increasingly worried.

"Come on Em, they've been gone for ages now." she muttered under her breath as she checked the time again.

The relief flooded through her as she heard a pop and her wife appeared in the kitchen.

"Hey baby, is the coast clear?" Emily asked as she lightly brushed the blonde's lips with her own.

Naomi scowled, "It has been for some time now actually Em. Where have you been?"

Emily stared at her, "Are you cross with me?"

Naomi's shoulders slumped slightly, "Not really, I just get really uneasy when you're not here, I'm scared you won't come back."

Emily stroked Naomi's cheek, instantly calming her down, "I'm not going anywhere baby."

Naomi smiled, "So how was the gym?"

Emily's eyes shone as she explained to her wife, "Today I went somewhere that was way better than the gym."

Naomi narrowed her eyes, "Oh-o, I know that look, don't tell me you went shopping?"

"Yup, they have an area where you can go and exchange your monthly allowance for clothes or shoes or accessories." Emily said with a beaming smile.

The blonde tutted, "So I won't be seeing you on a Saturday afternoon much then. What did you buy?"

Emily smiled mysteriously, "Nothing actually, I'm saving up for something."

Naomi clutched her heart and gasped in mock surprise, "My God, did my wife really just say she went shopping and didn't buy _anything_?"

"Fuck off, I've only got a limited amount to spend and I don't want to waste it." Emily replied.

"I always knew I should have put you on a budget to teach you to be disciplined." Naomi said with a grin.

Emily snorted, "Seriously fuck right off, I was mostly spending my money and it's not my fault you earn megabucks as a VP while I stayed a humble manager and gave birth to your two sons."

Naomi mellowed, "I know babe, and I was only joking, you know I never begrudged any money you spent shopping, especially because you gave birth to my two perfect children."

The redhead smiled, "I know you didn't and speaking of which why don't we wake up Josh and Ben so you can open your presents."

A cloud passed across Naomi's face, "I suppose we should."

"Baby, I know it's hard because of what happened but you really will love them and the boys are so excited." Emily said gently.

Naomi nodded, "Ok, let's get them up and I'll try to be more enthusiastic."

They went upstairs and woke their sons, they were both grumpy at the disturbance until they realised presents were involved. They followed their mummies down to the lounge and sat eagerly waiting for Naomi to retrieve the gift wrapped parcels.

Emily pointed, "This one first, then this one and that one, you can open the boys' present last."

Josh and Ben grumbled until Emily pointed out that if Mummy opened their's first it would spoil the surprise.

Naomi stared at the packages and began to point, "So I open the arty one first, followed by the photo, then the jewellery and last but not least the mysterious present from Josh and Ben."

The redhead sighed, "Every bloody year Naomi, can't you at least pretend I'm not so boring and predictable?"

Naomi smiled, "Why? You always go for the same themes, it's not like I know exactly what I'm getting. I like the fact I still get a surprise but in an organised way so it's not a total shock."

Emily rolled her eyes, "Only a control freak like you would appreciate an organised surprise."

"Hey I'm not the one who constantly badgers as soon as the word surprise is mentioned because she likes to prepare properly." Naomi said with a snort.

Emily shrugged, "Alright so we've established neither of us likes surprises. Now shut up and open your presents, the boys are going to wear a hole in the floor if they jiggle around anymore."

Naomi stared at her two sons who were almost shaking with excitement as they waited for her to open her gifts. She picked up the first parcel and tore off the wrapping, it was a weekend away at an art course in a country house hotel.

"It's only for one?" Naomi questioned.

Emily nodded, "You don't get much time to yourself to draw these days so I figured you might want to take a weekend out by yourself."

Naomi smiled, "Thanks, that's really sweet, but I think I'd miss you too much. I hate it when I'm away on business so voluntarily doing it at the weekend seems a bit perverse."

"You can always get a refund." Emily said in a disappointed tone.

Naomi sighed, "Em, I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful, it's just difficult for me to imagine wanting to spend any time on my own at the moment."

Emily stroked her cheek, "I know baby, maybe put it away and see how you feel in a couple of months?"

Naomi nodded and moved on to present number two, she tore the paper to reveal a photo of the four of them they'd taken on their last holiday. They were at the beach and had spent the day building a massive sandcastle, the snap showed them standing proudly beside their creation.

Naomi laughed, "God that was a labour of love."

Josh frowned, "Until the stupid sea washed it away."

Naomi ruffled his hair, "At least we've got a photo and some video to remember it by. We'll always have the memories Josh."

As she said the last part she smiled sadly at Emily, the holiday was perfect and she would have savoured it more if she'd known Emily would be dead not long after their return.

"Come on baby, try not to think about it." Emily said gently.

Naomi nodded and turned to the final present from the redhead. As she picked it up a rush of emotions passed through her body and although she'd promised Emily she'd try to remain upbeat she couldn't help the tears springing into her eyes. When she finally raised her head to meet her wife's intense stare she couldn't hide the guilt that was etched across her face.

"If you hadn't been getting this, then…..then…." Naomi said falteringly.

Emily enveloped her in as best a hug as she could manage, "Please Naomi, it was an accident, I should have been paying more attention to the road, does that make it my fault?"

Naomi looked horrified, "Of course not."

Emily released her, "Well then the fact I was getting your birthday present when the van hit me doesn't make it your fault either, ok?"

The blonde nodded and managed a weak smile, "Alright."

Josh squeezed her hand, "Grandma said it was just Mama's time and God was a shit for taking all the good ones first."

Naomi couldn't help laughing, "Well Grandma can be very wise but I might need to speak to her about using swear words in front of you."

Josh frowned, "But you do it Mummy, don't tell Grandma off."

Emily coughed, "Right before this gets into one of those discussions why don't we go back to the present opening."

Naomi smiled gratefully at her wife as Josh got distracted, even though he was small she already found it challenging to argue with his logic, he had also inherited her stubbornness and sense of justice which meant he very rarely backed down.

_God only knows what he's going to be like when he's older. _Naomi thought with a sigh as she opened her gift.

Naomi smiled when she saw the black velvet box inside, "Hmmm, jewellery, who'd have guessed?"

Emily shoved her, "Stop it and look inside."

Naomi did as she was told and the smile fell from her face as she stared at the necklace in disbelief, "Fu….lipping hell Em, it's beautiful."

"Look at the certificate Naoms," Emily instructed.

Still in a daze Naomi picked up the piece of paper and let out a small gasp, "It's called the Emily?"

The redhead nodded.

"And it's conflict free?" Naomi continued.

Again she was greeted by a small nod.

Finally Naomi's gaze settled on the valuation, "It cost how much?"

Emily began to laugh, "I figured you deserved spoiling, you're only 30 once."

Naomi looked at her wife with glistening eyes, "Oh God Em, it's totally perfect. I love it, I mean I really love it. How do you do it every time?"

"I guess I just know you so well and think it's worth every penny to see that look on your face." Emily replied.

Naomi reached into the box and pulled out the diamond, she turned it in her hand and was mesmerized as it sparkled in the fading sunlight causing tiny lights to dance across the walls. Josh and Ben ran around the room following the patterns, trying to catch them until they were all giggling. Eventually Naomi reached up to her neck and started to unclasp her necklace. Emily caught her eye and motioned to the remaining present.

"Actually, I'll just open my last gift before I put this on." Naomi stated clearly, eliciting excited noises from the two boys.

She tore the paper to reveal another black box which she immediately opened with a gasp, "Oh boys it's lovely."

Ben was jumping up and down, "Mama present."

"It's to go with Mama's present." Josh explained patiently, "So it's from all of us."

Naomi smiled indulgently at her eldest son, "Well, that definitely makes it the best present I've ever had then doesn't it?"

Josh and Ben beamed at her.

Very carefully Naomi removed the pendant from the chain and threaded it through the one from her sons. She unclasped her necklace making sure Emily's engagement ring didn't fall and placed it on the table. Finally she did up the new chain and moved the diamond round to the front so it rested snugly against her breast bone.

"How does it look?" she asked tentatively.

"It looks stunning, in fact you look stunning, utterly breathtaking." Emily said quietly as Josh and Ben nodded in agreement.

The blonde smiled at her wife, "Thank you."

Emily couldn't tare her gaze away from Naomi and her expression left the blonde in no doubt about the nature of her thoughts, something that was confirmed when the redhead quietly whispered in her ear.

"Tonight, you and me, and just your diamonds,ok?" Emily said huskily.

Naomi closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them she was greeted by a pair of lust filled brown orbs still staring intensely at her.

Emily licked her lips, "I'll need to pop out later as well, but only for five minutes, you won't know I'm gone."

Naomi frowned, "Why? You've been out for most of the day."

Emily smiled wickedly at her, "Because earlier I figured out a way you could get to see me in my new corset after all."

Naomi's eyes widened as the implication of Emily's words sunk in and a small moan escaped her mouth as she ushered the boys back towards the sofa.

"Right you two, let's have something to eat and watch a DVD. Then it's time for bed." Naomi said firmly as the boys grumbled.

"Come on Josh and Ben, look at Mummy, she looks tired and needs an early night too. It's been a long day." Emily pointed out.

The two boys scowled slightly, "If we're all going I suppose it's ok."

Naomi stretched and yawned loudly, "That's just what I need, a nice early night to leave me feeling all refreshed tomorrow. I'll tidy up a bit and bring the food through in a minute, you'll be ok with Mama for a while?"

They nodded as Naomi made her way to the door.

"Don't be too long baby," Emily called to her as she left causing the blonde to shiver.

_This birthday is way, way better than I thought it was going to be_, Naomi thought with a grin as she set about completing her tasks as quickly as possible so she could get to bed and receive her final present of the day.


End file.
